公主de作文帖_20分的低水平_请指教！

童颜公主

琢磨好了，随口语分队之后再跟作文分队，每天都逼自己练手。

铁板神猴

加油！公主~

浅吟天

加油！公主~

qy111

加油~

超级无敌小鹤鹤

哈哈哈 公主开写啦啊~~~ 莫非被我昨天点化啦~~~

corneliaflower

公主加油哇~~·

ykhjy

lz啊。。我明天再来改你作文。。

童颜公主

lz啊。。我明天再来改你作文。。

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/11 22:33:17)

没事没事～～～ 是我弄晚了，第一次写作文，憋不出来啊 =。=

童颜公主

真是对不住ykh和kch两位同学，我到现在才把第一次作业写好，新手太逊了。。。居然还一上来就要了两篇作文写，还跟口语掺一起上，明明搞不定 =。= ，我明天作业就不占座了，补你们的批改作业。


8月10日
Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?

In our daily life, The attitudes play an important role in people's communication. In most of time, we can make a nice conversation between friends and family. Sometimes people might impolite to others result from various arguments. Although the passive mood is easy happening in anytime, I still suggest that people should be polite to others around. Because in my opinion, impolite attitudes always cause unpleasant results which is unexpected.

    Impolite attitudes can spread around and make a bad effects. Both in and out family, a impolite mood affect others emotion and then make people feel uncomfortable. Especially In family, if parents make many quarrels to each other, they will make much noise to neighbors and their children will feel anxious and stressful in this atmosphere. The worst thing is to mimic their parents in the same way to treat other people. Obviously, the impolite attitude is a harmful affection in children's growing.

    On the other hand, out of the family, impolite attitude may lose money and affect your career. In most time, a people with a polite mood will gain many friends which is useful in your career. a good conversation with people can make your colleague and boss like you. you will get along well with them and then supported  your work and suggestions reasonably. On the contrary, if you are impolite to others, people will do not want work with you, which is a barrel in your career.

    worst, Some impolite conflict may cause a bad result. Besides the common one such as quarrels, they may result in worst consequence even death. From the news I know someone conflict with another person because a different opinion about the score team. One person used his hand beat another's head just once, and then they all back home angrily. It's seems very common and not so terrible crude. But unlucky, the person who was attacked by head was dead at the end. The reason of death is just the small hurt by this beat. Another people was very sad and surprise because he never thought his just once impolite behavior occured so bad result.

     In conclusion, we can find the impolite way is a harmful mood which is needed keep it from our life. This potential danger will affect the children's future behavior, make some disadvantages in your career and even result in a bad result.  So we necessary to do my best to avoid these bad mood, and protect myself from the impolite behaviors.


TPO8 综合写作 Chevalier

The speaker told that many memoirs were not so reliable, but most information of adventure in Chevalier's memoir was pretty actual. She thought this long memoir was a good historical source.

First, Chevalier was wealth when he lived in Switzerland. In there, he spent much money to take parties and gambling. Although he was very rich, he must put a great deal money to sold his goods and then gained the profit. So before his money back, he was possible to borrow much money to pay for his expensive life. In other words, he was not really poor. This statement contradicted with the passage.

Second, critics thought Chevalier could not remember the details which was talked between Chevalier and Voltaire many years ago. But the speaker said this was possible. That is, Chevalier recorded the important details immediately after he talked with Voltaire. So when he wrote the memoir, he just used the records. This was another contradict between speaker and passage.

Third, the passage said the success escaping of Chevalier was contributed to his strong political friends but not himself. the speaker had a contradict idea. She said that there were other peoples in prison had a stronger politically well connected friends than Chevalier had. Moreover, there also a government documents showed that the prison repaired the old broken ceiling after Chevalier escaping, which indicated Chevalier escape the prison during the hole in ceiling was true.

ykhjy

8月10日 修改~~
黄色需修改，红色我改滴，蓝色good，绿色总结
Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?


In our daily life, The attitudes play an important role in people's communication. In most of time, we can make a nice conversation between friends and family.【however，建议这里加个连词，表明前后句子间的逻辑关系】 Sometimes people might 【be】 impolite to others result from various arguments. Although the passive mood is easy happening in anytime, I still suggest that people should 【always】 be polite to others around. Because in my opinion, impolite attitudes【不知道有没有这种用法，感觉有点奇怪】always cause unpleasant results which is unexpected. 【第一段表明了立场，结构上达到目的啦】


   Impolite attitudes can spread around and make a bad effects. Both in and out family, an impolite mood affects others emotion and then makes people feel uncomfortable. Especially In family, if parents make many quarrels to each other, they will make much noise to neighbors and their children will feel anxious and stressful in this atmosphere. The worst thing is 【their children may 因为前后是两句话，最好还是说明那个语法的名字我忘了，就是做动作的人把，在这里就是their children】 to mimic their parents in the same way to treat other people. Obviously, the impolite attitude is a harmful affection【effect】 in【on】 children's growing.【这段把quarrel 理解成 impolite的一种，应该是可以的。并举了个例子父母间的争吵对孩子的负面影响。但最好在论据上多说一些，为什么这些是负面影响什么的。lz留心单复数喔】


  On the other hand, out of the family, impolite attitude may lose money and affect your career. In most time, a people with a polite mood will gain many friends which is useful in your career. a good【如果你想用这个词表示礼貌的话，这个词好像并不恰当喔，因为一个有好结果的对话也可以算是一个好的对话，尽管它过程中有出现不礼貌的地方。】 conversation with people can make your colleague and boss like you. you will get along well with them and then 【they will 前后主语并不一致】 supported  your work and suggestions reasonably【可以换成很乐意的之类的词好一点】. On the contrary, if you are impolite to others, people will do not want【to】 work with you, which is【will be 前后时态要一致】 a barrel in your career.【原来lz把这个影响分成in or out family了。那这么看的话，第二段的第一句是总句，应该和它的两个分论点分开喔。要注意经常用连词，表明前后逻辑关系】


   worst【可以这么用么？】, Some impolite conflict【不礼貌的冲突？这个词很奇怪】 may cause a bad result. Besides the common one such as quarrels, they【it如果你指的是前面说的 impolite conflict的话，应保持前后一致】 may result in worst consequence even death. From the news I know someone conflicts with another person because a different opinion about the score team. One person used his hands to beat another's head just once, and then they all go back home angrily. It's seems very common and not so terrible crude【名词好像没有粗鲁的意思】. But unlucky【unluckily】, the person who was attacked by head was dead at the end. The reason of death is just the small hurt【minor injury】 by this beat. Another people was very sad and surprised because he never thought his just his once impolite behavior occured【这个是发生的意思，和中文有区别滴，逻辑上不对，而且好像是不及物动词喔，这里用导致比较好例如 led to】 so bad result.【这段说了impolite会导致坏结果。举了例子。结构上挺好的。得注意时态，词性，还有每个句子里面有且仅有一个谓语动词喔！】


    In conclusion, we can find the impolite way is a harmful mood which is needed 【to be】 keep【kept】 it from our life. This potential danger【这里this指代什么？这个danger又指代什么？】 will affect the children's future behavior, make some disadvantages in your career and even result in a bad result.  So we necessary【necessarily其实这里还是用should 或者must比较恰当】 to do my【our前后主语一致啊 亲~】 best to avoid these bad mood, and protect myself【ourselves】 from the impolite behaviors.
【建议lz多关注下经常错误的几个地方，如主语得前后一致什么的。结构上是挺完整的，但最好考虑下这个角度是不是恰当。】
人生总有第一次嘛~ 加油加油~~