呼仔的作文帖！求指导！握拳！有口语建议也进来呀！

lemonyhu

819 综合
The lecturer of claims that the number of birds will not decline in the future and thus the reading passage is unconvincing. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which announces that, with the development of the human population, birds will undoubtedly suffer from this development.

Firstly, the writer argues that birds' natural habitats will continue to disappear in the future due to expanding human settlements. However, the lecturer disagrees with this view. She points out that it is true that some birds' number is likely to decline. Meanwhile, other birds' number will grow. That is to say, birds such as sea gulls and pigeon would benefit from the development.

Secondly, by declaring that agricultural activities will not cause the destruction of the birds' habitats, the lecturer refutes the viewpoint of the writer. She further contends that less land will be destroyed.  Actually, new crops with high productivity have been created. As a result, there is no reason for human beings to take the place of birds' habitat and convert the areas into agricultural use.

Last but not least, concerning the problem of chemical pesticides, the writer, who addresses the idea that pesticides will harm birds or prevent birds from producing has controversial ideas with the lecturer. The lecturer mentions two changes related to pesticides. The first change is that scientists have developed pesticides that are less toxic. Another change happens with the growth of pesticide-resistant crops. This kind of crop does not harm birds and thus provides birds with better living environment.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecturer of claims that the number of birds will not decline in the future and thus the reading passage is unconvincing（其实and后面的和下句就重复）. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which announces that, with the development of the human population, birds will undoubtedly suffer （suffered） from this development（increase，换个词，）.

Firstly, the writer argues that birds' natural habitats will continue to disappear in the future due to expanding human settlements. However, the lecturer disagrees with this view. She points out that it is true that some birds' number is likely to decline. Meanwhile, other birds' number will grow. That is to say, birds such as sea gulls and pigeon would benefit from the development.（这里是不错，不过还有细节没写上）

Secondly, by declaring that agricultural activities will not cause the destruction of the birds' habitats, the lecturer refutes the viewpoint of the writer. She further contends that less land will be destroyed.  Actually, new crops with high productivity have been created. As a result, there is no reason for human beings to take the place of birds' habitat and convert the areas into agricultural use.（这段写的就不错）

Last but not least, concerning the problem of chemical pesticides, the writer, who addresses the idea that pesticides will harm birds or prevent birds from producing , 这里加个逗号把前面变为插入语has controversial ideas with the lecturer. The lecturer mentions two changes related to pesticides. The first change is that scientists have developed pesticides that are less toxic. Another change happens with the growth of pesticide-resistant crops. This kind of crop does not harm birds and thus provides birds with better living environment.

整体还是很不错额

lemonyhu

821 综合
The lecturer claims that the content in the reading is totally wrong. He argues that as a buzzer, people always misunderstand them. On the contrary, the reading passage claims that since buzzing cause lots of problems, it should be banned.

Firstly, the writer points out that consumers are given incorrect information in buzzing and they have the right to know that buzzers are paid to praise the product. However, the lecturer disagrees with this viewpoint. He explains that buzzers are the real consumers as well. Even though they receive money from producers, they are telling the truth to other consumers. In other words, buzzers will introduce the product, cell phone for example, to consumers if only they have used it and regard it trustworthy.

Secondly, by addressing that consumers won't believe whatever buzzers try to say, the lecturer refute the point in the reading passage that people are easily misleading by buzzers. He further explains that customers often ask various questions to buzzers. If buzzers hesitate to answer their question, they won't buy the products.

What's more, considering the third argument in the passage, buzzing may have harmful effect on social relationships, the lecturer holds some controversial opinions. According to the lecturer, bad buzzers can't be hired by companies. That is to say, those buzzers are sincere enough to create an ideal shopping experience for consumers. As a result, consumers will undoubtedly enjoys themselves and be more trustful of people around them.

lemonyhu

821 独立
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends

With the development of modern society, people tend to move to developed city to make a living. As a result, there is a heated debate over whether it is a good thing to move to a new city or a new country. Some people prefer to stay in their hometown and old folks, while others decide to leave home and seek for more opportunities. As far as I am concerned, there is no need to worry about losing friends, we just need to listen to our heart and chase for a “Bigger” stage.

In the first place, I agree without reservation that moving to another city our country is not an easy decision. Have you ever thought about living alone and overcome all the obstacles by your own? Have you ever imagined that you can merely have someone to talk to? Loneliness does make people’s lives much more difficult. It seems that sometimes you cut off from your best friends’ and your families’ life. By the time you would like to return to them, you might find out that you have too many trivial stories to catch.

Nevertheless, as Zhou Guoping, one of the most famous Chinese writer and philosopher once said: Nothing great was ever achieved without sacrifice. If you want to witness the profoundness of the scenery outside your bedroom window, you should first give up some part of your life. To further illustrate my viewpoint, I will take my experience as an example. As a little girl, I have never left my home to live alone. So when I was ten years old, I decided to step out of my sweet home and try to take part in a summer camp in the U.S. Even though I missed home every day and night, I overcame homesick and traveled with group members to cosmopolitans and countryside for one month. It was a fantastic trip and I even received an award for finishing all the tasks perfectly. From my experience above, I can draw the conclusion that moving to another city really broaden my view and show me a whole new world. If I haven’t joined the camp at the expense of leaving home, I would be regret in the future.

Furthermore, we should always bare in mind that true friendship won’t disappear no matter what happened. I have made friends from all over the country and even the world. Although we can only get in touch by e-mails, we are still close friends, since our heart will always be connected. On the contrary, if you realize that some of your friends gradually disappear from your life, they may not care about you enough or they have never treated you as best friends. If true, what is the meaning for you to waste your life for them?

In all, for the reasons mentioned above, real friendship won’t disappear with time and space between you. Only by experiencing the painful of living far away from home can we understand the importance of the people around us.

T不死

821 综合
The lecturer claims that the content in the reading is totally wrong. He argues that as a buzzer, people always misunderstand them(这个没有指代，是否可以吧as 引导的修饰去掉，them 改为buzzers). On the contrary, the reading passage claims that since buzzing cause lots of problems, it should be banned.

Firstly, the writer points out that consumers are given incorrect information in buzzing and they have the right to know that buzzers are paid to praise the product. However, the lecturer disagrees with this viewpoint. He explains that buzzers are the real consumers as well. Even though they receive money from producers, they are telling the truth to other consumers. In other words, buzzers will introduce the product, cell phone for example, to consumers if only they have used it and regard it trustworthy(好句).

Secondly, by addressing that consumers won't believe whatever buzzers try to say, the lecturer refute the point in the reading passage that people are easily misleading（misled） by buzzers. He further explains that customers often ask various questions to buzzers. If buzzers hesitate to answer their question, they won't buy the products.

What's more, considering the third argument in the passage, buzzing may have harmful effect on social relationships, the lecturer holds some controversial opinions. According to the lecturer, bad buzzers can't be hired by companies. That is to say, those buzzers are sincere enough to create an ideal shopping experience for consumers. As a result, consumers will undoubtedly enjoys themselves and be more trustful of people around them(好句,好详细啊).

T不死

With the development of modern society, people tend to move to developed city to make a living. As a result, there is a heated debate over whether it is a good thing to move to a new city or a new country. Some people prefer to stay in their hometown and old folks, while others decide to leave home and seek for more opportunities. As far as I am concerned, there is no need to worry about losing friends, we just need to listen to（follow是不是好点） our heart and chase for a “Bigger” stage.

In the first place, I agree without reservation that moving to another city （是少个of 还是or 还是其它）our country is not an easy decision. Have you ever thought about living alone and overcome all the obstacles by your own? Have you ever imagined that you can merely have someone to talk to? Loneliness does make people’s lives much more difficult. It seems that sometimes you cut off from your best friends’ and your families’ life. By the time you would like to return to them, you might find out that you have too many trivial stories to catch（这个是否少了连词）.

（这段只是说明很难下决心离开。如果能在这段开头说，离开家乡有很多东西需要考虑，逻辑会严密点）

Nevertheless, as Zhou Guoping, one of the most famous Chinese writer and philosopher once said: Nothing great was ever achieved without sacrifice. If you want to witness the profoundness of the scenery outside your bedroom window, you should first give up some part of your life. To further illustrate my viewpoint, I will take my experience as an example. As a little girl, I have never left my home to live alone. So when I was ten years old, I decided to step out of my sweet home and try to take part in a summer camp in the U.S. Even though I missed home every day and night, I overcame homesick and traveled with group members to cosmopolitans and countryside for one month. It was a fantastic trip and I even received an award for finishing all the tasks perfectly. From my experience above, I can draw the conclusion that moving to another city really broaden(broadens) my view and show (shows) me a whole new world. If I haven’t joined the camp at the expense of leaving home, I would be regret(regretful) in the future.

Furthermore, we should always bare(bear) in mind that true friendship won’t disappear no matter what happened. I have made friends from all over the country and even the world. Although we can only get in touch by e-mails, we are still close friends, since our heart will always be connected. On the contrary, if you realize that some of your friends gradually disappear from your life, they may not care about you enough or they have never treated you as best friends. If true(it is the case), what is the meaning for you to waste your life for them?

In all, for the reasons mentioned above, real friendship won’t disappear with time and space between you. Only by experiencing the painful of living far away from home can we understand the importance of the people around us.

楼主的语法挺好的，选词都比较地道，例子也不错。赞一个！

lemonyhu

8月22日 40
parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently



When asked whether parents should help their children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently, different people have different opinions. Some people argue that children are too young to decide everything by themselves, so parents need to give them a hand. However, others hold controversial opinions. As far as I am concerned, children should step out of their parents’ protection and do their work independently.



In the first place, finishing work independently help youngsters build confidence so that they could gradually leave their parents’ protection behind. As we all know, children are used to living a comfortable life under the careful protection of their parents. This habit does harm youngsters because when they finally open the gate of the world, they would be disappointed and scared without the help of others. As Zhangxin, the CEO of SOHO China, once said, nothing great was ever achieved without the ability to make decision alone. Therefore, youngsters, no matter boy or girl, should always remember to take the key of their future at hand. In this way, children can learn to be responsible for whatever they did and thus won’t be regret when they grow up.



Furthermore, given the opportunity to figure out their own solution, children may come up with innovative ideas. With the development of modern society, the market changes every minute, even every second. So our parents might fall behind so that they won’t able to keep up with the new trend. On the other hand, youngsters do not need to take into consideration much experience in the past. In other words, they may create some refreshing viewpoint to finish their works. To further illustrate my point, I will use my experience as an example. When I was young, my parents have never force me to take some classes after school. All they did was to send me to the classes that I liked such as drawing and ballet dancing. As a result, I can often find interesting topics and materials to share with my classmates. Thanks to the choice my parents made, I can found want I really liked and sought for different solution.



Admittedly, as young children, sometimes they lack experience in lots of aspects. For instance, they do not know how to make the choice between two universities that he dreamt of, or whether to go abroad or to stay at home. When these happened, parents should come and help them to analysis the situation as a whole.



In all, as the reasons mentioned above, in most cases, children should have the right to do their work without help. Only by doing this, can these youngsters have the courage to face the challenges and overcome the obstacle in the future.

winnie98

8月22日
parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently


When asked whether parents should help their children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently, different people have different opinions. Some people argue that children are too young to decide everything by themselves, so parents need to give them a hand. However, others hold controversial opinions. As far as I am concerned, children should step out of their parents’ protection and do their work independently.

In the first place, finishing work independently help youngsters build confidence so that they could gradually leave their parents’ protection behind. As we all know, children are used to living a comfortable life under the careful protection of their parents. This habit does harm(to) youngsters because when they finally open the gate of the world, they would be disappointed and scared without the help of others. As Zhangxin, the CEO of SOHO China, once said, nothing great was ever achieved without the ability to make decision alone. Therefore, youngsters, no matter boy or girl(boys or girls/ a boy or a girl), should always remember to take the key of their future at hand. In this way, children can learn to be responsible for whatever they did and thus won’t be(删,regret本身有v.词性)regret when they grow up.

Furthermore, given the opportunity to figure out their own solution, children may come up with innovative ideas. With the development of modern society, the market changes every minute, even every second. So our parents might fall behind so that(in that因为) they won’t(are not) able to keep up with the new trend. On the other hand, youngsters do not need to take into consideration much experience(置于take后,into前) in the past. In other words, they may create some refreshing viewpoint to finish their works(work,当“工作",uncount). To further illustrate my point, I will use my experience as an example. When I was young, my parents have never force(never forced只有v.时才有强迫之意) me to take some classes after school. All they did was to send me to the classes that I liked such as drawing and ballet dancing. As a result, I can often find interesting topics and materials to share with my classmates. Thanks to the choice my parents made, I can found want(find what) I really liked and sought for different solution.注意一下writing部分不可以用缩写,如won't

Admittedly, as young children, sometimes they lack experience in lots of aspects. For instance, they do not know how to make the choice between two universities that he dreamt of, or whether to go abroad or to stay at home. When these happened(happen,不能算是过去吧？), parents should come and help them to analysis(analyze) the situation as a(the) whole.

In all, as the reasons mentioned above, in most cases, children should have the right to do their work without help. Only by doing this, can these youngsters have the courage to face the challenges and overcome the obstacle in the future.
最后的倒装很好O(∩_∩)O



整体行为很流畅，思路木有问题。
格式不知是故意每段空了好几行,还是格式串了?总之，空一行即可.
个别语法语言问题稍微注意一下就好。

lemonyhu

The lecturer points out that genetically modified trees will create lots of problems to us. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading, which argues that genetically modified trees promises to bring more benefits.

Firstly, the writer of the reading passage raises the viewpoint that since genetically modified trees are hardier than natural trees, they are more likely to survive than unmodified ones. However, the lecturer has controversial point of view. She mentions that if genetically modified trees meet up with conditions that they are not designed for, for instance, harsh climate or pests, they might all die out. Meanwhile, at least a few of unmodified trees will survive and continue to live.

Secondly, by addressing that genetically modified trees charge farmers more, the lecturer refutes the idea in the reading that these trees will bring economic benefits.  Farmers need to pay more for the expensive seeds of trees. Besides, every time farmers want to plant the genetically modified trees in their fields, they need to pay the company for the plant by law.

Moreover, considering the third argument in the passage that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees, the lecturer totally disagrees with the view. Actually, she believes that local wild trees will be aggrassively threatened by the genetically modified trees. These genetically modified trees will undoubtedly compete with the local wild trees with resources as light, nutrition and water.

ykhjy

8.23 综合 修改~~
蓝色good  黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议
The lecturer points out that genetically modified trees will create lots of problems to us. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading, which argues that genetically modified trees promises to bring more benefits.

Firstly, the writer of the reading passage raises the viewpoint that since genetically modified trees are hardier than natural trees, they are more likely to survive than unmodified ones. However, the lecturer has controversial point of view. She mentions that if genetically modified trees meet up with  conditions that they are not designed for, for instance, harsh climate or pests, they might all die out. Meanwhile, at least a few of unmodified trees will survive and continue to live. [这句话是说nature tree的优点把，我觉得放在最后不太好，毕竟它不是重点。]

Secondly, by addressing that genetically modified trees charge farmers more, the lecturer refutes the idea in the reading that these trees will bring economic benefits.  Farmers need to pay more for the expensive seeds of [genetically modified] trees. Besides, every time farmers want to plant the genetically modified trees in their fields, they need to pay the company for the plant [这里的plant 应该是名词，名词的话好像没有种植的意思，可能要用 the planting，我不太确定，可以讨论下 ]by law.

Moreover, considering the third argument in the passage that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees, the lecturer totally disagrees with the view. Actually, she believes that local wild trees will be aggrassively threatened by the genetically modified trees. These genetically modified trees will undoubtedly compete with the local wild trees with resources [such] as sunlight, nutrition and water.

【lz综合很好，细节很全很具体，只要有些地方注意下表达就好了】