[原创]TWE 010 就要考了，大家快帮忙评分阿。我需要考到5.0以上的。难为死我了。

rowe

10.“When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

A part of statement said like this" People should attribute their success to hard work when they succeed while luck do nothing to it." The attitude to this sentence divert differently. Someone cannot agree with more while others consider that luck indeed do something to success and it play a role. As far as I am concerned, I would like to say I don not agree with this quotation. And both hard work and luck contribute to success.  My opinion will be substantiated in the following analysis.

First of all, hard work plays a vital role in one's success. It goes without saying that all achievements people gain result from diligent work and effort. There are numerous examples and moved stories to support my point of view. Einstein, for example, one of the most outstanding scientists, is famous for his diligence and devotion. And Madame Curie, the first winner of two Noble Prize, spent her most time in the lab. When people discuss a topic about hard work, they always list a large number of remarkable people's names to indicate that success is the outcome of hard work. They are like twins, connecting with each other firmly.

However, does hard work lead to success inevitably and Ultimately? Luck is another indispensable factor for success. let us take Madame Curie as an example again. As we all know, Madame Curie and her husband could not devote themselves in finding one curious  element more while the result disappointed them. At one night, a slight blue flame came into her eyes. Thus this flame earned her the Noble Prize. Imagine that if she had no the good luck to happen to watch this flame, what is the result? Maybe she was just an unknown diligent woman.

In addition, I want to quote a proverb to dedicate my view, that is, man proposed, God disposed. This proverb illustrates the relationship between hard work and luck and also indicates the powerlessness of human being in front of the luck. Undoubtedly, good luck only prefers those prepared persons. Therefore, people should grasp the part of element that they can control and manage and look forward to having good luck.

In sum, luck does not do nothing to success, while it is an important ingredient. To succeed, one have to prepare himself well first then wishes himself good luck.   

   

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-10-15 11:59:59编辑过]

billchen_hikaru

好文章啊!作者是不是考过GMAT的??感觉句式结构特别象,呵呵!

我不能给你评价,因为我也没考过托福,不过按GMAT的标准,如果你还能多点单词,在GMAT的issue里面应该是可以拿4.5以上的!

guandream

以下是引用rowe在2004-10-15 11:58:00的发言：

10.“When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

A part of statement said like this"(a little awkward, but I donot know how to rewrite) People should attribute their success to hard work when they succeed while luck do nothing to it." The attitude to this sentence divert differently. Someone cannot agree with more (it is spoken English)while others consider that luck indeed do something to success and it play a role. As far as I am concerned, I would like to say I don not agree with this quotation statement. And both hard work and luck contribute to success.  My opinion will be substantiated in the following analysis.

theme statement is clear, but not so impressive.

First of all, hard work plays a vital role in one's success. It goes without (is it an idiom? hei...)saying that all achievements people gain result from diligent work and effort. There are numerous examples and moved stories to support my point of view. Einstein,(it is better to write the first name and last name together) for example, one of the most outstanding scientists, is famous for his diligence and devotion. And Madame Curie, the first winner of two Noble Prize, spent her most time in the lab. When people discuss a topic about hard work, they always list a large number of remarkable people's names to indicate that success is the outcome of hard work.(good sentence) They(pronoun but I would repeat the nouns) are like twins, connecting with each other firmly.

However, does hard work lead to success inevitably and Ultimately?(good linking sentence) Luck is another indispensable factor for success. let us take Madame Curie as an example again. As we all know, Madame Curie(are you sure the spelling right) and her husband could not devote themselves in finding one curious  element radioactive elements more while the result disappointed them. At one night, a slight blue flame came into her eyes. Hinted by the flame, she succeeded in discovering the first radioactive element in the chemstry history, earning her the Noble Prize.Thus this flame earned her the Noble Prize. Imagine that if she had no the good luck to happen to watch this flame, what is the result? Maybe she was just an unknown diligent woman.

In addition, I want to quote a proverb to dedicate my view, that is, man proposed, God disposed. This proverb illustrates the relationship between hard work and luck and also indicates the powerlessness of human being in front of the luck. Undoubtedly, good luck only prefers those prepared persons. Therefore, people should grasp the part of element that they can control and manage and look forward to having good luck.

good point

In sum, luck does not do nothing to success, while it is an important ingredient. To succeed, one have to prepare himself well first then wishes himself good luck.   

very weak conclusion

the supporting evidence is good enough, but the conclusion is too weak. check the spelling of the names you mentioned, and pay some attention to spoken english which is not suitable in the formal writing.

guandream

this essay is better than last one. making progress.

rowe

Thank you, Guandream for your prompt response and selfless help. I accept your comments. But I am sure about the names of Madame Curie for I have consulted the dictionary.

Unfortunately, I have to take the CBT tomorrow and  have no time to modify this essay again. But I will remember your advice.If I can achieve the 5.0 or higher score, I would like join your group to help others.

BTW , thank billchen_hikaru for your encouragement.

May God bless me.

guandream

good luck to your exam, and I hope I can see you here.

some tips for your example:

first take your stance immediately,

next brainstorm supporting ideas, and begin to write. donot use the sentence or vocabury you are not sure.

leave at least three minutes to check your essay at the end.

one year ago, I wrote TOFEL. actually, my writing was terrible, the idea was not clear, and all of my sentence is really simple sentence and a lot of repeat simple words"make, do, thing, get", but I scored 4.0.

your writing is not perfect, but there are several impressive points, so try to get the highst as you can.