T不死的作文贴，欢迎拍砖！

T不死

8月16日
Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.

With the development of technology and science, nowadays, the modern family living condition is better off than ever before, and the education level of the parents is highly improved. Under such circumstance, some people believe that now it is much easier for children to achieve success under the guidance of parents than what is like before. In my opinion, when considering the new challenge the children have to face and other factors that involved in the success, however, I will deny that idea, and I believe that it is now more difficult for children to achieve success than ever before, regardless the help of their parents.
To achieve one's success, we should consider many other factors, which are integral to influence the result, such as persistence and talent. We know that children cannot obtain persistence and talent characters from their parents; rather only based on the children's independent effort, will the characters be formed. If the parents impose two much requirement on children, they will gain an opposite outcome. Take my neighbor for example: he was so eager to let his child know the importance of study that he invited the best tutor in our community to teach his child. In the opposite, his child felt boring to study, and was reluctant to observe his father's rule. Hence, family will stunt children's success if it does not induct children properly.
We live in a globalization and unbanization society, and the city is becoming more and more crowded. Accordingly, in the 21st century, the younger in the city will face more challenge than the times in old days: they will face the intense competition and more pressure under the fast pace of living pattern. We can hardly say that they will achieve success much easier, but rather they should pay more energy and effort to be successful. It is not rare to see that nowadays the top MBA school admission standard is becoming more strictly than in 20th century. The application should not only have high scores in GMAT and Toefl, but also experience a high management position in excellent company. Therefore, the fierce competition requires younger to pay more, which makes make the success more difficult to pick.
Admittedly, today, most of parents have abandon the illiteracy, and they can educate and instruct the children, which will make the children more likely to avoid making mistakes. However, as the society keeps on progress, the knowledge need to continually update, and the children can master the new knowledge faster than their parents. Moreover, there are various opportunities lied before children, they will choose another career path, which is completely different from their parents. Consequence, the family will have limited impact on the children's success.
From what we have discussed above, we can safely conclude that family will not largely help the success of the children. There are many other factors that will influence one's success, such as the character of persistent, and the macro economical environment that children live.

听心22

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误





8月15日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes

In modern family, more and more parents pay more attention to children's education than ever before. Hence, the children is (are) under better care. It is not rare to see that some parents revolve around the children to help them avoid of making mistakes. However this kind of great tender does not(no, do no good to 是固定用法好像，如果用not，后面是不是要用for?查了没找到正解) good to children's independent and intellectual creativity. On the contrast, I will be in favor of such parents who let their children to make mistakes and induce them to learn the lesson from the mistakes.
Preparing an(a) ready answer will stunt the development of children's independence. In a traditional Chinese family, there is only one child, and the parents tend to spoil the children to make them feel happy. In the parents' eyes, they will feel happy as long as their children are content. Therefore, in such atmosphere, which children rely too much on parents, will do harm to children's independence characteristics. In this case, if(after) the children leave their home, they will unavoidly(unavoidably) feel helpless when they encouter(encounter)a difficulty. In the long run, they will lose the confidence to solve the problems by themselves, which will have a bad impact in children's future life.
What is more, nowadays, parents are not always free to look after their children. Under the tense society pressure, more and more mothers have to leave their home to go to office for work; meanwhile, the days most mothers were staying at home to coax their children have gone away.(w不太理解这半句存在的必要性) After a long date of work, parents are likely to go to gym to do the fitness, because their bodies are too tire, and（不理解，上了一天半很累还想去gym?）they need sports to refresh their energies. Thus, the children, considering the health of their parents, should do most of work independly.(没理解“家长没时间看孩子，所以他们必须独立”和“允许孩子犯错”的逻辑关系在哪里。)
Finally, making a mistake is a good start to succeed. When one makes a mistake, he is apt to learn a lesson from the mistake: he will think the mistake deeply, and make a summary about how to avoid the mistake. Moreover, in this process, they will develop their creativity. Take the great inventor, Newton, for example，. Newton（这里可省略了吧）was hit by an apple when he stood under the apple tree. After that, he ruminated the  question why the apple would hit him. If his father told him that it was a natural phenomenon that the apple fell when it was ripe, we would miss the rule the gravity. （苹果引起牛顿思索怎么推出错误是成功的起点？看不懂呀，我开始怀疑自己了，哈哈。）
From what we have discussed above, it is safe to conclude that allowing the children to make mistakes and learn a lesson from the mistakes is a better method to educate the children. Only in this way, will the children be independent from their parents and develop the character of creativity.：


总结：语句很流畅，上下句连接自然。我看过你以前的作文都挺好的，可这篇的中间两段的论据与论点让我疑惑不解呀。

T不死

8月17日Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?
There are many factors that a person will take into account when judging a good political or business leader. When it comes to the question of which is the most important, different people will hold different ideas depending on their own perspectives and judgments. As far as I am concerned, the characteristic of responsibility for mistake undoubtedly ranks the first. The reason why I hold this idea is that this characteristic not only represents that the person is mature, but also motivates the person to do well in his scope of work.

Only realizing the important of responsibility and willing to take charge of the obligation can a political or business leader be called a mature adult. In the real business or political world, responsibility is the fundamental requirement for the leader. If a person always ignores his obligation, he will never be admired by his subordinate staff. Hence, his staff will not observe his order, which will be a disaster for the company or the government because he cannot organizer and coordinate other persons to reach the preset goal. My former superintendent, whose position was responsible for the whole department's sale performance, was a selfish man. When the performance at certain month met the target, he would go to the boss office, and make a boast of how excellent he was to manage the team. However, in the performance downfall days, he would tell the boss that it is the team members' responsibility, and complaint that some staff need to be fired. He never attributed a little bit duty to himself. After witting many times of his acting, our team members unveiled his real nature, and ignored what he said. In the end, he had to leave the company. From the example, we can know that responsibility and honest is the basic quality of a good leader.

Moreover, responsibility not only is a prerequisite character for a eminent leader, but also can motive him to work hard when he realizes the mistakes. we do not need to feel fear about the mistake, but we should scare the lack courage of facing the mistake. During the long history of fight with the odious environment, human has the instinct character to solve the problem with proper methods. If one cannot confront the mistake, how can he develop the motivation to solve the problem? The only way for a spineless person to solve the problem maybe is to elude it, leading the problem exist forever. Only the valiant person who is dedicated to the responsibility will diagnose the problem carefully and seek a way to fix the mistake. My honorable high school English teacher, miss zhen, always concentrates on analyzing the students' test performance, especially on the wrong answers. she thinks that it is his fault of not imparting the knowledge to students thoroughly when she reflect the wrong answers done by students, rather than students' careless. It is not rare that the students in her class also lead the performance table. Therefore the courage to undertake the mistakes is very important for a leader to further develop his positive character and seek a solution to the difficulty.

Undoubtedly, we will also use other factors, such as intelligence, leadership, and skill level, to evaluate a good leader. However, when taking into account of all the concerns, I think the responsibility for mistakes is the most important. And it is the prerequisite requirement for a good leader. If a person loses this characteristic, he will never be a good leader.

From what we have discussed above, I strongly agree that the responsibility rank the first to judge a good leader. And it is my first concern to choose a leader, if I can choose freely based on my view.

听心22

8月16日

Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.

With the development of technology and science, nowadays, the modern family living condition is better off than ever before, and the education level of the parents is highly improved. Under such circumstance, some people believe that now (at present) it is much easier for children to achieve success under the guidance of parents than what is like before (in the past). In my opinion, when considering the new challenge the children have to face and other factors that involved in the success, however, I will deny that idea, and I believe that it is nowmore difficult for children to achieve success than ever before, regardless the help of their parents.
To achieve one's success, we should consider many other factors, which are integral to influence the result, such as persistence and talent. We know that children cannot obtain persistence and talent characters from their parents; rather only based on the children's independent effort, will(后面缺少动词) character be formed.(这句看不懂) If the parents impose two（too笔误吧）much requirement on children, (感觉这里要说“不但不能帮助，还会起反作用”更有说服力)they will gain an opposite outcome. Take my neighbor，for example: he was so eager to let his child know the importance of study that he invited the best tutor in our community to teach his child. In the opposite, his child felt boring to study, and was reluctant to observe his father's rule. Hence, family will stunt children's success if it does not induct children properly.
We live in a globalization and unbanization(urbanization) society, and the city is becoming more and more crowded. Accordingly, in the 21st century, the younger in the city will face more challenges than the times in old days: they will face the intense competition and more pressure under the fast pace of living pattern. We can hardly say that they will achieve success much easier, but rather they should pay more energy and effort to be successful. It is not rare to see that nowadays the top MBA school admission standard is becoming more strictly than in 20th century. The application should not only have high scores in GMAT and Toefl, but also experience a high management position in（an）excellent company. Therefore, the fierce competition requires younger to pay more, which makes make the success more difficult to pick.
Admittedly, today, most of (the) parents have (to) abandon the illiteracy(可以这样用么？网上找没找到,) and they can educate and instruct the children, which will make the children more likely to avoid making mistakes. However, as the society keeps on progress, the knowledge need to continually update(前后换个位置好点), and the children can master the new knowledge faster than their parents. Moreover, there are various opportunities lied before children, they will choose another career path, which is completely different from their parents. Consequence, the family will have limited impact on the children's success.
From what we have discussed above, we can safely conclude that family will not largely help the success of the children. There are many other factors that will influence one's success, such as the character of persistent, and the macro economical（economic） environment that children live.
总结：逻辑结构没问题，喜欢你行文的流畅，词汇也不缺啊，个别句子有待商榷。

BTW：谢谢你的批改，很细致，我学到很多

T不死

谢谢听心童子帮我改16号的作文，啥时候我也帮你改下哈

T不死

8.18（因为和8.16重复，根据写作小分队队长建议改题）  Do you agree or disagere that the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teacher's salaries?
There are many factors that should be taken into account when we seek a way to improve the quality of education. Those factors, such as teaching method, teachers' motivation, teachers' profession level, and the advanced fundamental facility in school, etc, form the whole education system. If people ask themselves: which one is the best way to enhance the quality of education. There are various answers based on certain schools' own conditions. In my point of view, if I am a principle in my school, I will put the most energy and money on the school's infrastructure and students’ related issues, rather than on increasing teacher's salaries.
To begin with, teacher's motivation will have a big impact on the quality of education. However increasing teacher's salaries is not the best way to improve the motivation of teachers. For most of the teachers, the reason why they choose the vocation of teaching is that they just find the career fit their affections, such as broadening their knowledge vision and more free time to do deplore their research in certain field. Compared to the increase of salaries, they are more likely to be motivated by providing more fund support in their research field. Take my physics teacher for example: he is a mechanical engineer, and his dream is to invent a robot to manage the housework at home. When he joined our university faculty, he quit the high salary pay in a business company, because the company only wants to utility his knowledge rather to provide fund to support his idea of making the robot. If I am a principle, I will persuade the school to finance his research, which will make him have a sense of importance. Only the teachers, who have the sense, can dedicate themselves in teaching.
Also, if I am a principle, I will exert my effort to renew our laboratory equipments. In our school, the laboratory's instruments and implements are dated. It has been a long time since the last time school replenished the tools and equipments. Because of its poor equipped condition, students rarely go to the laboratory. It is a universal truth that practice is best way to master knowledge deeply. Hence, students' limited practice in the laboratory will impede their further understanding of the physical theory, which will also have a negative impact on their future jobs and study. Moreover, boosting the equipment quality in laboratory will do not need much money compared to the money spent on increasing teacher's salaries, and it will benefit for both students and teacher. Therefore I think concentrating the school's infrastructure is a better way to enhance education quality.
Admitted, with the remarkable increase of salaries, teacher morale will be raised. However, it needs a large amount of money to do this. If we raised the salaries on a trivial level, teachers will not be motivated accordingly. There is also other negative effects, such as the unfair pay raising policy which will, in the opposite, incur dissatisfaction.
Form what we have discussed above, I would rather prefer pay more concentration on the teacher's real requirement and the school's infrastructure level when finding a way to improve the education quality.

T不死

8月19 日Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or characte
With the development of textile and cosmetic, compared to the old days, nowadays people can choose their dress style, such as fashion, classic, or traditional one. Although these style somewhat indicate a man's personality or character, they, however, should not be used as a good indication to judge a man's personality, and sometime judging a person in this way will cause mistakes. The reason is that people have many facet characteristics, and that they are also good at disguising their nature.
To begin with, a person has many facets, because they have many different roles in society. At home, as a man, he should show his responsibility for his child's education, which will make him be a tender and patient man. In business world, his role may be a manager or leader, so he should show his leadership and management talent. In the sport field, he will exhibit his energetic and vigor. Still, in some times, he should be a quiet person, because he needs sometime to ruminate a while for the daily work. Then the problem has comes, if we admit the saying that the clothes and dress style is a good indication of a person's personality, because in the above circumstance, the man maybe dress the same clothes. Therefore, it is difficult to judge a person's character only by the way he dressed.
Move over, in sometimes, the make-up style will disguise a person's inherent nature. For a long history period, we always judge people through their appearance and their garbs, but few of us know that what we have saw will cheat us, because the make-up mechanic. In the "millionaire" movie, because the talor judges the stranger by his ragged dress, he nearly lost a customer. There is also a good example happened in my experience. Once I was a fever fan to a movie star, because of his handsome apperance and fashion style. I insist that his inherent nature is as good as his superficial face. Until I saw his comments in TV that the most interesting thing that he loved to do is going to the drink-bar and smoking, I suddenly realized that he is not beautiful at all. Hence, we need to take more factors into account, when we judge a person, and a mere appearance will make us misunderstanding the real nature of a person.
Admitted, in some circumstance, the dress will give us a first impression to a stranger. However, as we know more about the stranger, we need to consider more factors to know him.
From what we have discussed above, it is safe to conclude that a person's appearance will cheat us, because the make-up technique will disguise his nature, so we need to take more aspects into account when we want to judge a person's real character and personality.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
There are many factors that should be taken into account when we seek a way to improve the quality of education. Those factors, such as teaching method, teachers' motivation, teachers' profession level, and the advanced fundamental facility in school, etc, form the whole education system. If people ask themselves: which one is the best way to enhance the quality of education.这里就不是用句号了，与if联系啊 There are various answers based on certain schools' own conditions. In my point of view, if I am a principle（principal） in my school, I will put the most energy and money on the school's infrastructure and students’ related issues, rather than on increasing teacher's salaries.

To begin with, teacher's motivation will have a big impact on the quality of education. However increasing teacher's salaries is not the best way to improve the motivation of teachers. For most of the teachers, the reason why they choose the vocation of teaching is that they just find the career fit their affections, such as broadening their knowledge vision and more free time to do（多余） deplore their research in certain field. Compared to the increase of salaries, they are more likely to be motivated by providing more fund support in their research field. Take my physics teacher for example: he is a mechanical engineer, and his dream is to invent a robot to manage the housework at home. When he joined our university faculty, he quit the high salary pay in a business company, because the company only wants to utility his knowledge rather to provide fund to support his idea of making the robot. If I am a principle, I will persuade the school to finance his research, which will make him have a sense of importance. Only the teachers, who have the sense, can dedicate themselves in teaching.

Also, if I am a principle, I will exert my effort to renew our laboratory equipments. In our school, the laboratory's instruments and implements are dated. It has been a long time since the last time school replenished the tools and equipments. Because of its poor equipped condition, students rarely go to the laboratory. It is a universal truth that practice is best way to master knowledge deeply. Hence, students' limited practice in the laboratory will impede their further understanding of the physical theory, which will also have a negative impact on their future jobs and study. Moreover, boosting the equipment quality in laboratory will do not need much money compared to the money spent on increasing teacher's salaries, and it will benefit for both students and teacher. Therefore I think concentrating the school's infrastructure is a better way to enhance education quality.（这段写的不错额）

Admitted, with the remarkable increase of salaries, teacher morale will be raised. However, it needs a large amount of money to do this. If we raised the salaries on a trivial level, teachers will not be motivated accordingly. There is also other negative effects, such as the unfair pay raising policy which will, in the opposite, incur dissatisfaction.

Form what we（I 这个是不能用错的了） have discussed above, I would rather prefer pay more concentration on the teacher's real requirement and the school's infrastructure level when finding a way to improve the education quality.
整体的例证都是不错的。

浅吟天

8月19 日Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or characte
黄色模版加好的，绿色批注红色我改的  
With the development of textile and cosmetic, compared to（with） the old days, nowadays people(建议people,摆句首，people,nowadays,can…) can choose their dress style, such as fashion, classic, or traditional one. Although these style(styles)somewhat indicate a man's personality or character, they, however, should not be used as a good indication to judge a man's personality, and sometime judging a person in this way will cause mistakes. The reason is(are) that people have many facet(many facets of cha..) characteristics, and that they are also good at disguising their nature.
To begin with, a person has many facets(换个词呢，前面有了，sides), because they have many different roles in society. At home, as a man, he should show his responsibility for his child's education, which will make him be a tender and patient man. In business world, his role may be a manager or(加个a?回复我一下哈，一直不确定的一个问题) leader, so he should show his leadership and management talent. In the sport field, he will exhibit his energetic(energy) and vigor. Still, in some times, he should be a quiet person, because he needs sometime to ruminate a while for the daily work. Then the problem has comes, if we admit the saying that the clothes and dress style is(are) a good indication (那这个单复数也要改了)of a person's personality, because in the above circumstance, the man maybe dress the same clothes（为啥啊，这里再补一点逻辑就更好了，我就会想他上班西装，运动球服。。）. Therefore, it is difficult to judge a person's character only by the way he dressed.（我觉得这段四个角色很好，但太多了，意思我们都懂就是角色变化，关键是强调后面的角色变化与衣服无关，而这点的叙述上反而一笔带过）
Move over（moreover哇？没懂）, in sometimes, the make-up style will disguise a person's inherent nature. For a long history period, we always judge people through their appearance and their garbs, but few of us know that what we have saw will cheat us, because the make-up mechanic. In the "millionaire" movie, because the talor judges the stranger by his ragged dress, he nearly lost a customer(其实那人有钱，点出来，不然没显出judge外表判断错了). There is also a good example happened in my experience. Once I was a fever fan to a movie star, because of his handsome apperance and fashion style. I insist that his inherent nature is as good as his superficial face. Until I saw his comments in TV that the most interesting thing that he loved to do is（个人觉得可以简略比如，he is fond of…his hobby is..） going to the drink-bar and smoking（再恶劣一点如何，smoking邓爷爷也好这口的。比如劈腿啊这类的，这样反差更大，我好邪恶。。。）, I suddenly realized that he is(请教一个问题，一个过去时的从句中表达一个事实可以用一般现在时哇，一直困扰我。。) not beautiful at all. Hence, we need to take more factors into account, when we judge a person, and a mere appearance will make us misunderstanding（用动词） the real nature of a person.
Admitted, in some circumstance, the dress will give us a first impression to a stranger. However, as we know more about the stranger, we need to consider more factors to know him.
From what we have discussed above, it is safe to conclude that a person's appearance will cheat us, because the make-up technique will disguise his nature, so we need to take more aspects into account when we want to judge a person's real character and personality.(嗯，怎么说呢，我觉得题目是说衣服是不是个indicator对性格，不是从衣服就直接judge一个人了，这个程度要深一点。所以，你说judge时要考虑多方面不能从衣服直接下定论没错，但我们要讨论的是衣服能不能算那么一个方面，给点reference。不知我这么理解题目对不对)





总的来说，lz用词很好，好多好词学习了

但语法错误有点小多，再检查一遍就好了

第二个分论点很好，例子也好。第一个提过了就是再加强下叙述。

浅吟天

说句无关的
咳咳，这么巧，同时在改对方的，马上过去看。。
你的名字好有个性啊。。