angela的写作贴~~板砖神马的随便上哈

Aaaaaaangela

angela的写作贴~~板砖神马的随便上哈

Aaaaaaangela

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

With the tremendous development of modern society, pressure and Anxiety is becoming a serious problem which torture people every moment. Facing this situation, different people have their own method to relieve themselves. There are two mainstream way to help people out of pressure. One is to see a movie or read a book; the other is dong physical exercise such as basketball, football, yoga and so on. Nevertheless, which one has the better effect? As far as I am concerned, doing physical exercise is more efficient compare to the former one.

First and foremost, physical exercise can help people liberate from    pressure completely, while movies and books just have part of function. Physical exercise like yoga let people immerse it and put everything down. I’ll take my sister Ann as an example. Ann is older than me, and she is a bustling office lady. She is always pouring out for her stress and anxiety to me. In the meantime, she tries numerous methods to solve this problem like see a movie. However, it doesn’t efficient. Several days ago, she tried yoga. Everything is changed, she told me a week ago. She said, yoga just like a magic, relaxing her both mentally and physically. Hence, physically exercise can relieve people totally.

Moreover, a recent survey, conducted by Sina.com, China’s largest portal website, offered a worldwide report about what is the efficient way to relax? The result really touched me, over 78% of the voters thought basketball, baseball or yoga can make them relief. On the other part, only 16% of the voters claim that they prefer to watching movies or read books. From the survey, we can draw the conclusion that physically exercise is better.

From all I have discussed above, it is obvious that we can get more relax through physical exercise, rather than by movies or books.

yangyangyu

annnngggggeeeeelllllaaaaa我来也~

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

With the tremendous development of modern society, pressure and Anxiety is becoming a serious problem which torture(s) people every moment. Facing this situation, different people have their own method to relieve themselves. There are two mainstream way(s) to help people out of pressure. One is to see a movie or read a book; the other is dong physical exercise such as playing basketball, football, yoga and so on. (感觉这两点是不是要么都用to do 句式, 或者都 doing会好一点啊?) Nevertheless,(尽管如此? 感觉这里没有很多转折的成分呢) which one has the better effect? As far as I am concerned, doing physical exercise is more efficient(effective) compare(d) to the former one.

First and foremost, physical exercise can help people liberate from pressure completely, while movies and books just have part of function. Physical exercise like yoga let people immerse in it and put everything down. I’ll take my sister Ann as an example. Ann is older than me, and she is a bustling(bustling更多指的是城市生活吧，也可以形容office?) office lady. She is always pouring out (always pours out) for her stress and anxiety to me. In the meantime, she tries numerous methods to solve this problem( for a better way of venting all her life pressures) like to see a movie. However, it doesn’t efficient( efficient是形容词,这里用 work well吧?). Several days ago, she tried yoga. Everything is(was) changed, she told me a week ago. She said, yoga just like a magic, relaxing her both mentally and physically. Hence, physically exercise can relieve people totally.(这个结论感觉有点突兀啊, 直接将特殊推及普遍,你姐姐的情况不能很好说明就一定适用于任何人哦)

Moreover, a recent survey, conducted by Sina.com, China’s largest portal website, offered(published) a worldwide report (report based on a worldwide sample) about what is the efficient way to relax? The result really touched me, over 78% of the voters thought basketball, baseball or yoga can make them relief(名词啊). On the other part(Whereas), only 16% of the voters claim(ed) that they prefer to watchingmovies or read books. From the survey, we can draw the conclusion that physically exercise is better. (呵呵,这个sina调查的例子是你自己编的哦?!找这种调查的例子挺好，只是以后要注意 调查有时会容易有取样不科学的问题，逻辑方面需注意 还有这个例子我觉得不是特别可靠啊, 因为 人们 prefer or  think physical exercises can them relieve就可以说明 physical exercies 就比 book/movie 更有利于 relax了吗? 最好能分析一下,为什么这么多人会选择physical exerices,而不是book/movie.)

From all I have discussed above, it is obvious that we can get more relax through physical exercise, rather than by movies or books.

小结：
angel~要注意 effective 还有 efficient的区别哇: 一个是指 有效果的， 后边一个是指有 效率的 啦
还有 单词的词性~
我觉得去找一个sina那种自创例子的想法还挺不错的，就是同上,选择调查的例子要注意给一个限定,让例子显得更可靠. 还有最好对例子可以深入分析一下哦~
恩，其实说physical exercises 比 read/watch movies 更有利于rest的点还挺多.你的文章感觉更多罗列了一下例子,没有深入进去.你姐姐为什么会认为exercise有用,而movie 没用.还有那个survey也是.不然感觉你姐姐还有survey的例子稍显单薄了一点啊..

anyway,这只是我的一点个人想法了,欢迎讨论哦~加油 加油！！！

Aaaaaaangela

Since the tremendous development of modern society, the pressure of people is increasing seriously. Facing the intense competition, people have to work harder. It seems that they do not have spare time to stay with their families, without mentioning taking care of them. Compared to former, people who choose to live in countryside have more time to get on with their families. Is it means that people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families? As far as I am concerned, this issue is incorrect. My reasons are as follows.
First and foremost, there are two problems, which people who live in modern society concerned most. One is the live condition, the other is education. It is doesn’t exist that people who will not get sick. Moreover, it is obvious that hospitals in cities are better than which in rural areas. And because of the difference condition of hospital, people who live in cities have the stronger bodies. As for education, there is still some way for the schools which lived in countryside to go. In cities, schools are equipped with the most advanced multimedia. And myriad excellent teachers are in those schools. All of these consist of a perfect environment for children. It is more possibility for children who graduate from these schools to success. Consequently, people who live in cities can take care of their families better.
However, there is still exist people claim that the terrible environment in cities is hard to bear, or even make people to death. Indeed, we can not ignore this point. We admit that compared with rural areas, the rivers in cities are horrible smell, and the air is also not fresh. However, we are now seeking method to solve it. We believe, all of these problem can be solved in a period of time.
Of all I have mentioned above, we can draw a conclusion that people who live in cities can take care of their families better compared to people who live in countryside.

包子不包子

Since the tremendous development of modern society, the pressure of people is increasing seriously. Facing the intense competition, people have to work harder. It seems that they do not have spare time to stay with their families, without mentioning taking care of them. Compared to former, people who choose to live in countryside have more time to get on spend with their families.however Is it means that people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families? As far as I am concerned, this issuestatement is incorrect. My reasons are as follows.

First and foremost, there are two problems, which people who live in modern society concerned most. One is the live condition, the other is education. It is doesn’t exist that people who will not get sick. Moreover, it is obvious that hospitals in cities are better than which in rural areas. And because of the difference condition of hospital, people who live in cities have the stronger bodies. As for education, there is still some way for the schools which lived in countryside to go. In cities, schools are equipped with the most advanced multimedia. And myriad excellent teachers are in those schools. All of these consist of a perfect environment for children.It there is more possibility for children who graduate from these schools to success. Consequently, people who live in cities can take care of their families better.

However, there is still exist people claim that the terrible environment in cities is hard to bear, or even make people to death. Indeed, we can not ignore this point. We admit that compared with rural areas, the smell of rivers in cities are horrible smell, and the air is also not fresh. However, we are now seeking method to solve it.them We believe, all of these problem can be solved in a period of time.

Of all I have mentioned above, we can draw a conclusion that people who live in cities can take care of their families better compared to people who live in countryside.

第二段包含了两个论点 分两段展开写吧
句型在多边一些 疑问 排比 倒装什么的都用上~
其他蛮好

Aaaaaaangela

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.

Children are country’s future. In modern society, it is becoming a ticklish problem about how to raise a child. Parents are always holding two opposite opinions about a controversial issue of whether they should encourage their children to do their work themselves without any help. Some opponents claim that it is of necessity of parents to help their children to do their work because especially in china there are too many children need help , or they can not finish their work, while some proponents champion the rival idea that in today’s society, with the intense  competition, there is a tendency that doing work independently is a ability that everyone should have, especially for children, so parents should encourage their children to do their work independently. I definitely support the latter choice with the intensive purpose and substantial reasons.
First and foremost, let’s get down the fundamental and agree that nowadays the ability of independence is the one of most dominant power in a lot of realms and we can feel that this kind of ability is of importance. Therefore, if parents have no inclination to formation the ability of independence of their children, their children will be out of date and to be failures sooner or later. At least it seems to one of my classmates, for instant, lacks of this kind of ability. She lived with her parents before go to college to study. And her parents planned everything for her, both learning and live. And she just followed what her parents said. However, when she was admitted to a university, she left her parents; she became awkward and didn’t know how to plan her life. At the end of that semester, she even didn’t pass the courses. And now she is suspended from school because of she can’t suit the independent phenomenon. In all, the quantity of independence is significant.
Furthermore, not only can children acquire the method to absorb new skills but also can build the qualities, such as self-support, self-confidence and critical thinking. Perhaps during the childhood, many of the qualities that the children have can not influence obviously. But once children grow up and become adults, and in that new platform, all of these qualities can help them to be success.
In conclusion, that all parents should encourage their children to do work independently. It will enhance their children both mentally and physically. It is fairly clear that the increasing number of talented person can be created in our country with the ability of independence.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Children are country’s future. In modern society, it is becoming a ticklish problem about how to raise a child. Parents are always holding two opposite opinions about a controversial issue of whether they should encourage their children to do their work themselves without any help. Some opponents claim that it is of necessity of parents to help their children to do their work because especially in china there are too many children need help , or they can not finish their work, while some proponents champion the rival idea that in today’s society, with the intense  competition, there is a tendency that doing work independently is a ability that everyone should have, especially for children, so parents should encourage their children to do their work independently. I definitely support the latter choice with the intensive purpose and substantial reasons.

First and foremost, let’s get down the fundamental and agree that nowadays the ability of independence is one of most dominant power in a lot of realms. And we can feel that this kind of ability is of importance. Therefore, if parents have no inclination to formation the ability of independence of their children, their children will be out of date and to be failures(failed) sooner or later. At least it seems to one of my classmates, for instantce, lacks of this kind of ability. She lived with her parents before go to college to study. And her parents planned everything for her, both learning and live. And she just followed what her parents said. However, when she was admitted to a university, she left her parents; she became awkward and didn’t know how to plan her life. At the end of that semester, she even didn’t pass the courses. And now she is suspended from school because of she can’t suit the independent phenomenon situation or environment?. In all, the quantity of independence is significant.

Furthermore, not only can children acquire the method to absorb new skills but also can build the qualities, such as self-support, self-confidence and critical thinking (by what?). Perhaps during the childhood, many of the qualities that the children have can not influence their life obviously. But once children grow up and become adults, and in that new platform, all of these qualities can help them to be successful.

In conclusion, that all parents should encourage their children to do work independently. It will enhance their children both mentally and physically. It is fairly clear that the increasing number of talented person can be created in our country with the ability of independence.

整体不错的说，还好了，呵呵，字数够，段落也不错。稍加改进，会很好。另外一点就是可以的使用长句不是很好额，会造成误解。

kchszy061ban

多谢angela童鞋的辛苦修改，你在武汉我就请你吃冰镇西瓜。嘿嘿。来武汉也可以哈。

Aaaaaaangela

前几天一直出去旅游了，所以没有看见，嘿嘿，下次有机会再一起互改吧，一起提高哦

Aaaaaaangela

Do children should do the similar jobs like their parents? Is it beneficial for children to choose those jobs? Can those job help children to achieve success? My answer is no!

First and foremost, we can not deny that doing the resembling job make children’s career easier at the beginning and promotion faster. However, it is myopic. Only doing the interesting job, can we have the bright future, or it will bring endless excruciation and torment. I’ll take my brother Jim as an example. Jim is born in a family of doctors. And when he was a child, my uncle and aunt always educated him to be a doctor like them. On the countryside, Jim was interested in Mathematics, and thought to be a doctor is boring. After the college entrance examination, he was forced to choose the medicine as his discipline. After he graduated from university, he became a doctor. It was easy for him to find a job for the influence of his parents. However, he suffered a lot of torment both mentally and physically, as he did not like this job. As far as I am concerned, there is more possibility for people to success when they do their interested things. And there is no doubt that Jim would be more success if he choose math as his job at the beginning.

Furthermore, a recent survey, conducted by Sina.com, China’s largest portal website, offered a worldwide report about how many people success through doing his interesting job. The result shocked me a lot. Over 69% of the voters claimed that they were success because of doing their own interesting jobs which brought them passion and propulsion. And only 13% of the voter maintained that doing the similar jobs like parents helped them in their career, and of course it is including those similar jobs were exactly their interesting jobs. Accordingly, a bright future is not determined by the contemporary power at the beginning, and it needs a continue motion.

We have to facing numerous choosing in our lifetime, selecting a perfect job is one of that. And from all have mentioned above, we can draw the conclusion that it is good for children to do their own interested jobs, which can bring us a bright future.