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楼主: stefaniewyh
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【写作小分队】小雪的作文贴~

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21#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-21 00:20:51 | 只看该作者
妹子你眼力真好,确实是上周刚考完的G
现在练作文都没有掐时间,所以感觉很多地方写的太多余了。谢谢你的意见~自己看很难发现~
22#
发表于 2012-9-21 14:21:51 | 只看该作者
Almost all entrepreneurs usually expect employees to make great profit for them, but probably draw back when they were (时态)asked to invest on employees. Their decisions are acceptable but not provident, especially in the modern business world as far as I can tell(觉得AS FAR AS I CAN TELL 放在ESPECIALLY后面前后打上逗号做插入语会不会更好啊?). The advantages of investment to improve the workers' skill would overwhelm its defects.


In many famous modern enterprises, managers become aware of the importance of improving the working skills of the workers and invest more on relevant trainings and activities because it is beneficial for employees as well as employers. For employees, these trainings not only enhance working skills and experiences(做经验讲时不可数。做经历讲时才可数), but also instigate them to get a sense of affiliation and responsibility to the company, everyone to be more incentive to work. (好长的一句话……T-T感觉之后考G路无比艰难啊……)Meanwhile, for employers, this potential investment creates a harmonious working atmosphere and positive enterprise culture, which is a significant attraction for job hunters. In conclusion, it is a win-win relationship.



Admittedly, it is plausible that job-hopping is one of the concerns of employers, so they don't want to take the risk of losing both money and talents.Whereas the worker is beyond reproach for leaving to chase better job but the company should introspect why the work are reluctant to stay. The question can be dug into the enterprise atmosphere or culture which i have argued previously can be better build up by the investment for works' skill training(。。。水平有限这句没看懂……). It does not require great intelligence to ascertain that this is a virtuous cycle. The geniality of enterprises, caring about the development of employees, will not only attract but also keep more works.(既然说到是循环,那就把圆画满嘛……公司对职员好,职员效忠公司,公司再对职员更好……)


In addition, I also concede that there are many other investments the manager should concern, such as the working condition and facility. These equipments are the basic for the company that would help workers to work efficiently and flawlessly(would like...?), and take advantage of (make the best of )workers' potential. However, talents are much more difficult to find and cultivate than the materials.(点找的真好!)Even the most advanced device would be a bulk of metal trash if no one can use it.(好!) How precious it is for a company to have a group of elites in the modern business competition. (叹号?)Therefore, managers should pay more attention on the personnel cultivation.


To sum up, investing employees(investing in training /improvement....of employee) is a favorable management strategy with predictable potential influence on the development of companies. This win-win tactic and virtuous cycle should be appreciated by all entrepreneurs.

感觉写的挺好的……词汇句型都很好……我需要借助词典才能看明白……(T-T忽然觉得自己人生无望了……)观点也挺好的~ 除了上面写出的几点~

加油加油!!!
23#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-21 18:06:25 | 只看该作者

9月21日独立

It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.


Our parents or grandparents always teach us do not spend the money improvidently but save them for the future. As a member of the new generation in the modern society, I can only agree with the first teaching as thrift is a precious and enduring virtue, yet the last doctrine has already been behind the times. For the individual, the society and the economy, saving money probably cannot get reward as many as spending on traveling.


To begin with, we can benefit a lot from travel or jaunt. After a long period of hard working in the airtight office or classroom, taking a trip is a favorable way to relax physically and mentally. When I walk on the Medieval street in Madrid, I feel easy and get lost in this tranquil atmosphere; when I conquer a high mountain, I feel like I am the king of the world and full of confidence; when I lie on the beach, listen the euphonic sound of waves and stare at the endless blue sky, all of my stress will disappear. In addition, traveling is an efficient way to experience the world. For example, as a student majored in architecture, to stand inside a gothic church, to touch the delicate sculpture and to feel the light through the rose window can provide the real experience which I cannot get from photos. Moreover, people in common can obtain different kind of knowledge and new perspective in looking at the environment.


As for the society, traveling is a significant way to contribute to the development and fusion of different culture. Thanks to the advanced transportation technology, the world seems to be smaller than ancient time. To acclimate the new global village, people are eager to get familiar with foreign culture and show their own culture to the world. For instance, the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008 and the Shanghai World Expo in 2010 provided a great stage for China to show its characters and attract billions of people to visit. If people all grasp their money and stay at home, the world will not be active and wonderful like today.


Last but not least, seeing from the economic aspect, saving money, especially in the bank, will not render any interests for clients as the serious inflation. However, the profit created by tourism industry is increasing dramatically in recent years. Statistic tells us that in 2012, the revenue of tourism industry is a quarter of the whole Gross National Product of China. Furthermore, on one hand the development of tourism can generate more jobs for people and provoke relevant business to palmy. On the other hand, some countries continue to lower the interests in order to force people to spend their money. As a result, the money saved in the bank will not increase the value yet will probably decrease.


To sum up, in the severely competitive society, we can not only take a good rest but also obtain knowledge by traveling. At the same time, we make a contribution to cultural fusion and economic development, and ultimately, it will benefit ourselves. In one word, traveling is much better than saving money in both microscopic and macroscopic view.
24#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-21 21:01:12 | 只看该作者

9月21日综合 TPO1 第二次写了。。。。。

Three reasons are provided in the reading material to prove the author's assertion that four-day workweek will benefit companies, the national employment condition and workers. However, the lecture raises a contradiction against the author, claiming that this policy will not have such positive influence on none of the three sides.


To begin with, the author asserts that under the influence of the four-day workweek policy, the company will get more energetic and vigilant, fewer exhausted and fallible stuff in a low cost for payroll. However, the lecturer challenges what the author pictures. The lecturer points out companies probably force workers to finish the five-day's work within four days, making workers more tired than before. Moreover, the cost for hire new employees will not decline if the new working facilities, training and medical insurance are taken into account. As a result, the cost will dramatically cut off the profit.


In addition, the lecturer illustrates that the unemployment rate will not decrease since this policy cannot bring out new jobs. Understandably the manager will be prone to hire workers who can work overtime to finish the work on time as before. Moreover, the expectation on the quality of the work will increase as workers have more time to rest. Considering the high cost for new employment, the company will be reluctant to hire more green hands. In this case, there will be no more unemployment but more stress on the workers.


Last but not least, the lecturer also claims that workers will take more risks if they want to choose work four days in a week. Their working skills will decrease and companies do not want to hire four-day workers. Therefore, workers will have less opportunity for promotion and even may lose their jobs. The stress in this plight will certainly balloon, let alone more leisure time for families and fun.


In conclusion, the lecturer contradicts what the author maintain, expounding that the four-day workweek policy will not benefit the company's profit, economic condition or the workers' lives.
25#
发表于 2012-9-22 16:50:11 | 只看该作者
It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.

Our parents or grandparents always teach us do not spend the money improvidently but save them for the future. As a member of the new generation in the modern society, I can only agree with the first teaching as thrift is a precious and enduring virtue, yet the last doctrine has already been behind the times.(这句话的意思是什么?中间的转折的意思有点连不上,as是不是换成that才是正确的?)For the individual, the society and the economy(economy不会save money的), saving money probably cannot get reward as many as spending on traveling.


To begin with, we can benefit a lot from travel or jaunt. After a long period of hard working in the airtight office or classroom, taking a trip is a favorable way to relax physically and mentally. When I walk on the Medieval street in Madrid, I feel easy and get lost in this tranquil atmosphere; when I conquer a high mountain, I feel like I am the king of the world and full of confidence; when I lie on the beach, listening the euphonic sound of waves and staring at the endless blue sky, all of my stress disappears.(用will disappear这个时态是错的)In addition, traveling is an efficient way to experience the world. For example, as a student majored in architecture, to stand inside a gothic church, to touch the delicate sculpture and to feel the light through the rose window can provide the real experience which I cannot get from photos. Moreover, people in common(这个是普通人的意思么?这样表达挺奇怪啊) can obtain different kind of knowledge and new perspective in looking at the environment.


As for the society, traveling is a significant way to contribute to the development and fusion of different culture. Thanks to the advanced transportation technology, the world seems to be smaller than ancient time. To acclimate to the new global village, people are eager to get familiar with foreign culture and show their own culture to the world. For instance, the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008 and the Shanghai World Expo in 2010 provided a great stage for China to show its characters and attract billions of people to visit. If people all grasp their money and stay at home, the world will not be active and wonderful like today.


Last but not least, seeing from the economic aspect, saving money, especially in the bank, will not render any interests for clients as the serious inflation. However, the profit created by tourism industry is increasing dramatically in recent years. Statistic tells us that in 2012, the revenue of tourism industry is a quarter of the whole Gross National Product of China. Furthermore, on one hand the development of tourism can generate more jobs for people and provoke relevant business to palmy. On the other hand, some countries continue to lower the interests in order to force people to spend their money. As a result, the money saved in the bank will not increase the value yet will probably decrease.


To sum up, in the severely competitive society, we can not only take a good rest but also obtain knowledge by traveling.这个句子在表达什么?By traveling not only can we take a good rest but also obtain knowledge in the severely competitive society.如果是我我会这样写)At the same time, we make a contribution to cultural fusion and economic development, and ultimately, it will benefit ourselves. In one word, traveling is much better than saving money in both microscopic and macroscopic view.

你快考试了,我觉得现在主要还是多浏览一下别人的范文,看到高亮句子就背背吧,现在要再基础好上增添华丽一点的句式。
我说一些中式英语思维这个问题啊,因为我总是被人说,但我看自己的看不出来,但是你这一篇里面有一些写的我突然觉得有点中式英语的迹象,比如traveling is an efficient way to experience the world这样子的表达,就有点中式英语的感觉了。还有这句To acclimate to the new global village, people are eager to get familiar with foreign culture and show their own culture to the world.我觉得改成In the aim of being conditioned to the global village, communicating with various countries and demonstrating mutual culture by journey can do a lot of help.
虽然是中式思维,也要写成华丽句式的中式思维。。我是这样觉得的。
还有你的措辞比较简单,不够丰富来讨好托福评卷者。例子方面可能要再举实际一点的,比较好得分。考试的时候写完了要检查一下你的语法什么的。
就这些。祝你成功。
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