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It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.
Our parents or grandparents always teach us do not spend the money improvidently but save them for the future. As a member of the new generation in the modern society, I can only agree with the first teaching as thrift is a precious and enduring virtue, yet the last doctrine has already been behind the times.(这句话的意思是什么?中间的转折的意思有点连不上,as是不是换成that才是正确的?)For the individual, the society and the economy(economy不会save money的), saving money probably cannot get reward as many as spending on traveling.
To begin with, we can benefit a lot from travel or jaunt. After a long period of hard working in the airtight office or classroom, taking a trip is a favorable way to relax physically and mentally. When I walk on the Medieval street in Madrid, I feel easy and get lost in this tranquil atmosphere; when I conquer a high mountain, I feel like I am the king of the world and full of confidence; when I lie on the beach, listening the euphonic sound of waves and staring at the endless blue sky, all of my stress disappears.(用will disappear这个时态是错的)In addition, traveling is an efficient way to experience the world. For example, as a student majored in architecture, to stand inside a gothic church, to touch the delicate sculpture and to feel the light through the rose window can provide the real experience which I cannot get from photos. Moreover, people in common(这个是普通人的意思么?这样表达挺奇怪啊) can obtain different kind of knowledge and new perspective in looking at the environment.
As for the society, traveling is a significant way to contribute to the development and fusion of different culture. Thanks to the advanced transportation technology, the world seems to be smaller than ancient time. To acclimate to the new global village, people are eager to get familiar with foreign culture and show their own culture to the world. For instance, the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008 and the Shanghai World Expo in 2010 provided a great stage for China to show its characters and attract billions of people to visit. If people all grasp their money and stay at home, the world will not be active and wonderful like today.
Last but not least, seeing from the economic aspect, saving money, especially in the bank, will not render any interests for clients as the serious inflation. However, the profit created by tourism industry is increasing dramatically in recent years. Statistic tells us that in 2012, the revenue of tourism industry is a quarter of the whole Gross National Product of China. Furthermore, on one hand the development of tourism can generate more jobs for people and provoke relevant business to palmy. On the other hand, some countries continue to lower the interests in order to force people to spend their money. As a result, the money saved in the bank will not increase the value yet will probably decrease.
To sum up, in the severely competitive society, we can not only take a good rest but also obtain knowledge by traveling.(这个句子在表达什么?By traveling not only can we take a good rest but also obtain knowledge in the severely competitive society.如果是我我会这样写)At the same time, we make a contribution to cultural fusion and economic development, and ultimately, it will benefit ourselves. In one word, traveling is much better than saving money in both microscopic and macroscopic view.
你快考试了,我觉得现在主要还是多浏览一下别人的范文,看到高亮句子就背背吧,现在要再基础好上增添华丽一点的句式。 我说一些中式英语思维这个问题啊,因为我总是被人说,但我看自己的看不出来,但是你这一篇里面有一些写的我突然觉得有点中式英语的迹象,比如traveling is an efficient way to experience the world这样子的表达,就有点中式英语的感觉了。还有这句To acclimate to the new global village, people are eager to get familiar with foreign culture and show their own culture to the world.我觉得改成In the aim of being conditioned to the global village, communicating with various countries and demonstrating mutual culture by journey can do a lot of help. 虽然是中式思维,也要写成华丽句式的中式思维。。我是这样觉得的。 还有你的措辞比较简单,不够丰富来讨好托福评卷者。例子方面可能要再举实际一点的,比较好得分。考试的时候写完了要检查一下你的语法什么的。 就这些。祝你成功。 |
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