TWE097,多谢指点了！

carlli2001

望能有辛被仔细圈点！！！

097.   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid

according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support

your opinion.

    It is a pretty controversial topic that whether or not to pay teachers according to how much their students learn.  Some people agree the point, while many others do not support it.  If I would be compelled to choose one side.  I would rather insist that teachers not be paid that way.  Some of the reasons are debated as follow.

    First and foremost, it is almost impossible to assess how much the students learn from a teacher due to the nature of knowledge.  Even though there are more and more standard exams available, it is not safe to say which one is the best and therefore could rate the students well.  As we all know, there are many other factors affecting students' achievement in the exams.  So it is unfair to judge teachers by any kind of exams, making it impractical to pay teachers according to their students' performance.

    In the second place, even the best teacher could not grantee every student excellent.  My meaning is that teaching is a mutual process, not only depending on what teachers instruct, but also depending on how students learn.  For example, two students are available now, one is very smart and also a hard leaner, on the contrary, another is less than average and do not want to concentrate on his study.  Although their different teachers both work pretty hard, the results would be quite different.  It is obvious that the two teachers should be paid under what they do rather than under how much their students learn.

    Admittedly, a good teacher could make more well performed students on average.  Naturally, we will doubt a teacher's behavior when his/her students always lag behind other comparable students.  From this point, we had better look on paying according to how much the students learn as an implement method.

    To summarize, I believe that paying teachers according to how much their students learn has more disadvantages than advantages, not only because it is difficult to assess students achievement, but also because teachers should not be responsible for all of the bad performance of their students. Therefore, I strongly hold that teachers not be paid according to how much their students learn.     

   

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-9-22 10:58:03编辑过]

guandream

以下是引用carlli2001在2004-9-22 10:56:00的发言：

望能有辛被仔细圈点！！！

097.   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid

according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support

your opinion.

    It is a pretty controversial topic that whether or not to pay teachers according to how much their students learn. (sentence fragment) whether or not teachers get pay depending on students' learning. Some people agree the point, while many others do not support (oppose)it.  If I would be compelled to choose one side. (,)( you are not compelled to choose one side, but only you can share your opinion) I would rather insist that teachers not be paid that way.(what way?)  Some of the reasons are debated (discussed)as follow.

your opinion is not clear enough to make readers understand immediately. if you can add more information about the organization of your supporting ideas instead of the general statement (some of the reasons are discussed as follow), this introduction may be more effective.

    First and foremost, it is almost impossible(difficult) to assess how much the students learn from a teacher due to the nature of knowledge(?).  Even though there are more and more standard exams available, it is not safe to say which one is the best, and therefore hence could rate  rank the students well   students' achievements. As we all know, there are many other factors affecting( to affect?) students' achievement in the exams( for example, genius).  So (coordinate conjunction) therefore, it is unfair to judge teachers (students' attainments) by any kind of exams, thereby making it impractical to pay teachers according to their students' performance (such judgement).

    you have a very good idea to support your stance. but some make sure that some relation is logical. when you mention "nature of knowledge", I anticipate that you will explain what the tern refers to, but you didn't.  be careful the use of the abstract term.

In the second place, even the best teacher could not grantee(spell wrong?) (that) every student (can be )excellent. My meaning is that teaching is a mutual process not only depending on what teachers instruct, but also depending on how students learn. (I don't get it???) teaching is a mutual process. the result of teaching not only depends on what teachers instruct, but also on how students learn.For example, two students are available now(for what?), one is very smart and also a hard leaner (dedicated)(.)on the contrary, another(the other) is less than average and do not want to concentrate on his study.  Although their different teachers who are the best in teaching (you mention the best teacher at the beginning) both work pretty hard, the results would be result is quite different.  It is obvious that the two teachers should be paid under what they do rather than under how much their students learn.

I can't draw such conclusion from the example. and now you have a new suggestion "two teachers should be paid under what they do rather than under how much their students learn", but you donot provide some evidence to make your case.

    Admittedly, a good teacher could make more well performed students on average.  Naturally, we will check doubt a teacher's behavior (nothing about teachers' behavior in this case) commitments and way of teaching when his/her students always lag behind other comparable students.  From this point, we had better look on paying according to how much the students learn as an implement method.( you are against yourself. DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE)

    To summarize, I believe that paying teachers according to how much their students learn has more disadvantages than advantages is unfair and misleading(you don't illutrate what kinds of advantage or disadvantage about  the way of paying teachers. it is a new idea, not good) not only because it is difficult to assess students achievement, but also because teachers should not be responsible for all of the bad performance of their students. Therefore, I strongly hold that teachers (should) not be paid according to how much their students learn.  

the structure of the conclusion  is excellent, but make sure that new ideas are very dangerous.

   

finally get it done. it took me more than one hour to edit and understand what you said. it is a little tough for me, since my writing is so-so, but I learn a lot from this friend.

some suggetion for this friend:

the essay has a good frame; however, the ideas are not logical. as a reader, I only read the word from the paper, not your ideas in your brain. but don't worry, what you need is only to practice more.

pengstone

guandream的点评很到位 学习中...

carlli2001

着实感激guandream的辛勤劳动和无私帮助，多谢了！

这篇文章确实在逻辑上不够严谨，等等等等~~~~

snow_mountain

good suggestion from guandream.

by the way, although the writing needs improvement, it is good to cast away the stereotyped expressions of the so-called template samples. Some expressions in template are very awkward that native speakers seldom use at all.

You are in the right direction. keep practicing.

Coco2005

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