[求助]TWE 179, 请批改.谢谢.

maomm

本想写5段的,可是实在是想不出来理由了.呵呵.感谢批改.^_^

179  What are some of the qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and examples to explain your answer.

        

        A Parent, the backbone of a family, play a crucial role to kids' grow up. According to researchers' opinion that father and mother are children's first and foremost teachers from the newborn. What quantities a good parent should possess? People puzzle their wits to find some answers. In my part, I would like to regard dedication and tolerance as my answer. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

        First of all, dedication is the initial quantity that a good parent should hold. If dad and mom plunge into taking care of the life and providing the education of their little honey after work, not only is the relationship between them much closer, but also the child may live in the family enriched with love. As a result, they will grow up cheerfully and healthily. Without the care of the dedicated parent, kid could not live soundly. For example, a boy, one of my middle school classmate, whose parent is up to their legs full with jobs all day and all night. Lack of the normal life and the endless love from his family, he gradually dislike to study and leave the school eventually. Don’t you think the example quoted above is very persuasive?

        Next, tolerant is another characteristic that a good parent should has. The parent who can easily forgive the wrong done by their kid will be beneficial to help the child to clarify what should do the next time. As far as we know that, if aware of the mistake, the adolescence not uncommonly worry about the abuse originated from his angrily parent. Conversely, in stead of complaining, the father and the mother only give a rational talk with child, which will definitely make him not do that any more.  For instance, when I began to learn Math as an elementary school student, lacking of the interest in it, I did not listen to the class. Accordingly, I got an embarrass score in mid-term test. At home, what I got was merely a nice talk with my kind parent. Finally, I passed the examination in end-term with B.

      All reliable evidences point to one saying,  that is good parent should be dedicated and tolerant. Dedicated to the kid from father and mother will give him a normal and nice environment to grow up. Meanwhile tolerant parent bring child with much more free life to enjoy. Both are all beneficial to the grow up for adolescence.

maomm

怎么没人帮偶改呢,55.......,肯定是写得太烂了.........

帮忙呀,各位NN

snow_mountain

首先， 请您不要着急。 大家都很忙， 版主也都是义务的。 现在是申请高峰期，有时很难照顾的过来。

其次， 不会有人因为你写的不好就不理你。 我们开辟这块板块的目的就是为了帮助大家提高作文水平。同时我们提倡互相批该作文。 在互相学习的过程中最能提高。

大概看了一下你的作文， 发现语法错误不少。 比方说，tolerant 是形容词，不能直接做主语。 evidence 不可数，不能加s.  one of 后面应该加可数名词的复数等等。 我建议你自己先修改一下。

likui

不要着急，这里有kuikui呢；不过建议你先自己修改一下，特别是一些单复数的小问题，自己完全可以改吗。

不需要段首缩进。
A Parent, the backbone of a family, play a crucial role to kids\' grow up(play a crucial role in kids's growth). According to researchers\' opinion that(变一句为两句，“according to---，---.”according to常引导分句) father and mother are children\'s first and foremost teachers from the newborn. What quantities a good parent should possess?（从标点符号看出，应该是一个特殊疑问句，should应该前置） People puzzle their wits to find some answers. In my part, I would like to regard dedication and tolerance as my answer. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

First of all, dedication is the initial quantity that a good parent should hold. If dad and mom（改回father and mother，dad and mon太口语） plunge into taking care of the life and providing the education of their little honey after work, not only is the relationship between them much closer, but also the child may live in the family enriched with love（not only---，but also---.所接部分必须结构相同）. As a result, they will grow up cheerfully and healthily. Without the care of the dedicated parent, kid(kids) could not live soundly. For example, a boy, one of my middle school classmate(classmates), whose parent is up to their legs full with jobs all day and all night. (By)Lack of the normal life and the endless love from his family, he gradually dislike to study and (then)leave the school eventually. Don’t you think the example quoted above is very persuasive? (最后这个疑问句要甚用，特别是向you“阅卷人”发问）

Next, tolerant is another characteristic that a good parent should has（have）. The parent who can easily forgive the wrong done by their kid will be beneficial to help the child to clarify what should do the next time. As far as we know that, if aware of the mistake, the adolescence not uncommonly worry about the abuse originated from his angrily parent. Conversely, in stead of complaining, the father and the mother only give a rational talk with child, which will definitely make him not do that any more.  For instance, when I began to learn Math as an elementary school student, lacking of the interest in it, I did not listen to the class（the teachers）. Accordingly, I got an embarrass score in mid-term test. At home, what I got was merely a nice talk with my kind parent. Finally, I passed the examination in end-term with B.

All reliable evidences（evidence） point to one saying,  that is good parent（parents） should be dedicated and tolerant. Dedicated to the kid from father and mother(dedication from father and mother) will give him a normal and nice environment to grow up. Meanwhile tolerant parent bring child with much more free life to enjoy. Both are all beneficial to the grow up for adolescence（adolescence's growth).

先这么改了，结构还好，有些句子还要好好考虑，举例支撑不足。多看阅读文章，多看模板。

加油！

maomm

感谢两位版主的修改.我会努力改出起码没有语法错误的第二稿的.并也参与对其他朋友的修改中,虽然我水平不高,但也会有一份力出一份力的.

另外:BRYONY版主,请你不要多想,知道大家都是义务来修改的,我并没有责怪版主们的意思,只是自己比较急,水平差想通过大家的帮助,更好的提高一下.根本没有怪大家抽不出空来帮我修改.

gladys_gl

KUI 哥，这个头像让人好怕怕，原来的那个不是挺好的吗

likui

以下是引用gladys_gl在2004-9-17 0:56:00的发言：
KUI 哥，这个头像让人好怕怕，原来的那个不是挺好的吗

有人打帖说你kui哥“扮小姑娘上瘾”（我这个火的；当然了，人不能有心理障碍，所以及时改正）。这个是美国R&B教父，我比较喜欢Eminem，陶喆和Jay Chou的R&B，就用这个了。

likui

以下是引用maomm在2004-9-16 23:30:00的发言：

感谢两位版主的修改.我会努力改出起码没有语法错误的第二稿的.并也参与对其他朋友的修改中,虽然我水平不高,但也会有一份力出一份力的.

谢谢你。

另外:BRYONY版主,请你不要多想,知道大家都是义务来修改的,我并没有责怪版主们的意思,只是自己比较急,水平差想通过大家的帮助,更好的提高一下.根本没有怪大家抽不出空来帮我修改.

Bryony可是好心人；我们通常也不多想，尽力希望能帮得上你。