济南新东方老师对一篇例文的分析

williamk

我们先来看一下这篇范文
Topic: What most human beings really want to attain is not knowledge, but certainty. Gaining real knowledge requires taking risks and keeping the mind opening but most people prefer to be reassured rather than to learn the complex and often unsettling truth about anything.

It seems that many people have formed an unrealistic picture of the relationship between certainty and knowledge or truth. I am always amazed when I hear people saying that neither learning nor keeping an open mind can attain certainty. As far as I am concerned, if seeking reassurance, people need to gain real knowledge and make it possible for them to require unceasing study and keeping an open mind.

To begin with, only after people have gained real knowledge can they be competent for a better comprehension of the world. As is known to all, revolution in the long historical river, no one can ignore the fact that the process whose human has undergone from ignorance to civilization.

The most convincing example is the 'Heliocentric Theory" of Copernicus, whose theory overthrew the opinions dominated by Aristotle, Ptolemy and Christianity and his ideas have changed the process of human civilization. This, however, is not the first such revolution in astronomical history or even in other historical disciplines, and probably will not be the last one either.

Furthermore, human being's unremitting pursuit of knowledge is not for the sake of knowledge, but largely for the sake of their settled life goals and acquiring a degree of certainty about them.

After all, in an increasingly competitive society, living requires people hold not only professional knowledge in which is concerned with their own field in the workplace, but also various other subjects. In fact, in the present society, many successful people tend to study hard to be knowledgeable. Therefore, we can be convinced by this reason that knowledge is power and, it is important to arm oneself with it.

Finally, the sustainable development of society requires human beings to study unceasingly and keep an open mind. Because we live in a information-explosion and an era of the rapid development of scientific technology, if we hope to keep up with the times，we need constant study and to renew our ideas for the appropriate situation of continuing the development of society. As we all know, it is never too late to learn.

In conclusion, if to obtain certainty, people must gain real knowledge in order to have a better comprehension of the world and then acquire a positive understanding of their goals , then unceasing study and maintaining and open mind for adapting to the situation of the continuing development of society, is required.

这篇文章在网上被作为“美文”来传播，很多国内的考生都表示要“学习”和“模仿”，实在是一件很危险的事情。因为这体现了国内考生对GRE写作的评价标准仍然存在很大的误区。这篇文章想要得到四分都是很困难的。

大家比较欣赏的是这篇文章的语言表达比较流畅，这是我们国内很多学生都做不到的，所以大家觉得很牛。但是文章的内容完全没有深度，仍然不可能得到高分。

作者显然并不理解题目里面说“大多数人追求的不是真理而是踏实”的含义。很多人应该都听过这样一个故事：一架飞机上，广播里面讲说飞机可能要坠落，请大家做好准备逃生。此时整个机舱里乱成一团，人们纷纷哭天喊地，手忙脚乱，只有一个中年男子镇定的坐在位子上，静静的祈祷。结果飞机平安着陆，那个男子冷静的拎起随身皮包，第一个走出机舱，在机场的中央跪下来亲吻大地，感谢上帝的救助。在这个故事中，使中年男子能够保持心情平静的并不是关于上帝是否真的存在的知识探索，而是上帝会来救助的坚定信念。我们且不探讨宗教的内容是否是“知识”，至少对于选择宗教的人们，上帝存在的坚定感（certainty）是比上帝是否存在的真相（truth）更加重要的。
再比如进化论的提出曾经颠覆了人们“上帝制造万物”的观点，人不再是凌驾于万物之上的“天经地义”的领主。这在当时人们的心里是造成了很大的震动的。因为长久以来人们对世界的认识被否定了，就像一个小孩子突然被告知圣诞老人其实不存在，长大之后回想会觉得当时真是傻，可是在那个当下每个人都是不肯接受事实的吧。

正是因为对题目的不理解，作者没有办法做任何深入的探讨，只能想很多“思路”，写很多段，好像都在围绕题目讲，但是每一段都短短的，没有任何发展，段与段之间也没有实质的逻辑联系，这就是"lack of focus and cohesions"。

比如作者举哥白尼提出日心说的例子，只有一句话“The most convincing example is the 'Heliocentric Theory" of Copernicus, whose theory overthrew the opinions dominated by Aristotle, Ptolemy and Christianity and his ideas have changed the process of human civilization.”是否convincing不是你自己说了算的，你要分析给读者为什么这个例子能够证明你的观点。我们讨论的是人们追求的是踏实还是真理，而这个例子的结论是哥白尼的观点改变了人类文明的轨迹。这只能说明这个观点本身是“truth”，可是这跟踏不踏实有什么关系呢？如果说当时人们的心理反应的话的，坚信地球是上帝造物的中心每周去教堂接受这样观念的人们倒是大大的“不淡定”了一下呢。这不恰好说明“What most human beings really want to attain is not knowledge, but certainty.”吗？可见作者并不理解例子跟题目的关系，只是觉得“靠点边儿”就生拉硬拽在这里，还心虚的加上most convincing。

下面一段干巴巴的说“人们追求知识正是为了踏实”，却毫无佐证。不难理解，因为作者自己也不甚清楚知识怎样给人带来踏实感。

后面两段分别说社会的竞争压力和快速发展要求人们不得不学习知识。这就跟题目探讨的“多数人追求的其实是踏实不是知识”离得更远了。如果人们是被逼迫才不得不追求知识，不恰恰说明人们想要追求的不是知识吗？这里可见作者的逻辑是混乱的，不是分析问题，而是一味的罗列口号。

最后一段明显是我们国内学生喜欢的“假大空”的喊口号模式。整篇文章都没有说明知识跟踏实感到底有什么关系，一味的喊口号，谁会真心的响应？文章的说服力不是靠口号响亮来压人的，而是需要照顾到异议者的想法，并且分析不同观点，得出大家都能接受的结论。

综上所述，不研究题目，不思考问题，想仅仅背几个例子几个句型就写出好文章是行不通的。这篇文章很好的证明了，我们中国学生GRE写作得分普遍低不仅仅是英语语言的问题。这篇的语言可以说很不错了，但是仍然不会得到高分，因为很重要的一点是，GRE写作不是单纯的语言考试，美国人自己也在考GRE，他们的语言显然比我们熟练的多，但是不见得都能考满分，因为考察的关键不是在语言，而是在内容上。想要写好GRE作文，必须花更多的功夫去研究题目的内涵，思考和分析问题。

普渡哥

谢谢分享！！

竹林中人

谢谢LZ，果断围观啊！