【写作小分队】迟到的作文，希望可以帮忙看一下

蝴蝶渡海

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.

There is no doubt that the person who wants to become successful needs to pay more efforts. But there is a discussion about the factor which influences the achievement most . Finally, they are focus on this topic that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before. From my point of view, I think today it’s much easier to get success with the help from family indeed.

First of all, external factors have a vital influence on the success. Nowadays, the standard of the living has improved than previous. In the past, person did not get more useful help from the family. What family members could do is just limited in some areas, such as cooking, encouraging, daily life, and in the ancient times not every member had ability to give instructive suggestion. Because, knowledge of the popularity rate is not high, many people did have chance to learn knowledge in the school. For instance, in my childhood, I always head story from my grandfather, What storey he told to me were always about his childhood. In that time they just played games with other kids. The adult males worked outside in the day and females did not work. What is worse, women could not have the power to help their husband work. What they could do were limited in the housework. But now, everyone has the equal power to learn knowledge from collegue(college)and have the equal chance to get a ideal work. That family members care about each other's work and spire each other. So we can easily to conclude that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.

What is more, nowadays, people will carry on more stress than before. We have read many books mentioned that in the previous time, many officials choose to give up their career and hidden in the mountains. To be a recluse, they could have enough time to experience life and crate a lot of marvlous(marvelous) poetry. They could choose a another way to get success and did not need help from family. However, comtempoary(contemporary) people who want to get success can not choose the way like the people who lived in the ancient. They need to work hard and never give up. Thus, when they confront with some tough problem and need more help, the courage of family can give a powerful support.

In the sum, if we need to solve some problems that haunted in our hearts in a long time, we will be more need the help of family members. What keeps us going forward is the help of family members. So I intend to stand on this view that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.

最近学校有不少事。玩了好几天才交上啊

蝴蝶渡海

3月11日110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

As we all know that, a success man must have a great disposition. Sometimes it may be patient and sometimes it may be prompt or diligent. Nowadays, there is a discuss about when we want to achieve a goal whether we use a patience strategy or to action now as faster as we can. As far as I am concerned, I prefer to this topic that patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. Here are some my cogent reasons.
    
First of all, as a old saying goes, Lost time is never found again. Every person only has a limits time, thus time is precise for us. When we wait patiently, we have lost a lot of time. That is a huge cost for us. Sometimes we think it is more reliable to wait a chance, but in other words it proves that we do not have confidence to accomplish the task. For instance, a famous inventor must make vital decision at first time. If it delays or hesitates, it may lose the best opportunity to make money. Sometimes success or failure is just settled in a flash. Nevertheless, we can not take much time to wait.

What is more, when I an a child, my father always teaches me that never leave your unfinished work until tomorrow. You need to accomplish your task as fast as you can, Thus you could have enough time to make it perfect. I take this criterion all the time and it makes me more efficient. However take action without enough thinking may lead to a trap. Sometimes, I make mistakes due to the faster decision. Nevertheless, I think that more benefits than harms.

In sum, time is the most important thing that God give it to us as a gift, we can not lavish it. Sometimes taking action right now will make us more efficient. Thus I intend to stand on that view that we should take action now rather than later.

Herisson0509

紫色是我个人建议，红色是明显的小错误，蓝色是我修改所做的解释，橘黄色是亮点。

As we all know that, a success（successful） man must have a great disposition. Sometimes it may be patient and sometimes it may be prompt or diligent. Nowadays, there is a discuss（discussion）{词性错误} about when we want to achieve a goal whether we use a patience strategy or to action now as faster as we can.（whether when we want to achieve a goal with a patience strategy or action now as faster as we can）.As far as I am concerned, I prefer to this topic that patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. Here are some my cogent reasons.

First of all, as a(an) old saying goes, Lost（lost） time is never found again(lost time is gone forever). Every person only has a limits（limited）{因为limits是n 不能修饰time}time, thus time is precise for us. When we wait patiently, we have lost a lot of time. That is a huge cost for us（which causes a huge cost of us）.Sometimes we think it is more reliable to wait a chance, but in other words it proves that we do not have confidence to accomplish the task. For instance, a famous inventor must make vital decision at first time. If it delays or hesitates, it may lose the best opportunity to make money. Sometimes success or failure is just settled in a flash. Nevertheless(Therefore){nevertheless是然而的意思，表示转折，你原本的意思要表达承接所以我觉得用therefore好些}, we can not take much time to wait.

What is more, when I an(was) {这里过去式比较恰当}a child, my father always teaches（taught）me that never leave your unfinished work until tomorrow. You need(needed) to accomplish your task as fast as you can, (thus)Thus you could have enough time to make it perfect. I take this criterion all the time and it makes me more efficient. However take action without enough thinking may lead to a trap. Sometimes, I make mistakes due to the faster decision. Nevertheless, I think that（it）more benefits than harms.

In sum, time is the most important thing that God give it to us as a gift, we can not lavish it. Sometimes taking action right now will make us more efficient. Thus I intend to stand on that view that we should take action now rather than later.



我大致看了你的第一篇文章，这篇较那篇比起来有进步很大，思路的清晰度还是有的，理由还算充分，连贯性还不错。有些细节性的小错误要改掉哦，错的太多会影响你的成绩的。不足之处是，重复词汇以及意思过于频繁，加大词汇量吧。整篇下来都是简单的句子，没有看到很经典的或者是长难句。看一些范文吧，下次你可以自己试着加些从句在里面。这篇文章拿不了很高的分，是很普普通通的作品。继续加油吧。You can be the best.（其实我自己写的也一塌糊涂，尽管挑毛病吧，全盘皆收）希望我们都可以进步更快！

晨依Jacqueline

对不起蝴蝶……来晚啦
There is no doubt that the（a比较好） person who wants to become successful needs to pay more efforts. But there is a discussion about the factor which influences the achievement most . Finally, they are focus on this(the比较好) topic that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before. From my point of view, I think today it’s much easier to get success with the help from family indeed.(这一句感觉有点重复，首先from my point of view和I think就重了，然后观点的表述可以直接说支持或反对，不用重复表述)

First of all, external factors have a vital influence on the success. Nowadays, the standard of the living（living standard） has improved than previous (previous time). In the past,(a )person did not get more useful help from the family. What family members could do is just limited in some areas, such as cooking, encouraging, daily life, and in the ancient times not every member had ability to give instructive suggestions. Because, (可以直接放在开头吗？)knowledge of the popularity rate is not high, many people did have chance to learn knowledge in the school. For instance, in my childhood, I always head（hear）story from my grandfather, What storey（the story）he told to me were（was） always about his childhood. In that time they（grandfather应该是he） just played games with other kids. The adult males（哪有这样说的、）worked outside in the day and females did not work. What is worse, women could not have the power to help their husband work. What they could do were limited in the housework. But now, everyone has the equal power to learn knowledge from collegue(college)and have（has）the equal chance to get a(an)ideal work. That family members care about each other's work and spire each other. So we can easily to conclude that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.(感觉例子可以再精简一下)

What is more, nowadays, people will carry on more stress than before（主题句可以接一下因此更需要家庭的帮助呀）. We have read many books mentioned that in the previous time, many officials choose（注意时态） to give up their career and hidden in the mountains（隐居山林这样写感觉不是很好，查了一个liveinseclusion）. To be a recluse, they（注意人称代词） could have enough time to experience life and crate（create） a lot of marvlous(marvelous) poetry.（单复数） They could choose a another way to get success and did not need help from family. However, comtempoary(contemporary) people who want to get success can not choose the way like the people who lived in the ancient（in ancient time）. They need to work hard and never give up. Thus, when they confront with some tough problems and need more help, the courage of family can give a powerful support.

In the sum, if we need to solve some problems that haunted in our hearts in（for） a long time, we will be more need the help（need more help）of family members. What keeps us going forward is the help of family members. So I intend to stand on this view that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.




我觉得思路没有什么问题，感觉论证的第二段和主题句关系不是特别密切。。。主要是小细节的错误多了点，蝴蝶要多注意别因为这些小地方扣分了~加油啦啦啦~~~~~

蝴蝶渡海

There is no doubt that a person who wants to become successful needs to pay more efforts. But there is a discussion about the factor which influences the achievement most . Finally, they focus on the topic that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before. From my point of view, today it’s much easier to get success with the help from family indeed
First of all, external factors have a vital influence on success. Nowadays, the living standard has improved than previous time. In the past a person did not get more useful help from the family. What family members could do is just limited in some areas, such as cooking, encouraging, daily life, and in the ancient times not every member had ability to give instructive suggestions. Because, knowledge of the popularity rate is not high, many people did have chance to learn knowledge in the school. For instance, in my childhood, I always hear story from my grandfather, What the story he told me was always about his childhood. In that time they just played games with other kids. The adult males worked outside in the day and females did not work. What is worse, women could not have the power to help their husband work. What they could do were limited in the housework. But now, everyone has the equal power to learn knowledge from college and has equal chance to get an ideal work. That family members care about each other's work and spire each other. So we can easily to conclude that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.
What is more, nowadays, people carry on more stress than before. We have read many books mentioned that in the previous time, many officials choose to give up their career and live in seclusion. To be a recluse, they could have enough time to experience life and crate a lot of marvelous poetry. They could choose a another way to get success and did not need help from family. However, contempoary people who want to get success can not choose the way like the people who lived in ancient time. They need to work hard and never give up. Thus, when they confront some tough problems and need more help, the courage of family can give a powerful support.

In sum, if we need to solve some problems that haunted in our hearts for a long time, we will need more help of family members. What keeps us going forward is the help of family members. So I intend to stand on this view that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.

蝴蝶渡海

上篇为3.6改正

晨依Jacqueline

上篇为3.6改正

-- by 会员 蝴蝶渡海 (2012/3/19 22:42:11)

善于总结和改错的好孩纸~

蝴蝶渡海

5月16日11.2.26 ML Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people have no influence on the decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole.

In everyone’s deep mind, there is a hero that changed our life and our world. Nowadays, there is a discussion about this topic that young or old changes our future. Some people advocate that young people have no influence on the decisions that settled our future society, while others suggest that young always have cogent influence on our future society. I prefer to this opinion that young is the key factor that determine the future of the society.

First of all, young have more new idea than the old people to make a decision. Nowadays, the one who can determine the future of the society must have its own remarkable new idea or invention. People couldn’t acknowledge the one who just have absurd theory. For example, one of the founder of the apple company Steve jobs, when he was 30, he designs a lot of advanced computers. After that, he decided to develop the iphone. And now, the apple-series are attracting every young adult. Naturally, he has the powerful influence on the future of the society. On the contrary, someone who always propagates the idea that the end of the world becomes a joke. Most of the people didn’t focus on this, and we didn’t think he will be a hero and determine the future of the society.

What is more, young adult has much more energy than old. When people get older, they didn’t have passion and motivation to go-ahead. For instance, my uncle is a medical scientists and as a medical scientist he need to observe the virus in their laboratory for a long time. Once there was a serious flu,he said that their group decide to study this kind of disease. He and other scientists watched a virus for 24 hours, but there weren’t any achievements. When the study last for 40 hours, one of the young scientist said that he watch the propagation of virus. At last they made a new kind of medical to cure the patients.

In conclusion, young people is a key factor that can determine the future of the society. And they can make a good decision to change our world. Nevertheless, some will say that young may be less experience than old, but I think that the one who will change our world is not settled by the experience. We can not denied that the future of the society is belong to the young.

好久不写了。。这次这篇竟然用了1个小时。。。再重新慢慢来吧。。。希望被狠批。。。多提点意见

sang824

5月16日11.2.26 ML Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people have no influence on the decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole.

In everyone’s deep mind, there is a hero that changed our life and our world. Nowadays, there is a discussion about this topic that young or old changes our future(少用there be的句型啦). Some people advocate that young people have no influence on the decisions that settled our future society, while others suggest that young always have cogent influence on our future society. I prefer to this opinion that young is the key factor that determine the future of the society.

First of all, young have more new ideas than the old people to make a decision(感觉这里不定式不恰当，when making decision?). Nowadays, the one who can determine the future of the society must have its own remarkable new idea or invention. People couldn’t acknowledge the one who just have absurd theory(这句话没看懂..). For example, one of the founder of the apple company Steve jobs, when he was 30, he designs designed a lot of advanced computers. After that, he decided to develop the iphone. And now, the apple-series are attracting every young adult. Naturally, he has the powerful influence on the future of the society. On the contrary, someone who always propagates the idea that the end of the world becomes a joke(这句话是想表达什么意思吖？). Most of the people didn’t focus on this(on what?), and we didn’t think he will be a hero and determine the future of the society.

What is more, young adult has much more energy than old. When people get older, they didn’t have passion and motivation to go-ahead. For instance, my uncle is a medical scientists and as a medical scientist he need to observe the virus in their laboratory for a long time. Once there was a serious flu,he said that their group decide to study this kind of disease(略显啰嗦，不如直接One their group need to study a kind of desease). He and other scientists watched a virus for 24 hours, but there weren’t any achievements. When the study lasts for 40 hours, one of the young scientist said that he watch the propagation of virus. At last they made a new kind of medical to cure the patients.

In conclusion, young people is a key factor that can determine the future of the society. And they can make a good decision to change our world. Nevertheless, some will say that young may be less experience than oldbut I think that the one who will change our world is not settled by the experience. (结尾就陈述自己观点好了..关于这个观点建议再起一段让步，作为第四段陈述虽然年轻人经验不如成年人丰富，但是blabla..), We can not denied deny that the future of the society is belong to the young.

建议LZ多运用长短句，寻找代替there be的表达方式（这篇文章有四五处呢..）
结构呢就是建议五段八股，第四段可以写让步
有例子很好，但感觉可以再斟酌一下哦，加油~

蝴蝶渡海

5月29日 2011.1.15 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.



There is no doubt that university professor’s main role is to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion.



First and the foremost, professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learning process, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but let us has a good attitude of life. For instance, one of my university professors impressed me very much and made me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor to compete with others and feel nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even did not know what to do to adjust my heart. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. At last, he said that a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never gave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As a consequence, I got a ideal result and become more confident than before. A good professor can change your life attitude.



What is more, a good professor can bring us more knowledge than what we major in.

As an illustration, everyone has its own major, but when we take our major class, professor always adds up other knowledge to help us to understand. Thus, professors need to focus on the educating.



Admittedly, obviously, it is important that the professor has its own study and needs to do some research and experiment to write new idea and create advanced invention. But the most essential duty of the teacher and professor is teaching and educating.



In a nut shell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.