【写作小分队】boboo弱弱的作文帖，大家多多拍砖哈O(∩_∩)O

jiaosisisisi

225 我帮助 bobbo 改综合



The lecture mainly talks about the predators’ theory to explain the otters' （如果可以在阅读时候，把文中反复出现的主人公式的单词写出来写完整会比较好吧， 文中说的是sea otters）decline. （这里有一个转折性的连接词会好些）The reading passage is somewhat groundless, questionable and having some shortcomings when compared to the lecture in three aspects.

To begin with, the listening material holds （hold the view 或者hold the idea会比较好，类似模板随便记忆一个就ok ）that we can easily see （如果是同位语，view 或者 idea的话，去掉we caneasily see 会不会好些）many otters are dead because of its（这个its指代不明，建议）predators, whereas we haven't find that one otter have been killed with the pollution reason. This （this 貌似不能用来直接作主语）directly opposed what the reading material say. （有个链接词汇好很多）In the reading material, the cause of otters' death is the pollution.

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that the whole ecosystem are affected by the pollution, the lecture reckons owing to the people's killing of whales, the population of the whales are decrease.（be动词应该加动词的分词形式） Then the orcas have（单数+谓语动词单三） to change their diet to eat other small animals. This leads to （lead to 中to 是介词）affect the whole ecosystem.

Last but not the least(固定搭配是last but not least),the professor states that the predators' theory also explains the uneven pattern of otters’ decline better. Since the orcas cannot get access to the shallow water, the number of otters which live there is not decline. The shallow water mainly is near the coast. The author does not solve this problem very well. He or she （用the passage比用这个复杂的好些）just suggests that maybe some reason （复数比较好）create such uneven pattern. This is last place where the lecture contradicts the passage.



总结：本文结构比较完整，基本入了大趋势！而且作者的原创性比较强！。。。。。。很多句型都是自己现场想出来的，我感觉是  



建议：我觉得你应该多研究一些固定的表达观点的常用搭配，比如he lecture points out that the explanation in the reading material is /The lecture points out that the explanation in the reading material is /The professor actually contradicts the statements made in the passage 等等 ，这样的话，可能现场用的时间会更少些，

可以节约很多宝贵的时间！ 加油，祝成功！

boboo

3-1  综合


The lecture mainly talks about the reasons why the measures to prevent the expanding of the cane toad in Australia provided by the reading cannot be successful. The lecture refutes the article involving three aspects.

To begin with, the reading material reckons that the national fence could be an effective way to stop the canes to spread, since the using fence was successful with the rabbits in the early time. However, the listening material points out that the young canes and the eggs can be carried to another area through the waterway, such as stream and river. The listening directly refutes the reading.

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that a massive number volunteers can be used to catch and destroy the toads, the listening reckons that the untrained volunteers are not able to successfully differentiate the species, thus some other endangered local animals maybe caught by them.

Last but not least, the professor states that the virus maybe greatly affect America. These animals are easily transported to another place. When the toads which carry the virus reached America, there is no doubt a disaster would come. Since the toads play an important role in the whole ecosystem in America, the ecosystem will suffer a lot. This is the final part where the lecture contradicts the article.

boboo

3-1  独立


Have you ever used the Internet to search something you do not know? Have you ever taken into a modern class? Have you ever gone to the library and read books there? If you do not have such experience, you would never know how easier people to become educated now. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that people are easier to become educated than in the past. The reason to this opinion involves many aspects.

To begin with, in the modern society, more people can get access to the school education. Our country pays more attention to the education and thus gives more funding support to education. A massive number of new universities and schools have built up. The country also set a series of policies to ensure every child has the chance to go to school. No matter what the reason is, it is illegal if you do not let your child go to school. But some time earlier, because the lack of money, some children cannot have the opportunity to get education.

On the other hand, people can get access to the huge amount of information. With all these information, people can be easier educated. In the past, there are just the paper books. However, nowadays, too many electrical books can we read. For instance, Rose, my neighbor, just bought a computer last year. She is fond of reading book very much and she told me she had read almost 30 books a year without paying to buy one. But if it were not the genius invention, the computer, things would be different. Thus nowadays people can be easier to become educated.

Last but not least, we can easily find what we want to know now. With the Internet and the computer, we can just type the word into the screen and click the mouse, and then we are able to see the knowledge. But in the past, there is no doubt that it is much harder to find what you want to know. You could only look into these books or ask someone else, which would definitely cost you a lot of time and effort. Maybe even you could not find at last.

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. I think we should appreciate the chance to study harder now and make contribution to the world in the future.

晨依Jacqueline

红色为错误，蓝色为疑惑or建议，高亮为特别精彩！
Have you ever used the Internet to search something you do not know? Have you ever taken into(上课可以说have classes、take lessons，take into是考虑的意思) a modern class? Have you ever gone to the library and read books there? If you do not have such experience, you would never know how easier people to become educated now. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that people are easier to become educated than in the past. The reason to this opinion involves many aspects.

To begin with, in the modern society, more people can get access to the school education. Our country pays more attention to the(可以去掉) education and thus gives more funding support(资金支持可以用financial support) to education. A massive number of new universities and schools have (been)built up. The country also set a series of policies to ensure every child has the chance to go to school. No matter what the reason is, it is illegal if you do not let your child go to school.(我觉得这个句子和前面再意思上连得不是太好，看看怎么修改一下) But some time earlier, because the lack of money(because lack money或because of the lack of money), some children cannot(时态) have the opportunity to get education(receive education或get an education比较好).

On the other hand, people can get access to the(可以去掉) huge amount of information. With all these information, people can be easier educated. In the past, there are(时态，亲~) just the(可以去掉) paper books. However, nowadays, too many electrical(electronic,这个地方我自己好像也写错了) books can we read. (晨依语法比较薄弱，我猜这个是个倒装句，可是读起来有点怪怪的……too many electronic books can be read to make ourselves better educated. 这样写有木有好一点？)For instance, Rose, my neighbor, just bought a computer last year. She is fond of reading book very much and she told me she had read almost 30 books a year without paying to buy one. But if it were not the genius invention, the computer, things would be different. (这个地方汉语意思我明白，但是我觉得前半句if it were not这里是不是不大对啊？我改了半天也没想好怎么能既写出否定有写成强调句还写出虚拟的感觉，所以就改成Without the great invention, computers, things wouldn't be made different.了，如果boboo有好的改法咱们再交流~)Thus nowadays people can be easier to become educated.

Last but not least, we can easily find what we want to know now. With the Internet and the computer(这里不建议用特指), we can just type the words into the screen and click the mouse, and then we are able to see the knowledge.(我觉得boboo的例子用的不错，就是表达有点chinglish了。我改了一点你看看we are able to see knowledge displayed on the screen only after typing the words we don't know and clicking the mouse)But in the past, there is no doubt that it is much harder to find what you want to know.(注意时态哦！)You could only look (look up the new words in books)into these books or ask someone else(for help), which would definitely cost you a lot of time and effort(费时费力可以说waste time and energy). (,)Maybe even you could not find (what it mean) at last.

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. I think we should appreciate the chance to study harder now and make contribution to the world in the future.
点评：我前几天刚在什么地方看见过说写作文的时候可以用一连串的问句来引出主题，感觉boboo这个地方用的非常好！我特别喜欢这个开头~文中有几处语法我不是很确定，建议你再咨询一下（晨依的四级水平实在是应付不了……），总之，观点明确，结构清晰，一些表达还有待进一步润饰，然后注意下时态和冠词的几个小细节就OK啦~加油！↖(^ω^)↗

noarkid

The lecture mainly talks about the reasons why the measures to prevent the expanding of the cane toad in Australia provided by the reading cannot be successful. The lecture refutes the article involving three aspects.

To begin with, the reading material reckons that the national fence could be an effective way to stop the canes to spread, since the using fence was successful with the rabbits in the early time. However, the listening material points out that the young canes and the eggs can be carried to another area through the waterway, such as stream and river. The listening directly refutes the reading. (可能可以换一个表达了)

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that a massive number volunteers can be used to catch and destroy the toads, the listening reckons that the untrained volunteers are not able to successfully differentiate the species, thus some other endangered local animals maybe caught by them.

Last but not least, the professor states that the virus maybe greatly affect America. These animals are easily transported to another place. When the toads which carry the virus reached America, there is no doubt a disaster would come. （感觉文章里边似乎是说通过别的动物作为载体传播到美洲）Since the toads play an important role in the whole ecosystem in America, the ecosystem will suffer a lot. This is the final part where the lecture contradicts the article.