这是我第二篇习作，请大家狠批，我脸皮已经不薄了！

landscape1987

Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.



    Personally I agree with the standpoint that the remaining wilderness areas in the natural state need to be preserved with the protection of some laws in nations,,even though the economic development is important but I think people need the original wilderness area to live a peaceful and happy life.



          Since the industrial revolution the development especially in the cities has been faster and faster , the area is becoming larger and larger. Many high buildings are built the localities which were the natural ares before. Long streets and railways cover which are like the dragons lied in the surface.  eople are working and living these modern environment, enjoy the convenient and scientific ways of living. But they are really far from the nature now that the humankind lived before. Though convenient ways of living are effective and fast but people should know the essential of life that we can use the modern facilities and instruments to make money and the entertainments but humankind also is animal so we do not ignore the existence of the nature.



     Nature is the original state of the planet, it is the environment where it brought up the lives and it make lives happy so we should preserve the original remaining wilderness areas.



     When the New york city was built, the constructors realized that modern city also needed the nature area, so they preserved a large natural area as the center park in the New york city. Many critical business men in that time objected that plan because they believed that New york was the business center, the area should be used as more as possible to make the profits, in their eyes the land in New york was the golden and diamonds and it must be a tremendous waste to preserve so large wilderness area. But hundreds years later it is turn out to be a smart decision because with the modern industry develops fast, most cities are filled with tremendous number of steel and concrete buildings and streets. The only dynamic objects are those autocars, ships and people, little green nature area exists. But the new york, it is developed and the most surprising thing is that there is so beautiful natural park in the center of the city, although there are so many lifeless building that made of concrete and steel, the natural wilderness area is like a big diamond blazing the city. The New york is developed but natural, it combines the modern industry and nature. I think it's absolutely a fantastic place to work and living.







  Consequently, due to the natural wilderness area people can live and work happily because the humankind was created in the nature, nature is the mother of all the humans so it should be preserved by the laws we made in order to make a harmonious world.

竹林中人

Though convenient ways of living are effective and fast but people should know the essential of life that we can use the modern facilities and instruments to make money and the entertainments but humankind also is animal so we do not ignore the existence of the nature.
???这个so前后感觉没必然关系吧。理由不充分。
感觉这篇作文有以下几个问题可以改进。1.手段需要有背景介绍，有你对题目的简短认识（题目的复杂度）以及个人的立场和观点。提纲挈领，让人知道你接下来要说什么。2.中间论证段落，也需要观点明确，论证充分有力，不要自己理所当然的认为或者很多太过抽象的表述，就像上面的这句。3.你的语言表达能力的确有待继续提高。
建议你能把自己第一篇习作修改后传上来，看你修改的怎么样。

landscape1987

好的，谢谢boss，我去改改

lukebrehm

Don't come to to many conclusions about New York until you've been there....

lukebrehm

Since the industrial revolution the development especially in the cities has been faster and faster , the area is becoming larger and larger. Many high buildings are built the localities which were the natural ares before. Long streets and railways cover which are like the dragons lied in the surface.  eople are working and living these modern environment, enjoy the convenient and scientific ways of living. But they are really far from the nature now that the humankind lived before. Though convenient ways of living are effective and fast but people should know the essential of life that we can use the modern facilities and instruments to make money and the entertainments but humankind also is animal so we do not ignore the existence of the nature.

VS

Since the industrial revolution, development especially in cities has been faster and faster and the area has been rapidly expanding. Many high buildings are being built in the locations which were natural areas before. Long streets and railways cover the land which are like dragons lying on the surface.  eople are working and living in this modern environment, enjoying the convenient and scientific ways of living. But they are far from the nature where humankind lived before. Though convenient ways of living are effective and fast, people should know the essentials of life. We can use the modern facilities and instruments to make money and acquire entertainment but humankind is also of animals so we should not ignore the existence of nature.

Sometimes its hard for me not to change your original meaning.... So sorry if I did that on accident.

I can't say that I agree with the last sentence so it was a little hard for me to fix.

Hope this is helpful!

landscape1987

谢谢版主

lukebrehm

my pleasure