【逵逵写作文4.0】

likui

疏于练习大家看着改改吧～

谢谢。

Topic：Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Although some people say that computers make life more confused and stressful, I think the invention of the computer is truly one of the most meaningful creations in the 20 century. The more we apply it to our life and work, the more we benefit from it. Thus, I make a positive comment on the computer and the reasons are given below.

First and foremost, the using of the computer has changed the scale and quality of production. The computer has an amazing capability of calculating. It helps people analyze and forecast accurately in various research fields. I cannot image people can fulfill the lunar landing plan without computers. I also believe Newton would have made a greater contribution if the computer had existed before. Additionally, thanks to the feature of needing less rest, computers can work day in and day out without any complaints. They liberate the labor forces and make the cost of products decreased. Nowadays we can see the application of computer everywhere. Students study how to use computer. More and more employees want to enter the information industry.

Second, not only for production, but computers are used for entertainment. People having a computer can spend their leisure time enjoying music, watching movies and surfing the Net. Here I must mention the magical Internet. Even though it has developed for a couple of years，it becomes the primary thing now and changes the style of our life. To hand up papers in time, I use the word processor and get enormous information through the Internet. And wherever our relatives，friends or clients are, using computer and satellites makes it possible to see them and hear their voice at the same time.  But there must be a good tool called computer first.

Admittedly, with all of these advantages, computers may make problems. People may waste much time setting in front of computer and check the mouse again and again but make no sense. However, these problems occur because some people do not know how to operate the computer. For instance, my parents always complaint that the software is unreadable and long time operating makes them dazzling.

In sum, to my opinion, the computers make life easier and more convenient. Computers really improve the social development and make life more colorful. And to a great extent, the modern society is established on the basis of computers. We cannot leave computers the same as electricity.

snow_mountain

8错. 好多了.

We cannot leave computers the same as electricity.

这句话什么意思?

Second, not only for production, but computers are used for entertainment.  这句不通.

computers are used not only in production but also in entertainment.

likui

还是bryony够意思～谢谢，谢谢！

大家多多给点建议～

cocolly

起码可以得5分吧！

给我们这些想得4分的同志一点空间好不？

pengstone

进步好快，我试着提点修改意见。

pengstone

以下是引用likui在2004-8-5 18:55:00的发言：

疏于练习大家看着改改吧～

谢谢。

Although some people say that computers make life more confused and stressful, I think the invention of the computer is truly one of the most meaningful creations（用inventions可能更合适些） in the 20 century. The more we apply it to our life and work, the more we benefit from it. Thus, I make a positive comment on the computer and the reasons are given below.

First and foremost, the using of the computer has changed the scale and quality of production. （has broadened the scale and upgraded the  quality of production）The computer has an amazing capability of calculating. It helps people analyze and forecast accurately in various research fields. (By virtue of its amazing ..., it helps...) I cannot image people can fulfill the lunar landing plan(dream) without computers. I also believe Newton would have made a greater contribution if the computer had existed before(was available in his time). Additionally, thanks to the feature of needing less rest, computers can work day in and day out without any complaints. They liberate the labor forces and make the cost of products decreased. Nowadays we can see the application of computer everywhere. Students study how to use computer. More and more employees want to enter the information industry.(这几句感觉和主题句对不上)

Second, not only for production, but computers are used for entertainment.（有问题，参考bryony的改法） People having a computer can spend their leisure time enjoying music, watching movies and surfing the Net. Here I must mention the magical Internet. Even though it has developed (Having been developed)for a couple of years，it becomes the primary thing now and changes the style of our life. To hand up papers in time, I use the word processor and get enormous information through the Internet. And wherever our relatives，friends or clients are, using computer and satellites makes it possible to see them and hear their voice at the same time.  But there must be a good tool called computer first(多余了吧).

Admittedly, with all （despite）of these advantages, computers may make (cause)problems. People may waste much time setting in front of computer and check the mouse (什么意思？)again and again but make no sense. However, these problems occur because some people do not know how to operate the computer. For instance, my parents always complaint that the software is unreadable and long time operating makes them dazzling.（这段表达的意思不够有说服力，可以谈谈电脑对健康的影响，对青少年的影响等）

In sum, to my opinion, the computers make life easier and more convenient. Computers really improve （也可用accelerate）the social development and make life more colorful. And to a great extent, the modern society is established on the basis of computers. We cannot leave computers the same as electricity(we can not live without computers the same as we cannot suivive without eleciricity).

likui

谢谢大家，谢谢pengstone的修改～

刷牙的时候都想得5分来着，可惜没有水平，只是有时间熬出来的，旁边还有电子字典，没什么实力可言的～

marshial

写得不错，学习学习！

改得更好，提高提高！！

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-8-6 19:51:04编辑过]

likui

marshial帮忙去【逵逵写作文5.0】看看，给点意见～

marshial

遵命，不过，容我多化点时间思考思考大作的思路！