第一次写综合写作~！会不会被判雷同啊！！请NN指教！！球拍砖啊！！！会不会被判雷同啊！！

cgzjessieli

因为是模仿OG上的范文写的，所以不知道会不会被判抄袭？？？！！！急急急！！ 恩，这篇写的是TPO17


The lecture talks about the influence of the growing population and the increase in agriculture and pesticide use on bird population. In fact, the theory in stated in the passage is very different and somewhat inadequate when compared to what happened for real. The professor gives the following reasons to illustrate her point.

In the first place, the expansion of urban area does not cause uniform decline in all kinds of birds. That is, even though the development of urban area may jeopardize the natural habitat of some birds, more often it provides better and larger habitat for most other kinds of birds such as pigeons, sea eagles and falcons, thus leading to the increasing number of birds. In other words, the size of the bird population doesn't seem to keep decreasing. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

In addition, there is a clear decline in the use of land for agriculture in the country. The passage says that more and more wilderness areas will be used for agricultural activities in order to provide enough food for the growing human population. However, the professor holds the perspective that the increase in production is and will be resulted from the introduction of new varieties of highly productive crops and there is no need to take up more lands. Therefore, this is another part where experience contradicts theory.

Furthermore, since people have gradually realized the consequences of using traditional pesticides, there are other ways to get rid of insects without causing any damage to birds. There is a growing trend to use the new much less toxic pesticides or develop more pest-resistant crops. These specially designed crops will decrease the use of toxic traditional pesticides and are not destructive to birds. In other words, birds will not be killed or harm by using the two methods mentioned above.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture apparently refutes what is presented in the passage.

cgzjessieli

顶

cgzjessieli

求拍砖啊

cgzjessieli

顶！！

cgzjessieli

顶！！

cgzjessieli

顶！！

BBOY年糕

你一共写了323个单词。。。我觉得可以压缩一下。。。
总体来说挺不错的，句子结构比较丰富，但是有几个地方比如In other words……你有必要用两次么，还有你不用那么啰嗦的老师把每个观点都说contradict什么什么，你开头和结尾说了之后，中间段就不要说了，读者看得懂的。。。然后内容没什么问题，文章结构也很清晰。。。我个人认为最大的毛病就是啰嗦，几乎每段最后都要重申下听力材料与阅读材料不同，没有必要；还有就是太模板化，这是综合作文你只要把内容说清楚就行了，没必要因为把过多的篇幅放在框架式结构上。。。
建议你把中间三段合并成一段，把这三段一些重复或者啰嗦的地方顶多写一遍就够了，陈述内容的过程中也最好简化下，尽量把整体篇幅压缩到不要超过250个单词。。。

cgzjessieli

谢谢，楼上！！！

cgzjessieli

牛牛拍砖啊！！！