离考试还有20多天，第一次写Argument， 求狠批~

shinell2009

题目： The following appeared in a memorandum from the Director of Human Resources to the executive officers of Company X.
       "Last year, we surveyed our employees on improvements needed at Company X by having them rank  in order of importance, the issues presented in a list of possible improvements. "Improved communications between employees and management "was consistently ranked as the issue of highest importance by the employees who responded to the survey. As you know, we have since instituted regular communications sessions conducted by high-level management, which  the employees can attend on a voluntary basis. Therefore, it is likely that most employees at Company X  now feel that the improvement most needed at the company has been made.


我的作文
  The Director of Human Resources to the executive officers of Company X concludes that Improved communication between employees and management has been the most improvement needed in company because of a survey among the employees. Then, the company deems that the problem has been solved because instituted regular communications sessions conducted by high-level management. However, for couple reasons, this argument is not very convincing.
 
   To begin with, the author fails to provide more specific evidences to justify the survey. We are not informed the total number of the employees taking a part in the survey. For example, if the company has 2000 employees and 1500 employees had a hand in this action, the statistics cited in the argument provide a support to the conclusion. Otherwise, if the company employs 20000 workers, but only 1500 took part in, the conclusion is much weaker. What’s more, although the respondents occupy the large percentage of the employees, the views still are not representative the employees in general, for the argument cannot address the identities of the respondents and it is doubtful whether the views of those people can represent all the employees .
 
   Secondly, the argument makes a hasty generalization about the survey. On one hand, the survey methodology might be problematic. The memorandum indicates that the respondents are required to choose the choice between the issues presented in a list of possible improvement. Yet, some other improvements the employees prefer are not offered in the list. So, the result might distort the respondents’ opinions. On the other hand, the employees responding to the survey may be the people who want to communicate with the managements. Therefore, it is unfair to assume that Improved communication between employees and management is the most improvement needed at Company X.
 
  Finally, the argument assert that the employees now feel that the improvement most needed at the company has been made due to the regular communication sessions conducted by high-level management. Nevertheless, it is unwarranted since the argument lacks sufficient evidences to demonstrate the result of the sessions. Perhaps, few employees attend the sessions, although the corporation take actions.
 
   In a sum, the argument is weak as it stands. To strengthen it, the author would have to show more information about the survey, for instance, the number and the identity of the respondents, the correct methodology of the survey and so on. Additionally, the argument should offer the feedback of the communication secessions to prove the effectiveness of it.

liusu12332

看过了，觉得很不错。论据充分~

shinell2009

谢谢啦~信心大增~继续努力~

dhqhtn

我也觉得灰常好

joelee1991

同楼主，还有22天~