写了一篇Argument，大家给点意见！

monkeyjojo

2.The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company.
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.


In the argument, the author attempts to appraise a more profitable operation pattern by cutting down all the field offices and forming a single center to deal with all of the issues. The reasons supported this conclusion seems to be reasonable at the first glance; however, the further consideration conceals the flaws in the rationale to undermine the conclusion.


The most apparent flaw places in the way, according to the argument, to cut down the cost by closing the fields offices. Admittedly, in the common sense, the less offices, the less operation cost requested in the function process, such as rent, expenses for electricity and water and salary paid to the cleaners and guarders. Nevertheless, the argument falls to take the potential management cost into account, which must be increased sharply with the expansion of company. For example, it has to take more time and procedure to transmit information between service areas and operation center, so the feedback duration between both sides must be lengthened.


In addition, the company should not ignore the function of field offices: they are always regarded as the directed window between customers and the company. In other words, with the effects of field offices, consumers are more likely to choose its products because they believe that if there are something wrong with the products, it is easier and more convenient to solve their problem. As a result, by providing field services, the company can attract more customers and increase its revenue.


Another suspicious point have to be pointed out is whether the single location can maintain better supervision of all employees. Obviously, according to the common sense and personal experience, the answer is NO. The increasing size of the corporation inevitably intensifies the complexity of inner management within the corporation: more ranks and vocational degrees decrease the accuracy of information transmission and the efficiency of systematic controlling, seriously influencing the effectiveness of supervision. Moreover, the stiff and inflexible rules that may not adapt to the diverse requirements in different regions will also function just opposite to what the author wishes.


In sum, the method recommended in the argument are more likely to cause the alternative consequences which will adversely impact on the corporation's operation. In order to enhance its profits feasibly and efficiently, the executors have to solve the dilemma between the minimized cost and the maximized revenue.

annyhelijun

两点建议，不一定对，根据做GMAT语法来看，有不少语法错误，建议审核！其二，内容有点没表达到点上，看完有点雾水，好像有点蜻蜓点水，应该再说点什么，建议使用比较针对性的词语。