第一篇习作，花了一个小时，请大家指导!

tigerkin2008

topic: Why people choose  to study abroad?


Studying abroad is a hot topic in recent years. The ideas about this issue may vary significantly from person to person. Some people support going abroad for better education, and some others may argue with it. But I would have to say, if I were faced the choices: studying aboard or at homeland, I would probably choose the former. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and give some evidence to explain why I like studying abroad.



The most important reason I want to get start is for better education. We have to admit that, though it is a cruel fact, the quality of education in china, especially in universities, averagely lower than that in most developed countries. And the resources of education are limited as well. Take higher education for example, china has thousands of universities, but compared with hundreds of thousands of students who are desiring for higher education, the educational institutions are still much less. For those two reasons, many parents have sent their children abroad for better education, even since the children were in high school.



Exchange or communication is another crucial factor I’d like to put forward. With the vast spread of Internet, people in every corner of the world can easily contact with each other. But the screen talk would never act the same effect as talking face to face. Going abroad for study, provides a great opportunity for students from all over world to communicate with each other, to know each other and to understand each other. I believe that the more the exchange between different people from different place, different culture, different religion is, the more chances of a peaceful would be.



Besides the two main reasons discussed above, I still have many other reason to list on, such as acquire advanced knowledge, getting a better job and so on. However, there are also some drawbacks of going abroad, for instance, getting far away from home and parents, encountering some cultural conflicts, and so forth. Nevertheless, the advantages of going abroad for study carry more weight than that of its disadvantages. So does my choice of studying abroad make sense?(360字)

淡水河边

With the more and more attention attached to the education status these years, studying abroad becomes a hot and controversial topic that has various significance from person to person. Some people support the idea of going abroad for better education while others think differently. However, compared with studying domestically, I prefer to studying abroad. (1开头如果有大环境过渡的话，引出话题会自然一些。2and 用来连接并没有很好的表达出不同观点的对立关系，用while会好一些，表示观点的对立)

The first and most important reason I’d like to cite is that studying abroad gives us a chance for better education. Apparently, the quality of education in some developed regions like Europe and United States surpasses the ones in the developing countries including China. Take college education for example. With hundreds of thousands of students desiring for higher education, the current educational institutions in China cannot meet their needs with the limited teaching facilities and human resources. Meanwhile, United States is famous for its leading teaching techniques as well as the abundant renowned professors, making it a perfect place for students to receive more comprehensive knowledge.(这里我觉得逻辑衔接上有点问题，所以改动不较大，你自己再斟酌一下怎么写。)

Another crucial factor that cannot be ignored is that students have chances for direct cultural communication and exchange when they are studying and living in a foreign culture, helping broaden their horizon as well as providing deeper perspectives about the world. Although the vast spread of Internet technology guarantees people in every corner of the world to contact with each other easily, it cannot compared to the feeling of talking face to face with eye contact and facial expressions. Besides, studying abroad provides a great opportunity for students from all over the world to communicate with each other, to know each other and to understand each other. The more the exchange between people from different place, different culture, different religion is, the more mature students would become.(说对学生的好处就不要讲world，如果要讲world，就要分下一个点)


Obviously, there are more than tow benefits of studying abroad. The acquisition of advanced knowledge and the chance for a better job are reasons why students choose to go overseas. However, there are some drawbacks of going abroad, for instance, getting far away from home and parents, encountering some cultural conflicts.(这段我觉得你是想转折，但是既然转折就不要讲优点了，可以把缺点展开讲。)

Nevertheless, the advantages of going abroad for study outweigh its disadvantages. Hence，students can choose to study abroad. (改到这里我有点confused，题目如果是问why的话，把理由讲好就行了，但是你这边是一个讲选择的结尾，不知道题目具体是什么，你再check一下？)

淡水河边

我觉得你整体架构还不错，就是在细节上要注意，还有就是一开始练得时候最好自己写完自己读几遍，看看逻辑上，语法上有没有不通的地方，这样下次写的时候就会注意了。

这个是我考托福练作文的经验，你看看适不适合你吧~~

tigerkin2008

Million thanks!!

amaibaobao

额 同意LS说的 写完自己先多读个几遍修一修吧 反正我粗粗看下来小错误不少

更主要是 观点阐述的也不好 既不给力  还冗余的内容特别多