请大家修改下我的独立写作

白猫台灯

这是一道巴朗模拟的第4套题中的独立写作。

题目：

Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money,while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living.Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand.Giv specific reasons for your answer.

下面是我写的文章，请多多指教——结构上、内容上、句式文采上——越多越好！如果能给我一个参考分数那再好不过！I AM ALL EARS!

When talking about life values,that is,what is most important in one's life,people are seperated into different groups.Some argue that it is fairly essential to make a big fortune while others consider it satisfied to earn a comfortable living.Let me analyse the two different types of life value.



Generally speaking,people who desires to make a large sum of money aspire to obtain a strong sense of success which is symbolized by the wealth one possesses.However,they fail to discover the truth that the real meaning of life not only consist of success but also includes happiness.



The other types of people aiming to live a comfortable life can additionally be seperated into another two kinds.Some people are content with a comfortable and trouble-free life only because they donnot have the motivation to pursuit success whereas the other type of people literally have a deep understanding of the essence of life,that is,to achieve the happiness and potential.



As far as I am concerned,I prefer to earn a comfortable living rather than involve myself in the restless way to success.As I have pointed above,the essenece of life lies in the achievement of happiness and personal potential,not in the accomplishment of high status and wealth.Imagine I were in the relentlessly pursuit of success.I have to sarcrifice my family time to the tight schedual,which probably brings me a host of pressure.However,getting a better understanding of what I do need contributes the content I can enjoy in the dialy life.For example,travelling brings me more happiness than the wealth since it expands my horizon and inspires my passion towards life when travelling around the world.In this way,I will definitely choose travelling.



It is of great importance to realize one's real desire of life before choosing the life to lead.For me,it is a more practical and enjoyable choice to earn a comfortable living.

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另外：我想请问，巴朗上的综合写作是不是与真正的考试差别很大呀？

canadoctor

you choose the latter idea.my opinion is that two positive evidences should be given and one negtive example to the former idea be presented.This kind of structure is easy to identify and give stong the support for your topic.