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ilove700

Great post~~Mark~~

kongkong57

男人还是很有意思的

cannedpineapple

B Sch vs Life- Or, Learning to Say No

Recently I've seen a lot of threads on CD asking about extremely important life-decisions. Should they go to business school or stay with the love of their life? Should they focus on marriage, or on getting an MBA? These people ask for opinions, others chime in, and at the end of the day... well, who knows what happens. A person's gotta decide for him or herself, no?

Here's how you decide. You need to learn how to say no... To yourself.

Most people take the following approach. First, ask a question. What are my priorities? Family? (yes). Career? (yes), and so on. Then they say, let me advance each of those goals. Family- find the right guy... Career- think about the right job, apply to business school... Finally, they execute. They go on all those fronts, advancing each of their important life goals all at the same time. Yes, yes, yes. Onward, to improvement and happiness!

This works great, until some of those goals clash. What then?

When this happens, your approach must change. You need to say... no. For example, in business school, you can't go around taking every single job that is available. Previously, you might have the luxury to look and consider every option that is presented to you. But here, when the options are so numerous? You need to say no. Sounds easy, right?

Um... No. No is perhaps the most difficult word to say. Few people can say no to themselves. For instance, after a failed interview, many people tell themselves: "that interviewer just didn't like me... ANY other interviewer, I would have gotten the job." What this is really saying is this: "yes. I'm too good for this job. I could always do this job anytime. And I want to do it. It's someone else, someone silly, who is forcing me to say no."

Instead, few people tell themselves, "well, I tried my best. And, no, I am not suitable for this job. I am not good enough for it, someone else is better. I'm not perfect. No. Give up. Move on."

I've noticed that "no" is particularly hard for a previously successful, driven, and confident professional to say to him or herself. Such individuals (many of whom apply to business school) have built a successful career out of never saying no. And so it's no surprise they can't say no now.

So, for all of those people thinking about what to do... Business school vs marriage. Career vs family. Here's my advice: learn to say no. Tell yourself, (for example) NO, you're just not good enough to succeed in business school, but YES, that will allow you to go and chase your real dream of building a family.

This, BTW, is why schools often ask about what you've learnt from a failure. It's often only when you learn AND ADMIT what you're a failure at (ie, say NO to yourself), that you can then turn to focus on what you can, and want, to succeed in. Embrace the fact that you (and everyone else) is a failure, and you might start to find the answers to your own questions.

cannedpineapple

How to ask for cash/ scholarships

Now you've done the hard part, and the problem now is... money. I am an economist by training, so unlike Jon Frank, I believe that everything has a price. Pay me enough (the question, however, is... how much is enough?) and I'll go to your school over another. EVERYTHING has a price.

So, how do we make that price lower? How do we get more money from a school? I'm going to teach you some basic negotiation skills I picked up at Wharton.

1) Establish the criteria you think they should use to judge your case for more money... From THEIR point of view. Don't say "I need this money", because, well, everyone needs the money. Instead, tell them why you deserve this money- and make sure they'll agree. "As a rare candidate from this industry..."

2) Establish likeability. Remind them again why xyz school is your first choice. Nobody will give you money if they don't like you.

3) Ask. Be direct. If you have competing offers, say so. If you don't ask, you will never receive. "I have some other schools that are offering me "how much", but I really would much rather go to your school. The decision is a really tough one, and I thought I'd inquire as to the possibility of getting some funds or scholarships from you."

4) Have an established goal in mind. How much do you want, that will allow you to go to their school? Like I said, everything has a price. If you don't even know what your ideal price is, how do you expect them to consider how much to give you? BTW, there are two goals you should have. One, the minimum you will accept, and two, the target you want. You should ask them for your target, but make sure you know what your minimum is.

5) Finally, as a last resort, you can say that you're going to the other school unless you can money from them. But, again, do this in a likeable way, and only say it if you mean it. "Because I intend to pursue a career in the media, it is important to me that I not be saddled with heavy loans to pay back after business school... So while your school remains, absolutely, my first choice, I am faced with a tough choice to choose the cheaper option instead."

Again, I believe there is a price for everything. Some dreams and careers will earn you less money than others (media vs ibanking; non-profit vs venture capital), and some of us MUST consider the role of money. If I didn't get a scholarship from my company to study my MBA, I probably couldn't bring myself to work in the media after graduating. I would have given up my dream.

As Jon Frank points out, in the long term, $20,000 probably does counts for nothing. But spending a few years in a career that you may not enjoy, because you feel pressurised to pay off your loans as soon as possible? Those few years are worth a lot more than $20,000. Sometimes you just gotta take that $20,000, go to a 'lower' school, and chase your dream. Cos' once your dream is gone, it may never come back.

Jason

csher

Very impressive and helpful tips. thanks a lot

cannedpineapple

Welcome

Congrats also to all new Wharton admits. The school is just starting a new lifelong education initiative that helps provide education to alumni as they need it- typically when they have to deal with specific challenges at work. This is a very forward-looking programme that is certainly a step in the right direction.

It's a good time to be going there.

cannedpineapple

I recently heard of someone thinking of marriage before going to b-school. It's a common question- what to do with your relationships? Well, in my experience, Chinese students' relationships will be just fine. Here's why. Disclaimer: this is from a foreigner's perspective.

1) Many of you are used to long-distance. It is common in China for two partners to be working and living in different cities. This doesn't happen very often in the US, when long-distance is often seen as the first step towards the end of a relationship.

2) Chinese students tend to go to business school with specific goals in mind: 1) network. 2) study, learn something. Very little of their time is spent trying to find relationships or about a new love partner.

3) Most Chinese students find that the best, most prestigious, and best paying jobs for their background, lie in China. If they go back to China, chances are any partner that they find in business school- unless their partner is also Chinese- will not be able to find as good a job in China. So it just doesn't work for both parties. So why bother?

4) The Chinese have a different idea of what the school experience should be like. In Business School, there is a college-like culture of singlehood and partying. However, this is a very American, US-college type of culture. College in China is very different from college in the US. Your college culture involved a lot more close-knit group activities like card games, karaoke, and potlucks. In the US, college involved getting drunk and making bad decisions during Spring Break at Cancun. So you both have your fun in different ways.

In general, I think Chinese students have very little to worry about when it comes to relationship. If it's time to get married, then go ahead; but you shouldn't feel the pressure to get married just because you're going to business school. Your relationships should turn out just fine

Jason

meimei0222

Insightful=)

cannedpineapple

thanks =)

helloeno

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!