请大家给我这篇TWE点建议,越多越好,11月1日考***急啊*****

wj37044

promp: some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. others believe that success ruslts from careful planning.

Up till now human society has experienced variety of phase, from early stage such as Paleolithic

and neolithc period to recent modern stage such as industrial and technological epoch so that

the society becomes more and more sophisticated and composes of different and enormous element, which means to offer people a grater amount of opportunity to succeed. Previously due to shortage of mediums for communication between people, there was limited way to achieve success and most possible way recognized by ancient people was to work hard plus careful planning, while currently various kinds of inventions come into face and in turn people are able to rely on such computer telegraph and telecommunication to accomplish their goal with less relative effort compared with archaic times. Hence from current perspective, I think success is likely to be realized by taking risk or chance.

 

As my saying above, ancient economic was not very flourish like today and mainly belonged to local or national economy. trade between country and countries was pretty rare. Of course, people always choose the traditional way to realize their goal by studying hard and planning carefully on their academy as well as furthermore acquiring such high score in national organized

test that they would be recruited in royal court, which is common method utilized by our ancestors not suitable for our generation.

 

Currently, with the advent of new technology, human society advances more quickly than we anticipated Internet, e-banking, prosperous capital market and various international organization are formed all of which are based on computer, telegraph and so on. In the mean time this revolution brings us more chance to earn the money immediately and make success. For instance, such modern capital markets as stock and future are saturated with opportunity all the time,

if someone has some financial and economic sense. Every day, there is new millionaires borned through the way of investment of any type of stock or future option. If the capital market is ebullient, almost every investor is capable of become millionaire through one night. There is well known saying that in bull stock market, it's much better to invest in stock than work hard in company. Another persuasive example is that children who simply inherited business from their parents are also likely to achieve same success because the parents have already founded solid base for them.

 

In closing, as the society progresses dramatically, there is tremendous opportunities which are waiting for you to recognize for success whether you are young or older only if you have clairvoyance and perspicacious ness. Although this kind of success is too easy for people to cherish or is meteoritic, it is true success as same as that obtained by careful planning.

gqm2008

读了3遍，发现作者的用词和句型都很棒，有点小问题就是长句太多，让人读起来很累

另外，我的感觉是不是很切题。

题目要求讨论take risk 与careful plan 哪个导致成功吧。。。

觉得楼主过分论述了现在与过去的不同，而没有将论证的重点放到risk leads to success上面

结尾的总结直接跑到超人的洞察力上面去了，让人费解。

总体而言，论证的重点不是很明确，是考试的致命伤

还有，楼主水平很高么，这么长的文章很难再没有准备的情况下载30分钟内写完吧。

以上个人意见，我也是新手。大家集思广益~

wj37044

多谢搂住点评，我也觉得是否对比过去与现在可行，我也不知道用market and inherit 去论证risk or chance leads to success是否贴切。大家一起给点思路吧！！！！

gqm2008

我觉得过去与现在的比较型题目是最恶心的，上回还遇到一个什么读和写的能力现在比过去更重要，是否同意。。。写的很郁闷。。

gqm2008

以下是引用wj37044在2009/10/9 13:35:00的发言：
多谢搂住点评，我也觉得是否对比过去与现在可行，我也不知道用market and inherit 去论证risk or chance leads to success是否贴切。大家一起给点思路吧！！！！

忘了说了，你这样过去与现在对比的思路是不切题的。。。好像没有涉及到过去 与现在的对比啊