作文互改，拍砖必回

radiationray

这是我的一篇习作，还请各位高人指点。因为格式的问题，只好用一大串等号来分隔段落了

120. Decisions can be made quickly, or they can be made after careful thought. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The decisions that people make quickly are always wrong. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion. 

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I strongly do not agree with the statement that decisions made quickly are always wrong. At the same time, I hold that, in some specific situations, instant decision is required. I will reason and illustrate my idea in this article.

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As a threshold, instant decisions are not always nonsensical. Some people stick to such viewpoint that people are too irrational to make sensible choices when they are deprived of time for consideration, while reasons and specific instances corroborating it are not adequate. The fact is, sometimes split-second ideas prove sensible and admirable. To illustrate, a Harlem father saved the life of a stranger when he pinned the flailing man between the rails just seconds before a train roared over their entwined bodies. From the coming reports we are surprised that the father didn't take a nanosecond to spark the hesitation--what it will be if he dies in the platform. Matching it is only a miracle, he succeeding in salvaging the stranger and his hat being grazed by the bottom of the train. And I thoroughly believe such kind of judgment, no one dare to criticize.

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Furthermore, sometimes we have to make resolutions promptly enough since we have no time to think about it. Imagine the scenario that a man is accidentally witnessing a murder, what will he decide to do? Definitely, there is no time for him to consider that whether he would be wounded if he takes action to try to stop the devil. It's so urgent. Correspondingly, it necessitates that someone believing in justice prevents the crime as soon as possible. And actually, what we cannot deny is that there are countless situations, similar to the one above, calling for immediate and brave decisions, just like saving people in a natural calamity. That is, sometimes, the necessities are those harsh decisions.

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Granted, I have no such intention to claim that judging and choosing with full consideration has no virtue. In fact, I do recommend people to get fully prepared. However, the issue concerns those certain surroundings they are in. Confronting something urgent, people have to and are able to make incredibly valiant and sublime choice. When it is not so crucial, they are supposed to contemplate for a while before taking actions.

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In conclusion, a decision harshly made does not always turns out as an error. Moreover, we sometimes have to make such sudden decision when there is time for any consideration.

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[此贴子已经被作者于2008-1-30 17:59:42编辑过]

suvtong

写得不错，能看得出来在LZ的词语和功底和不错。
我简单说说我的想法,一起讨论。
At the same time, I hold that。。。at the same time 不如改成 on contrary,

I
strongly do not agree with the statement that decisions made quickly
are always wrong. At the same time, I hold that, in some specific
situations, instant decision is required. I will reason and illustrate
my idea in this article.（idea一般不和reason搭配吧）

====================================================================================

As
a threshold, instant decisions are not always nonsensical. Some people
stick to such viewpoint that people are too irrational to make sensible
choices when they are deprived of time for consideration, while reasons
and specific instances corroborating it are not adequate. （it你想指代看法对吧，我感觉最好说明一下，否则容易搞混给读者指代不清）The fact is,
sometimes split-second ideas prove sensible and admirable. To
illustrate, a Harlem father saved the life of a stranger when he pinned
the flailing man between the rails just seconds before a train roared
over their entwined bodies. From the coming reports we are surprised
that the father didn't take a nanosecond to spark the hesitation--what
it will be if he dies in the platform. Matching it is only a miracle,
he succeeding in salvaging the stranger and his hat being grazed by the
bottom of the train. And I thoroughly believe such kind of judgment, no
one dare to criticize.

====================================================================================

Furthermore,
sometimes we have to make resolutions promptly enough since we have no
time to think about it. Imagine the scenario that a man is accidentally
witnessing a murder, what will he decide to do? （我感觉这个例子不太好，或者说你阐述的我一下子理解不了）Definitely, there is no
time for him to consider that whether he would be wounded if he takes
action to try to stop the devil. （你的解释好像也不是非常coherent）It's so urgent. Correspondingly, it
necessitates that someone believing in justice prevents the crime as
soon as possible. And actually, what we cannot deny is that there are
countless situations, similar to the one above, calling for immediate
and brave decisions, just like saving people in a natural calamity.
That is, sometimes, the necessities are those harsh decisions.

====================================================================================

Granted,
I have no such intention to claim that judging and choosing with full
consideration has no virtue. In fact, I do recommend people to get
fully prepared. However, the issue concerns those certain surroundings
they are in. Confronting something urgent, people have to and are able
to make incredibly valiant and sublime choice. When it is not so
crucial, they are supposed to contemplate for a while before taking
actions.（这句话意思好像不太对，为什么不crucial，反而要仔细想想呢？

====================================================================================

In
conclusion, a decision harshly made does not always turns out as an
error. Moreover, we sometimes have to make such sudden decision when
there is time for any consideration.

简单看了一下，写得文采还是很不错的，单词量好大，句式也不我的好多了。
不过好像你的意思的连贯程度还可以提高，看看OG上面的范文，是很好的例子。

我自己也写了一篇小文章，请LZ有时间帮着看看。

2007.5.18 花钱在长久的东西上和短期的旅行 哪个更好 

    

Many people feel hesitate and hard to
decide when they have some money to spend, will they choose long last possession
or a short period trip? In my opinion, I prefer to have a trip because  it could give me a chance to have a entire
relax and at the same time to gain some new useful experiences.

    

 

    

To me, A trip to a resort such as sea bench
or a high mountain is the best way to relax. Generally, I earn the money from my
part time job for a semester long time, and I was bored by the pressure of exam
and hard part time job, therefore a trip to visit a beautiful and different
place will make me forget the stress and put aside the study and work nerves
for a while. Furthermore, since the resort place usually has a perfect weather,
such as near a sea with a fragrant breeze and the only thing for me to do is
just sight seeing and play with my friends, the atmosphere is delight and enjoyable,
each time after the trip, I could regain my energy and feel confident to go
back to school for study.

    

 

    

Another important thing I can achieve from the
trip is to learn some useful experiences. Some experiences are related with
people. During the trip, you often meet lots of people which live in quite
different place and have different custom, it's  important for me to learn the whole world by
my eyes, instead form the books and other medium，which I have learn enough in the classroom. Moreover, I often go out
with many friends, during a trip I learn to care about other and learn to live
in a team with cooperation spirit. After each trip, the friendship with my trip
partner always confirm and harden than before.

    

A trip means a chance to go out side of my
hometown, I like it very much because the relax function it exert and the experiences
I got form each trip, which is can not collect form a other things for me.

    

kevin3

LZ的词汇量十分丰富，语句也很流畅，句式显示了其扎实的作文功底。应该有满分

radiationray

谢谢LZ的指正，以下是我改动的你的文章

Many people feel hesitate and hard to decide when they have some money to spend,(hesitate是动词，不能和feel连用,个人意见改为Many people hesitate over how to spend their money) Will they choose long last(long lasting) possession or a short period trip? In my opinion, I prefer to have a trip because it could give me a chance to have a(an) entire relax(relaxation) and at the same time to gain some new useful(helpful个人认为有用的经验似乎说不同) experiences（experience，如果是经历就是可数名词，不知道你这里是说经验还是经历）.

 

To me, a trip to a resort such as sea bench or a high mountain is the best way to relax. Generally, I earn the money from my part time job for a semester long time（semester-long period）, and I was bored by the pressure of exam and hard part time job(I cannot bear such strains coming from challenging exams and arduous part-time job), therefore a trip to visit a beautiful and different place will make me forget the stress and put aside the study and work nerves(这个地方感觉不太合适用nerve) for a while. Furthermore, since the resort place usually has a perfect weather, such as near a sea with a fragrant breeze and the only thing for me to do is just (enjoying the)sight and play(playing) with my friends. The atmosphere is delight(delightful) and enjoyable. Each time after the trip, I could regain my energy and feel confident to go back to school for study.

 

Another important thing I can achieve from the trip is to learn(obtain) some useful experiences(同第一段). Some experiences are related with people. During the trip, you often meet lots of people which live in quite different place（places） and have different custom(customs), it's important for me to learn the whole world by my eyes, instead of the books and other medium，(from )which I have learn enough in the classroom. Moreover, I often go out with many friends, during a trip I learn to care about other and learn to live in a team with cooperation spirit. After each trip, the friendship with my trip partner (is)always confirm(firmed) and harden(hardened) than before.

A trip means a chance to go outside of my hometown, I like it very much because the relax(relaxation) function it exert(exerts) and the experiences I got form each trip, which cannot collect form(from) other things for me.

 LZ的文章中打字错误和一些低级的语法错误（比如没有用复数等）多了一些，导致我读的时候完全被这些错误吸引了视线。过多的错误会影响最后的得分哦。

suvtong

多谢，认真修改，以后多注意语法错误，我终于知道自己的作文分数为什么特别低了。

yidy

感觉楼主词汇量好大，用起来很熟练。我以前练的时候也是这个目标，可是后来就发现自己坐不到了。
下面是我写的一个文章，麻烦楼主给我点建议吧。。不知道怎么练了。。。3月考。。。

do you agree? Do the movies and television
have more negative effect than positive effect on the young people

    

 

    

The other day, when I was so depressed by
the score in the social science course, I went home, stayed in the bed, and
turned on the TV.  On was a programme
about a group of people tried to survive in the terrible condition of the wild,
which told many stories about how to successfully make their life in spite of
all the difficulties. I like this programme so much that I use it to encourage
myself in time of difficulties, just as this time. TV, or movies, is an
effective and healthy medium to relieve the stress from life for me, and I
believe, for most people.

    

 

    

Admittedly, it is true that from time to
time TV and movies may bring about negative effect to some individuals,
especially the young. For example, a teenage who lakes the ability of
self-control is likely to sit in front of the TV all the day, doing nothing but
'enjoys' his favorite TV programme. Or, in some other cases, a boy may imitate
the violent behavior that shows in the movie without proper direction of his
parents. However, what we can observe in most cases is that the TV and movies
usually impart our lives with fun and of course, tend to have a positive impact
on the young.

    

 

    

In the first place, the programme in the TV
and the stories of the movies play an important role in educating the young.
Take the TV programme that I mentioned above as example again. Programme of
this kind usually teach a listen of the spirit of life and what's more, the
importance of courage of facing the problems that we encounter in life. As a
matter of fact, I watch TV quite a lot, and I often find that TV and movies
have a tendency to make a principle of a life easily acceptable by telling it through
a story.

    

 

    

Moreover, I believe that TV programme, as
well as movies, provides the young with a excellent chance relieve themselves
from the stress of study. Nowadays, it is known the more and more students are suffering
from the depression that is caused by the heavy burden
of study. The young is deserved to have a way to relax and to get rid of the
burden at least temporarily. By immersing
themselves in the story and the music of the movies, the students get the
chance the rest both physically and emotionally.

    

 

    

In addition, the TV programme and movies
that are available to the public are now carefully regulated by the government.
Parents who have worried about the content the movies and programme can really
relieve themselves a bit. Besides, parents themselves are able to further give
some suggestions to their kids according to the regulation of the government.

    

 

    

All in all, TV programme and movies have
brought about more positive effects than have caused negative impacts.

baizuofu

楼上的文风和我好像啊！！！不过语法比我强点，我也为提高作文苦恼中

yidy

回楼上的，我觉得这就是比较大众的文风。。。。
写来写去都只能挤出这么些简单的小词，我都不看重写什么内容了，只想把自己想表达的意思说清楚就好了。可是还是不少chanlish。。