大作文处女作，非常希望能够得到大家的指点

静夜的单簧管

由于明年2月份就要考了，现在才第一次写ibt的大作文，用的是ibt写作的模拟（不是模考）软件，在30分钟内赶完的，写完的时候完全是血脉蹦张的，因为我打字的时候速度巨满，特别是打英文的时候，所生怕写不完（ ）。这里非常希望得到大家的指点啊，有些什么不足大家都可以给我提提意见，非常感谢大家了
            

104. It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.

World has become increasingly multiplural and diversified in recent years. Various occupations emerge in this dazzling and highly-competitive society---scientists who strive their way into the depth of nature, artists who rack their brains to entertain the population, and workers who push endlessly and exhaustedly to make their ends meet. Yet people currently think that professions like artists have made our lives easier and more depression-free, contributing more to society. However, I reckon that it is scientists that have been playing a more consequential role in this world.

The most essential impact scientists have on this media-rich and technology-buzzed era is that they enables us to unload our manual pressure to the maximum. Admittedly, without scientists, machines like robots, automobiles and even computers can merely appear in a classic science fiction. What's more, we can't imagine the tough and even torturing life prior to the invention of these precisely calculated and designed modernized products---women would be struggling to wash packs of dirty clothes with hands, deep marine life would retmain untouched, and individuals would be walking day and night to reach a faraway destination. Undeniably, we should attribute today's physical conveniences ,to a large extent, to scientists.

In addition, scientists also provide us with state-of-the-art skills and technologies to gratify our wildest dreams. A couple who had been anticipating a biological child for years could burst into laughter when they heard the explosive news that biology researchers had found out a perfect way for their egg and sperm to diffuse together.  Undoubtedly, with the help of computer, people in Africa , to their unimaginable delight,  can visualize the exotic scenery even in Arctic.

A subtler quality, but perhaps as vital, is that scientists help keep modern society in place. In most cases, it is the technologies scientists designed that assist the societal advances and implement the regulations stipulated by the authorities. Nobody would expect citizens to observe the traffic rules, especially when it comes to the moment of red lights, without the pre-installed monitor system. Moreover, we can't deny the indispensable part that  electronic check-in system,  in sectors like services, has played in order to maintain the attendance or the registration of individuals. These technologies have secured the stability, organization, and harmony of the contemporary world.

In a word, it is extremely difficult to make decisions about which one of the two, artists or scientists, makes greater contributions to the society. But when the features, like modern society's convenience and orderliness scientists has offered, are factored in, it is sagacious to say that scientists are more consequential and influential to the world than artists.

Word count: 473

静夜的单簧管

自己顶一下~~

some_one

LZ 应该是准备过GRE或者GMAT的吧．写的已经相当不错了．估计再熟悉下，可以冲击满分滴．

BTW,In a word, it is extremely difficult to make decisions about which one of the two, artists or scientists, makes greater contributions to the society. 这句话似乎和你前面的论述没有什么关系，你前面都没有提artists对社会的贡献，怎么在结尾这样说呢．我觉得写一边倒的观点也可以，就像你在文中写的，说服力已经很强了．

LZ加油，肯定能去得好成绩的

静夜的单簧管

非常感谢some_one的解答，写完了之后再来看确实应该不用那句In a word, it is extremely difficult to make decisions about which one of the two, artists or scientists, makes greater contributions to the society了哈，当时写这句的时候还剩2分钟，都不知道该些什么东东，结果就把这句写上去了，狂汗。。。