[求助]TWE145,恳请各位牛牛不吝赐教^

s_flora_g

145. Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

正文：

With the increase of the number of advertisements in our everyday life, we have inevitably been involved in the heating debate upon both the advantage and the disadvantage of advertisements. After analyzing both sides, I tend to agree that advertising tells us about new products that may improve our lives.

 

Advertising, by using advanced means of mass media, has the ability to convey first-hand information to ordinary people in a swift and effective manner. With the help of TV, radio, or LED screen on the buses, advertisements reach people through a variety of methods. For instance, when you are on a bus, it is not likely for you to do anything effectively, since there are lots of other people talking around. The LED screen on the buses, thus, provides you with an ideal attraction to focus on. You, on one hand, feel less bore some; on the other, pay attention to the only existing program on the bus. Furthermore, you may find some information presented in certain advertisement is about the exact item you have been looking for months. In this way, advertisements become a useful tool to send information to most of the people in most cases.

 

Advertisements also act as a effective method to describe to us the major characteristics of certain products in an all-round way, since the main purpose of making advertisements is to convey to customers as clear as possible the attractions of their products. By learning information from advertisement, we can gather information with the highest value in the shortest time, which can be especially helpful when we are in urgent need of certain products. With the help of advertisements, we neither need to go to other places to find out information by ourselves, nor need to look up specific information of certain sort of item from the vast reservoir of resources.

 

In conclusion, advertising can be not only a way to present you as much information as possible by different tools at various time, but also a mean to show to you as many useful aspects of a certain item effectively. Therefore, I agree that the advantages of advertising outweigh the disadvantages of it, and it tells us about new products that may improve our lives.

这次用了整30分钟，因为限定的25分钟内实在没有写完。。红字是错字，已改正。恳请牛牛们指点如何举出例证，以及结尾部分怎样写比较好。^9.8号考，打算练习10篇，已练习2篇。

valenc

With the increase of the number of advertisements in our everyday（建议改daily) life, we have inevitably been involved in the heating debate upon both the advantage(s) and the disadvantage(s) of advertisements. After analyzing both sides, I tend to agree that advertising tells us about new products that may improve our lives.(按照我听过的课的讲法，老师建议把具体原因在第一段就表现出来，也不知道好坏，提出来，大家可以讨论下）
    

Advertising, by using advanced means of mass media, has the ability to convey first-hand information to ordinary people in a swift and effective manner. With the help of TV, radio, or LED screen on the buses(感觉单复数不对）, advertisements reach people through a variety of methods. For instance, when you are on a bus, it is not likely for you to do anything effectively, since there are lots of other people talking around. The LED screen on the buses, thus, provides you with an ideal attraction to focus on. You, on one hand, feel less bore some; on the other, pay attention to the only existing program on the bus. Furthermore, you may find some information presented in certain advertisement is about the exact item you have been looking for months. In this way, advertisements become a useful tool to send information to most of the people in most cases. （感觉论证没把first-hand体现出来，e.g感觉不是很好，让人感觉只是kill time的方式）

  

  

Advertisements also act as a effective method to describe to us the major characteristics of certain products in an all-round way, since the main purpose of making advertisements is to convey to customers as clear as possible the attractions of their products. By learning information from advertisement, we can gather information with the highest value in the shortest time, which can be especially helpful when we are in urgent need of certain products. With the help of advertisements, we neither need to go to other places to find out information by ourselves, nor need to look up specific information of certain sort of item from the vast reservoir of resources. （感觉论证还是有问题，但是语言很好，比我好多了）

 

In conclusion, advertising can be not only a way to present you as much information as possible by different tools at various time（at various time有点不懂times?）, but also a mean to show to you as many useful aspects of a certain item effectively. Therefore, I agree that the advantages of advertising outweigh the disadvantages(好像并没有任何关于disadvantages的论证啊，outweigh 表示超过的意思，比如A的优点outweigh B的优点，这样用我不知道对不对） of it, and it tells us about new products that may improve our lives.

感觉作者文字功底好，但论证上似乎还有些问题。

以上是我个人的拙见，作者看完后择优而取。

另外希望作者修改完后再发上来，我想再看看，吸取些经验。嘿嘿

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-9-2 22:01:39编辑过]

s_flora_g

恩，非常感谢细心点评~我会再修改然后发上来的。时间比较紧，尽量尽快^

yetemwok

good essay

yetemwok

Advertising, by using advanced means of mass media, has the ability to convey first-hand information to ordinary people in a swift and effective manner. With the help of TV, radio, or LED screen on the buses(感觉单复数不对，不是SIN OR PL，应该去掉THE）, advertisements reach people through a variety of methods. For instance, when you are on a bus, it is not likely for you to do anything effectively, since there are lots of other people talking around. The LED screen on the buses, thus, provides you with an ideal attraction DISTRACTION to focus on. You, on THE one hand, feel less bore some BORED/BORESOME; on the other HAND, YOU pay attention to the only existing program on the bus. Furthermore, you may find some information presented in certain advertisement is about the exact item you have been looking for months. In this way, advertisements become a useful tool to send information to most of the people in most cases. （感觉论证没把first-hand体现出来，e.g感觉不是很好，让人感觉只是kill time的方式）
                

Advertisements also act as a effective method to describe to us the major characteristics of certain products in an all-round way, since the main purpose of making advertisements is to convey to customers as clear as possible the attractions of their products. By learning information from advertisement, we can gather information with the highest value in the shortest time, which can be especially helpful when we are in urgent need of certain products. With the help of advertisements, we neither need to go to other places to find out information by ourselves, nor need to look up specific information of certain sort of item from the vast reservoir of resources. （感觉论证还是有问题，但是语言很好，比我好多了）

 

In conclusion, advertising can be not only a way to present you as much information as possible by different tools at various time（at various time有点不懂times?）, but also a mean to show to you as many useful aspects of a certain item effectively. IN CONCLUSION， AD IS A MEANS NOT ONLY。。。。， BUT ALSO。。。。Therefore, I agree that 可以去掉的，因为你说的就是你自己的观点。the advantages of advertising outweigh the disadvantages(好像并没有任何关于disadvantages的论证啊，outweigh 表示超过的意思，比如A的优点outweigh B的优点，这样用我不知道对不对） of it, and it tells us about new products that may improve our lives.

1。感觉有点问题： 文章很长，读起来很短， I MEAN，语言反复比较多。

2。例子有，但是没有对例子的分析/总结，AS CLASSIFIED BY ETS， A SHORT LIST OF EXAMPLE