8 17作文求拍

neason

麻烦大家了

Agree or disagree that nowadays people are too much emphasized on appearance and fashion?

“With fake Gucci and Dior bags in their hands, young girls seem pretty and charming” When all advertises are implying this message, this generation's mind is captured by fashion industry. Though fashion seems so complicated and fascinating, but the core of this business is simple -to give a hand bag the price of a new car, and persuade someone to buy it happily. Fortunately, lots of people found the truth beneath the disguise, so they argued that we too much emphasized on superficial appearance and fashion. However, I do not agree with them, because it is not this young generation that should be blamed. Desperately catching the fashion is not only because we are trying to show off, this trend is created by a couple of factors' mutual influence.

The first and foremost, the power of advertise is so overwhelming. Since we the time we were born, the everyday impression of those movie and television stars had significantly changed our value of the world. The meaning of handsome is simplified into pretty, especially after Paris Hilton became a star on television, those stupid behaviors and garish clothes were widely accepted by our naive kids. Therefore, those television companies, drove by the lust for profile, should be blamed for creating a trend to allure this generation into the chase for peripheral luster.

What is more, the prejudice in business field is also one of the factors that had contributed to the pursuing for fashion. According to a book written by a office lady who have rich experience in business work, the most successful woman in a company is usually the one who appears to be charming and alluring on the first look. Those not-so-pretty girls were shut outside the door of a high salary job, even she may be more capable than those pretty girls. Though sexual discrimination is forbidden in most companies, because a large proportion of managers are male, driven by the instinct power, it is natural that more attention is put on employee with fashionable clothes and cheerful outlook. Thus, in order to be easy promoted, and better paid in their jobs, women tried hard to keep in step with the fashion. So it is the prejudice among individuals in this society, should be blamed for generating such a trend.

In a word, only if we discard those prejudice, and judging people on the basis of their true ability, can we finally get out of the marsh of fashion, can we be liberated from the chain of fashion company, and live as free as we want.

jiyuztc

With fake Gucci and Dior bags in their hands, young girls seem pretty and charming” When all (all太绝对了吧，用a multitude of) advertises are implying this message, this generation's mind is captured by fashion industry. Though fashion seems so complicated and fascinating, but （though, but只能用一个） the core of this business is simple -to give a hand bag the price of a new car, and persuade someone to buy it happily. Fortunately, lots of子（a tremendous number of应该会好点） people found the truth beneath the disguise, so they argued that we too much emphasized on superficial appearance and fashion. However, I do not agree with them, because it is not this young generation that should be blamed. Desperately catching the fashion is not only because we are trying to show off, (but also because, 应该要与前面对应的吧) this trend is created by a couple of factors' mutual influence.

 

The first and foremost, the power of advertise is so overwhelming. Since we （we是不是多写了？） the time we were born, the everyday impression of those movie and television stars had significantly changed our value of the world. The meaning of handsome is simplified into pretty, especially after Paris Hilton became a star on television, those stupid behaviors and garish clothes were widely accepted by our naive kids. Therefore, those television companies, drove by the lust for profile, should be blamed for creating a trend to allure this generation into the chase for peripheral luster.

 

What is more, the prejudice in business field is also one of the factors that had contributed to the pursuing for fashion. According to a book written by a （an） office lady who have rich experience in business work, the most successful woman in a company is usually the one who appears to be charming and alluring on the first look. (Unfortunately,) Those not-so-pretty girls were shut outside the door of a high salary job, even she may be more capable than those pretty girls. Though sexual discrimination is forbidden in most companies, because a large proportion of managers are male, driven by the instinct power, (though, because 两个从句出现在一个句子里可能会有点问题。) it is natural that more attention is put on employee with fashionable clothes and cheerful outlook. Thus, in order to be easy promoted, and better paid in their jobs, women tried hard to keep in step with the fashion. So it is the prejudice among individuals in this society, should be blamed for generating such a trend. （这一句与上段末句句式类同，最好改改吧我觉得 It is the prejudice that leads to such a trend.）

 

In a word, only if we discard those prejudice, and judging people on the basis of their true ability, can we finally get out of the marsh of fashion, can we be liberated from the chain of fashion company, and live as free as we want.

neason

谢谢你啊

对了，不要见外，我其实特别想听听你对我文笔的整体评价，因为我现在想知道我有什么逻辑问题，或者文章组织的问题。

我的语法是很烂很烂，初中高中全睡觉了，到现在时态还不清楚，刚才也没有仔细检查，有好多低级错误，麻烦你了！！

jiyuztc

整体上,我觉得还行.其实我觉得这篇挺难写的,要是考场上我碰到这题,估计我就完了.觉得这个点不好找.你写的对我有点启发.

只是有些句子,我看得有些不清不楚,不知道是不是我的阅读水平问题,呵呵