[求助] 求拍 issue 115

gaosi107

拜托各位大NN拍一下俺的小作文， 我写出来感觉不是很有底

115  all employees should help decide the profits of a company or business should be used

Recently there has been a very controversial issue over how to decide the way profits of the company or business should be used. The author holds the view that all employees should help decide how the profits should be used. As far as I am concerned ,however, the claim by the author is partly right, but the final decision has to be made by one strong individual , who can take the full responsibility of it. Further analysis and discussion will be confirmed in the following:

 

To begin with, it is true that every team member should participate in the decision making process actively. Because different people might have viewpoints and considerations of their own,  so one problem could be looked into from various aspects. Moreover, in a company or business,  its profits should certainly attribute to all employees rather than  some strong leaders. Everyone's efforts will for sure deserve the right to give suggestions. Imagine a picture in which  only leaders can decide where the profits could go, then who are able to ensure that allocation of money would be imposed in an equal and justified way? Employees are a strong force to bring it back on the right track.

 

However, that everyone could help decide how money could be used never means that such a decision should be made by all employees. That would lead to a low efficiency. Since everyone might have a special view due to different levels of knowledge and characters, it is almost impossible to find a final decision, reaching an agreement everybody would be happy with. Under some circumstances, even everybody's participation will even be impossible. So a company has to rely on its leaders to determine the profits at last. Since the leader usually is one of the most authoritative and experienced in the business, his decisions will, to some degree, reflect the maximized benefit a company could gain.

 

Last but not the least, despite a strong leader in a company, it is still not so-called "central authority", which usually accompanies monopolies and bureaucracy. As I mentioned above, all employees could help decide how the money a company has earned should be made use of, so when a leader made a decision, he/she had to take everyone's opinions into account. A successful company with a strong individual who has the final say usually satisfies employees better. For example, despite the strength of Bill Gates, Microsoft company is still considered one of the companies employees want to work for most. And obviously its allocation of profits is rather effective according to its great achievements in the past years.

 

In conclusion, every employee should help decide how the profits of their company should be used. But the claim should not lead the profits allocation policy to go to another extreme. When everyone in the company could show his/her views in an appropriate way, one individual balances prudently and gives out the final plan, so that everyone could get a decent result. In my opinion, this might be the best effective method.

首先说的确是每个人都应该参与决策，其次说即使这样不代表人人有权利，真正决策是某一个牛人领导，这样怎么怎么好， 最后说一个牛人领导决策不代表垄断或者官僚，他也是在听取别人意见以后才做决定的，所以行之有效

这种思路感觉一直在转折，会不会显得不太清晰呢？

还有文字上是否有的词重复了太多？

希望大家使劲儿的拍啊，我还有一个礼拜就考试了

rio

以下是引用gaosi107在2007-8-6 22:56:00的发言：

拜托各位大NN拍一下俺的小作文， 我写出来感觉不是很有底

115  all employees should help decide the profits of a company or business should be used

Recently there has been a very controversial issue over how to decide the way (in which) profits of the company or business should be used. The author holds the view that all employees should help decide how the profits should be used. As far as I am concerned ,however, the claim by the author is partly right, but the final decision has to be made by one strong individual , who can take the full responsibility of it. Further analysis and discussion will be confirmed in the following:

To begin with, it is true that every team member should participate in the decision making process actively. Because different people might have viewpoints and considerations of their own,  so one problem could be looked into from various aspects. Moreover, in a company or business,  its profits should certainly attribute to all employees rather than  some strong leaders. Everyone's efforts will for sure deserve the right to give suggestions. Imagine a picture in which  only leaders can decide where the profits could go, then who are able to ensure that allocation of money would be imposed in an equal and justified way? Employees are a strong force to bring it back on the right track.

However, that everyone could help decide how money could be used never means that such a decision should be made by all employees. That would lead to a low efficiency. Since everyone might have a special view due to different levels of knowledge and characters, it is almost impossible to find a final decision, reaching an agreement everybody would be happy with. Under some circumstances, even everybody's participation will even be impossible. So a company has to rely on its leaders to determine the profits at last. Since the leader usually is one of the most authoritative and experienced in the business, his decisions will, to some degree, reflect the maximized benefit a company could gain.

Last but not the least, despite a strong leader in a company, it is still not so-called "central authority", which usually accompanies monopolies and bureaucracy. As I mentioned above, all employees could help decide how the money a company has earned should be made use of, so when a leader made a decision, he/she had to take everyone's opinions into account. A successful company with a strong individual who has the final say usually satisfies employees better. For example, despite the strength of Bill Gates, Microsoft company is still considered one of the companies employees want to work for most. And obviously its allocation of profits is rather effective according to its great achievements in the past years.

In conclusion, every employee should help decide how the profits of their company should be used. But the claim should not lead the profits allocation policy to go to another extreme. When everyone in the company could show his/her views in an appropriate way, one individual balances prudently and gives out the final plan, so that everyone could get a decent result. In my opinion, this might be the best effective method.

首先说的确是每个人都应该参与决策，其次说即使这样不代表人人有权利，真正决策是某一个牛人领导，这样怎么怎么好， 最后说一个牛人领导决策不代表垄断或者官僚，他也是在听取别人意见以后才做决定的，所以行之有效

这种思路感觉一直在转折，会不会显得不太清晰呢？

还有文字上是否有的词重复了太多？

希望大家使劲儿的拍啊，我还有一个礼拜就考试了

确实存在不够清晰的问题，解决方法是使用过渡句

比如在下一段转折开始前，先说前一段的意思：尽管牛人的意见往往起了决定性作用，但不代表他的意见是自己独立获得的。