请德克帮我看看...谢谢~

sophia_yl

题目:

选择汽车.自行车,和飞机中的一种交通工具解释为什么你认为它改变了人们的生活.

麻烦你如果有空的话帮我看看..谢谢..

上次你和我说的要注意用词.我觉得自己还是有些困难..可不可以帮我看看在哪些地方可以把词用得更漂亮.提高一下亮点..

麻烦了...

Nowadays, people can arrive at whatever their destinations all over the world less than one day, because of the development of airplanes. When asked what transportation vehicle has changed people’s lives, different people have different ideas. Some say automobiles while others believe bicycles. However, what I think is the airplane. Thanks to it, our lives become much easier and efficient.

First of all, airplanes save a large amount of precious time for people, especially busy ones. It only takes a few hours to get to the destination far away when it had to take some days in the past to arrive. Like my father, he is a business man with numerous projects on hand and has no choice to go to many different places in a few days. I really give my appreciation to the airplane that it makes my father’s job much easier. He can get to where he needs to go in a few hours and finish his work quickly instead of wasting his time on the way. I can not image that if it has no airplanes in the world, how the business of my father keeps going on?

Secondly, the development of airplanes will, as no doubt, provide people with some employee opportunities, which will diminish the employee pressure in our society. According to a recent poll, it can be seen that 70% people in this survey have the dream of working in the sky. Airplanes have the ability to make some of their dreams come true. So busy is the airplane that it is in great need of a large number of stewards with high educational backgrounds and social abilities. Therefore, it indeed saves many people from being unemployed.

To be frankly, airplanes sometimes did have some disadvantages to change our lives, say, taking airplanes spends much more money than other transportation vehicles. It will no doubt refuse some people to have the chance to enjoy the convenience of it. On the other hand, driving a car or riding a bicycle may sometimes be safer than taking an airplane.

Considerable though the disadvantages that airplanes lead to people’s lives are, they can not compete with the fantastic benefits that airplanes bring about, if the conveniences of it and the decrease of employee pressure are taken into deliberation. Obviously, all the analysis points to an unshakable consequence that airplanes have changed people’s lives. With the non-stop development of airplanes, I confirmedly hold the belief that it will change people’s lives in a further way.

德克的猪

Nowadays(如果以后再用nowadays,我就拒绝修改,改用currently), people can arrive at whatever their(their删除) destinations all over the world less than(用一个within就可以了) one day,(逗号不要) because of(thanks to更有感情色彩) the development(我觉得用help更好) of airplanes. When asked what transportation vehicle(vehicle多余了) has changed people’s lives, different people have different ideas(这句完全是废话,没有意义的). Some say automobiles while others believe bicycles(依然是废话). However, what I think is the airplane. Thanks to it, our lives become much easier and more efficient(逗号两边的词汇级别应该对应).(开头不要出现我刚刚说的那些废话,你可以考虑这样开头:100 years ago, people took more than 2 months in steamship to crawl across Pacific Ocean, and simultaneously faced the danger resulted from the storms and other unknown factors which could be quite deadly in the sea. Fortunately, things are fairly different now. Within one day, thanks to airplane, we can fly across Pacific Ocean with comfort-smooth and fast. Now my standpoint becomes manifest-it is airplane that has changed our lives a great deal and will still change our lives in the future. )

sophia_yl

谢谢...

我以后会注意的..似乎写作水平退步了..5555...