恳请各位看看我的大作，先谢了

mickimicki

185 其中的一篇：

 

The ability to cooperate well with others is more important today than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

 

挺用心写的一篇作文，估计真正考试能有这三分之二的水平，希望大家多提提意见，一句话也行，整篇也行，感谢。

 

 

 

Personally, I prefer cooperation to individualism and I consider cooperation as one of my important creeds. However, a multitude of people now live under the iluusion of heroism and they believe in less importance of ability to cooperate with others in that the advanced technology today enable people to accomplish their goal only with machine without collaborating with other people. From my perspectives, I contradict to this advocation and people’s ability to cooperate is more crucial than ever before. I will defend my position as follows.

 

Contemparily, our world is experiencing a revolution in technology development. As a result, computer replace TV, aeroplane subsitute for wagon, and e-mail takes the place of paper mail. For one thing, in the business world, you will be thrown to an unfavourable circumstance if you do not take advantages of these technologies while your competitors do and it is unescapable that you have to cooperate with the providers of these technologies. For another, the more advanced that the technology is, the stronger cooperation ability is required because network of your duty has been extended to worldwide. Accordingly, the importance of obtainning the ability to cooperate is becoming second to none.

 

Scarcely can one person profoundly explore in more than two fields there days due to the limitation of our brain functioning and the incredible volume of new ideas generating each day. The complexity of the subject we counter today has disabled an individual, a group or even a country from handling the task independently. For instance, scientists like Newton who devised calculus and proposedNewton’s Three Laws in the past have the ability to be professional in numerous fields such as mathematics, astronomy, geometry, physics and some other subjects. However, it is impossible these days and not surprised at all that one Nobel Prize is granted to several scientists simultaneously due to their cooperation on the same honored project. Undoutedly, the emphasis of our society has been shift from individualism to group cooperation, and the ability of working with others becomes the crucial precondition of one’s success.

 

Another critical factor contributes to the increasing necessity of cooperating with others comes form ourselves. In contrast to a slow-paced life people used to have before, in which people have plentiful of time to complete their work and still get spare times to socialize and participate in various household activities, the contemparary human life is much more intense and speedy, but collaborating with other people on same subject would add some condiments to the task and help people to ease their stress and anxieties through the conversation, at the mean time, they also share their uncommon views about the problem in different angles so as to achieve an improvement in working efficiency and quality. Therefore, the ability of cooperation is getting more and more essential for people to stay in a spectacular state.

 

In a final analysis, the ability to cooperate well with others is becoming more important than ever before regarding the improving communication tools, the increasing complexity and difficulty of the task, and the growing intensity of our daily life. That ability is the key for us to survive school, career and even rest of our life.

mickimicki

...为什么没人留个言...

自认写的不是很好,还望指教

德克的猪

你先用word文档把你写作里边的所有错误改改。

mickimicki

...不好意思,为了练习实战,写的时候关掉了语法纠正,

错别字搞定,

The ability to cooperate well with others is more important today than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

 

 

Personally, I prefer cooperation to individualism and I consider cooperation as one of my creeds. However, a multitude of people now live under the illusion of heroism and they believe in less importance of ability to cooperate with others in that the advanced technology today enable people to accomplish their goal only with machine without collaborating with other people. From my perspectives, I contradict to this viewpoint and people’s ability to cooperate is more crucial than ever before. I will defend my position as follows.

 

Contemporarily, our world is experiencing a revolution in technology development. As a result, computer replace TV, airplane substitute for wagon, and e-mail takes the place of paper mail. For one thing, in the business world, you will be thrown to an unfavorable circumstance if you do not take advantages of these technologies while your competitors do and it is inescapable that you have to cooperate with the providers of these technologies. For another, the more advanced that the technology is, the stronger cooperation ability is required because network of your duty has been extended to worldwide. Accordingly, the importance of obtaining the ability to cooperate is becoming second to none.

 

Scarcely can one person profoundly explore in more than two fields there days due to the limitation of our brain functioning and the incredible volume of new ideas generating each day. The complexity of the subject we counter today has disabled an individual, a group or even a country from handling the task independently. For instance, scientists like Newton who devised calculus and proposed Newton’s Three Laws in the past have the ability to be professional in numerous fields such as mathematics, astronomy, geometry, physics and some other subjects. However, it is impossible these days and not surprised at all that one Nobel Prize is granted to several scientists simultaneously due to their cooperation on the same honored project. Undoubtedly, the emphasis of our society has been shift from individualism to group cooperation, and the ability of working with others becomes the crucial precondition of one’s success.

 

Another critical factor contributes to the increasing necessity of cooperating with others comes form ourselves. In contrast to a slow-paced life people used to have before, in which people have plentiful of time to complete their work and still get spare times to socialize and participate in various household activities, the contemporary human life is much more intense and speedy, but collaborating with other people on same subject would add some condiments to the task and help people to ease their stress and anxieties through the conversation, at the mean time, they also share their uncommon views about the problem in different angles so as to achieve an improvement in working efficiency and quality. Therefore, the ability of cooperation is getting more and more essential for people to stay in a spectacular state.

 

In a final analysis, the ability to cooperate well with others is becoming more important than ever before regarding the improving communication tools, the increasing complexity and difficulty of the task, and the growing intensity of our daily life. That ability is the key for us to survive school, career and even rest of our life.

德克的猪

    

Personally, I prefer
cooperation to individualism and I consider cooperation as one of my creeds(我一直觉得开头直接称述自己的观点不好，你最好可以先用1，2句来提供一下background
information). However, a multitude of people now live under the illusion of heroism
and they believe in less importance of ability to cooperate with others in that
the advanced technology today enable people to accomplish their goal only with
machine without collaborating with other people（其实，你这段话拿来开头是很不错的，把这个长句和开头句对调一下）. From my
perspectives, I contradict to this viewpoint and（我觉得这里最好用一个表示因果的连词because/as/for，用and的话，感觉两个分句的联系不紧密） people’s ability to
cooperate is more crucial than ever before. I will defend my position as
follows.

的确是大作，我只改了开头，其他的地方无可挑剔。连贯性很好，词汇量丰富，表达到位。即便是这个的2/3的发挥，得满分也不是难事。

德克的猪

    

Contemporarily, our
world is experiencing a revolution in technology development. As a result,
computer replace TV, airplane substitute for wagon, and e-mail takes the place
of paper mail. For one thing, in the business world, you will be thrown to an
unfavorable circumstance if you do not take advantages of these technologies
while your competitors do and it is inescapable that you have to cooperate with
the providers of these technologies. For another, the more advanced that the
technology is, the stronger cooperation ability is required because network of
your duty has been extended to worldwide. Accordingly, the importance of
obtaining the ability to cooperate is becoming second to none.(我建议你把you换为one)

    

 

    

Scarcely can one
person profoundly explore in more than two fields there days due to the
limitation of our brain functioning and the incredible volume of new ideas
generating each day. The complexity of the subject we counter today has
disabled an individual, a group or even a country from handling(将高级的用法使用到底，这里可以用cope with<处理得好>或者tackle替换) the task
independently. For instance（Let us say）, scientists like Newton who
devised calculus and proposed Newton’s Three Laws in the past have the ability
to be professional in numerous fields such as mathematics, astronomy, geometry,
physics and some other subjects. However, it is impossible these days and not
surprised at all that one Nobel Prize is granted to several scientists
simultaneously due to their cooperation on the same honored project.
Undoubtedly(Indubitably/as no doubt), the
emphasis of our society has been shift from individualism to group cooperation,
and the ability（ability还可以用capacity/capability来替代） of working with others becomes the crucial
precondition of one’s success.

    

 

    

Another critical
factor contributes to the increasing necessity of cooperating with others comes
form ourselves. In contrast to a slow-paced life people used to have（enjoy） before, in which
people have plentiful of(plentiful后面不接of) time to complete
their work and still get spare times to socialize and participate in various
household activities, the contemporary human life is much more intense and
speedy, （这里应该是句号）but collaborating with other people on same subject would add some
condiments to the task and help people to ease their stress and anxieties
through the conversation, at the mean time, they also share their uncommon
views about the problem in different angles so as to achieve an improvement in
working efficiency and quality(这个句子太长了，应该把它分开。). Therefore, the
ability of cooperation is getting more and more essential for people to stay in
a spectacular state.

    

 

mickimicki

谢谢，德克的猪。

clairehz

词汇量好丰富阿，句子好长啊，能拿满分了吧