发一篇作文，希望得到大家的修改啊

yolandazhou

Topic 4

It has been said , " not everything that is learned is contained in books . " Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books . In your opinion , which source is more important ? Why?

 

 

Knowledge , as one of the most valuable thing in the society , arouses more and more people to pay attention to . Currently there is a big problem that which is more important that the knowledge gained from , books or experience . These two forms of learning , from my perspective , are both crucial .

 

 

Books are the major media of the dissemination of knowledge . It is books that most of the knowledge spreads via . Knowledge on books is both comprehensive and systematic . Reading books is the main avenue of studying . To give a demonstration , Peter is a child in a backward village . The villagers are ignorant and superstitious . When he was 7 years old ,he went to school in a town which is adjacent to the village . From the books , he learn a lot about the world ,the science, and many other knowledge he had not known before . He could use the knowledge what he learned into the normal life and solved a large amount of problems for the villagers .

 

 

On the other hand , books are not only the indirect experience but also the experience of predecessors . We do not need to go through what predecessors had experienced . What we can do is learn and inherit it . They did well in their fields . We stand on the shoulders of the giant .

 

 

Experience is also very signficant . It is more impressive，convincing，and profound . For instance , Li Shizheng , a Chinese doctor 2000 years ago , ate many herb to find the medicine to help cure the people . Eventually he found thousands of herb-medicines and cure many people . When he was old , he wrote the book " Compendium of Materia Medica " to the later generations . Without his experience , people can not survive from the disease . Furthermore , there are a lot of things we can not learn from books , such as swimming , painting , communication with others , etc .

 

 

Therefore , I think it is hard to say whether books or experience is more important . Not only books but also experience is crucial for us to learn .

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-8 10:42:59编辑过]

yumihooo

Knowledge, as one of the most valuable thing(one of后面要用复数，所以应该是things) in the society , arouses more and more people to pay attention to(to what?). Currently(既然用副词开头，在这里就应该有个逗号) there is a big problem that(好像用that不太合适，involves?) which is more important that the knowledge gained from, books or experience. These two forms of learning, from my perspective, are both crucial.

 

 

Books are the major media(因为把books看作一个整体，所以应该是Book is the major medium) of the dissemination of knowledge . It is books(via book) that most of the knowledge spreads via(删去). Knowledge on books is both comprehensive and systematic . Reading books is the main avenue of studying. To give a demonstration, Peter is a child in a backward village. The villagers are ignorant and superstitious. When he was 7 years old ,he went to school in a town which is(注意时态前后一致) adjacent to the village. From the books , he learn(Pay attention to the SENSE!) a lot about the world, the science, and many other knowledge he had not known before.(What came up next was that he eventually learned a lot about science, history, and even the whole world, which he had never thought about to know, by reading books.) He could use the knowledge what he learned(knowledge用gain比较合适) into the(没有the) normal life and solved a large amount of problems for the villagers. (What's more, he could take the knowledge he gained into practice and solve a large amount of problems that impeded the progress of the villagers developing their living conditions.)

 

On the other hand , books are not only the indirect experience but also the experience of predecessors . We do not need to go through what predecessors had experienced . What we can do is learn and inherit it . They did well in their fields . We stand on the shoulders of the giant .

(As the old saying goes, "If I have seen a little further, it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants." Thus, we could easily sweep out the obstacles in store for us via reading books, composed by predecessors, which contained a lot of precious experience for generations to learn and inherit. 然后最好再把这段扩展一下，观点很不错。)

Experience is also very significant . It is more impressive，convincing，and profound . For instance, Li Shizheng(Li Shizhen?), a Chinese doctor 2000 years ago , ate many herb(tried many herbs in firsthand) to find the medicine to help cure the people. Eventually he found thousands of herb-medicines and cure(cured) many people. When he was old, he wrote the book " Compendium of Materia Medica" to(for) the later generations. Without his experience , people can not(美式英语cannot是一个词，这里用would not be able to更好一些) survive from the disease. Furthermore, there are a lot of things we can not learn from books, such as swimming, painting, communication with others, etc.

Therefore , I think it is hard to say whether books or experience is more important. Not only books but also experience is crucial for us to learn.(Therefore, it is hard to pick up one choice from books and experience, since both are very crucial methods for us to learn by.)

Advices:

1。可以看出lz刚开始准备写作，还比较生疏，对于一些基本的规律还不太掌握。比如标点符号只有后面需要空格，前面不需要。

2。第二段相对来说算是比较完整的，有例证。第三段观点不错，但是不能只是蜻蜓点水，要深入讨论，否则就犯了大忌－－不specific。

3。lz的语法工底需要加强，很多句子都是简单句，可以试着把一些句子合成一个句子。

4。如果我没猜错的话，lz写作文的时候用了词典，很多大词在一个小句子中用会显得很突兀。

5。文章中句子前后不太连贯，也许是顺序问题，我改了问题比较严重的几句。

6。如果lz不是很着急考T，可以循序渐进，先攻语法，然后在每次写作文之前列个大纲，最后再适当用一些高级词汇。

7。文中还有一些已经提到但是没指出的问题，望lz自己找出，也算是检验一下是否真正掌握了。

8。这篇作文一定要保留着！以后再拿出来对比着看，会很容易看到自己的进步！

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-8 17:42:22编辑过]

yolandazhou

 谢谢！！

受益匪浅啊！