［求改］第一篇综合写作328字盼改．写的是6月24日机经题，３楼初稿200字

seamoon8

感谢Babymirror机经

Integration: 生物燃料吧biofuel，建议人们把一些食物，比如大米，玉米当燃料，比fuel fossil好，就那么硬写的
文章：1 用生物燃料减少人类的食物
         2 用生物燃料是食物价格上涨，很多家庭不能afford
         3 用生物燃料因为健康的食物少了，导致人们吃不健康食品
讲座：1 biofuel只用了5%的食物，不影响人们吃饭饭
         2 用biofuel减少了其他费用，如transport等，一个降处处降，所以物价不会涨
         3 适量用biofuel会减少famers用这些来喂猪啊羊啊，这样肉就少了，就贵了（猪肉涨价。。。），反而让人们少吃肉，比以前更健康！！！（减肥么这不是！）
   

感谢wh19860220机经
     

综合写作reading：生物能源有negetive aspect,原因有三点：一：生物能源需要grain,会出现粮食短缺；二：生物能能源消耗了grain,会使粮食物价上涨，导致很多家庭的经济负担；三：生物能源消耗了grain后，会使人们的diet会不健康。
      

reading：生物能源有negetive aspect,原因有三点：一：生物能源需要grain,会出现粮食短缺；二：生物能能源消耗了grain,会使粮食物价上涨，导致很多家庭的经济负担；三：生物能源消耗了grain后，会使人们的diet会不健康。
   

听力内容：professor不同意这个观点
  原因有三。
  一：不会出现粮食短缺，
  只消耗5%的粮食
  二：虽然食品价格上升，但是生物能源使人们的燃料费下降，
  花在交通上面的钱会变少，更能benifit家庭
  三
  会试人们的食谱更健康
  有positve effect(这点听得不是太清)

 

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-25 10:54:49编辑过]

seamoon8

 
The lecture is mainly discussing the supply of the food, the family costs and the cookbook of the families  by explaining the benefits of using biofuel, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that using the biofuel will lead to the short of the food, the food price too high for many families to afford and eating the junk food.

First of all, the speaker thins that using the biofuel does not influence the amount of the whole food supply for people’s consumption because using the biofuel only accounts for five percent of the total amount of food supply. That is, the consumption of the food for the biofuel only posses very little part of the amount of the general food. In contrast, the reading passage believes that the food shortage occurs after the grain used into the biofuel . So, the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses that the family cost decreases by using the biofuel. Although the price of the food increases, the other prices decrease. For example, the money in the transportation will decrease because the fuel price decreases. This was another part which contradictes the viewpoint stated in the passage that food price will rise resulting from the the grain functioning as the source of the biofuel.

Third, the speaker raises the issue that using the biofuel makes the people’s recipe healthier. Because people use the food in biofuel, they decrease the amount of the food using in breeding the livestock such as pigs and goats. Consequently, the meal prices raise. Due to the high prices, people change the structure of the cookbook and begin to eat less meal. Therefore, people become healthier. This point disagrees that eating unhealthy food deriving from the biofuel demonstated in the reading.

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

328字

这是偶第一篇综合写作，偶是照着新鲜出炉的6,24的作文机经写的，呵呵，谢谢上面两位．

偶把认为要写的都写上了，本来是１９分钟写的，没有这么多，后来对照了模板和ＯＧ的范文，东改改，西改改把缺的补上就就成这样了，一数，３２８个字，考试肯定是写不了这么多字的．时间也是不够的，

请大家帮忙改改，偶哪里写的不对，哪里可以去掉，哪里写的少了，哪里写的多了．

诚恳求指点．谢谢大家．

 

 

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-25 11:37:15编辑过]

seamoon8

 

（200字）

３楼的这篇这个是偶没有修改前，用１９分钟的时间参照着ＯＧ的第一篇5分作文写的，大家帮偶看看．

The lecture talks about the benefits of using biofuel. He says that the standpoints stated in the passage are somewhat inaccurate and proposes three reasons.

First, using the biofuel does not influence the amount of the whole food that people consume because using the biofuel only takes five percent of the food. That is, the consumption of the food for the biofuel only posses very little part of the amount of the general food. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, the whole cost was decreased by using the biofuel. Although the price of the food increases, the other prices decrease. For example, the money in the transportation will decrease because the fuel price decreases. This was another part which contradicts the viewpoint stated in the passage.

Third, using the biofuel makes the people’s recipe healthier. Because people use the food in biofuel, they decrease the amount of the food using in breeding the livestock such as pigs and goats. Consequently, the meal prices raise. Due to the high prices, people change the structure of the cookbook and begin to eat less meal. Therefore, people become healthier. So the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.

（200字）

３楼的这篇这个是偶没有修改前，用１９分钟的时间参照着ＯＧ的第一篇5分作文写的，大家帮偶看看，偶应该怎么修改

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-25 11:38:44编辑过]