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Most students would prefer to go to university as soon as they graduate from high school(开头的第一句最好不要直点主题，按照外国人的习惯，你应该先general的说一下，如：University education is gradually becoming the most important key to our time, 然后具体到你要说的东西,也就是specific一下,这里就接hence the current tendency that a multitude of students strive hard to enter university.然后再把他们毕业后直接进入大学的这个情况说出来,这样就显得很自然了,符合老外的口味). It seems like a good idea since entering university directly after high school would save their(them) a great deal of time. After all, time is the most precious in the modern world. (你上一句的开头也是一个it,这里你可以加一个语气词来舒缓一下,同时避免两句的开头用一个单词,比如加个well.<其实你这样写是没有任何问题的>)It all sounds great in theory. (你在上一句写了<理论上很好>,后面没有任何的过渡,就直接说:我认为还是应该one year later,这样比较的突兀,所以这里可以加一个句子:As a matter of fact, in terms of practice, it is the other around<事实上,要是在实践上,就不像理论那样听起来不错了>.这样就自然了很多.当然,后面的nevertheless要换为consequently)Nevertheless, I believe that high school students should go to university one year later after the graduation of high school. My reasons are as followed. First of all(For one thing), one year job experience promises(will promise) us an excellent study in university. Actually(virtually也可以), working for a full year shapes our understanding of what major is the modern society needing(应该就是needs吧) most. To some(这里为了强调它的好,你可以说to a certain extent) extent, this will help us to(to可以不要) choose a major that fits us most. Today, many students complain about not choosing their favorite major on the ground that they have little information of what major fits them most before they go to the university(我知道你想说的是:不能在当场就决定选什么专业.但是恐怕你这样表达比较不清楚,可以改为:many students complain about the fact that they cannot make a decision on what to learn in a short time which mainly boils down to they have little information of which major might be an apt one). How can a person who dislikes what he/she(s/he) learn would(can和would的成分是一样的,这里只能用一个) make a remarkable improvement in his/her study. In addition, taking a job teaches us some basis knowledge about one subject. For example, a student working in a computer company for a long time, definitely, would grasp some basic knowledge about computer. Naturally, the knowledge what they learned during their work would assist them to have a good(an outstanding) study after they become a university student. Secondly(To such a reason, another must be added), through working in a company, students would be more prone to(be prone to do的意思是倾向于做坏的事.使用单词一定弄清意思!) get a good job in the future than those who do not have this experience. On one hand, working in a company we would have to deal with different kinds of people, cooperation with our co-workers and communicate with them. This process can help us build a good character, such as honesty, confidence and other important characters(避免重复,使用qualities) for a person to succeed. On the other hand, if the company, we work for, is an influential, international one, we would get a convincing recommendation letter from the boss. Of course, such a recommendation letter makes us outstanding when hunting for a good job. Also, we think about returning to the company after we graduate from university. (这段写得不错,但是我发现,你这个make sb do/be这个结构用得太多了) In conclusion, I content that students should work for a year before they become a formal university student. It will not just be good for us to choose a good major, but make us more competitive(competitive是有竞争意识的,而非有竞争力的,这里用错了,这里我也不清楚应该怎么说好,我去问问外教然后再告诉你) in the search of a satisfied job. | 
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发表于 2007-6-6 10:20:00
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