６月２４上刑场，第一篇作文．无头绪，请求ＧＧ，ＪＪ们修改．．

费尔南多

第一次，真的很垃圾．我都不好意思．但是还是希望能大家多提意见，最好多骂一下．也不知道有什么好摸板．．．哇，完了．靠大家指导了．．．

May 28^th
            

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Nowadays, people living in the modern society are more and more flexible. "Those flexibility" unfortunately begin to challenge the principle which has existed for thousands years of invariable telling truth. Those people, who incline to discard the exalted morality which has been passed from one generation to another, live under illusion that one do not need to telling the truth all the time in order to avoid troubles or make a good willing lie to release someone who is in disastrous. However, from my perspective, it is not as that case at all and what they are thinking about is really far beyond me. I will always put honest in the first consideration in any relationship. There are several reasons contribute my attitude.

 

Firstly, once you tell a lie, you will not fall to tell another. In another word, there is no perfect lie available in the world, so every lie makers had to conceal the defects exist in their lie with a new one. They cannot stop from the “rolling snow”, all they have to do is just make more and more lies. How does it happen? Of course, the pressure being aware of they are dishonest impose them to do so. They know once their cheating exposed, they cannot stand on the society, and this pressure eventually make them collapsed. This is just as taking drug, and one finally get lost in this despair addiction. As all we know this society’s standard exclude all the dishonest people, why not live in a more comfortable way of life just tell the truth.

 

Secondly, a good willing lie may help temporarily, but eventually it would lead to even worse result. Once a film named “goodbye Lenin” was deeply impress me a lot. A woman officer in Former East Germany was accidental badly hurt in trying to stop a match in 1989. She become unconsciousness in a relative long time and during this time the Former East Germany had collapsed. When she revived, she’s son was afraid of his dear mother would be too sad to know the situation. Therefore, he decided to try everything best to prevent her mom to aware. With the recover of the woman officer, she finally knew the truth and demised in fury. The result could have been better, if her son tell her the truth earlier. In the movie, the direct killer of the officer’s death was not because the situation had changed—the country collapsed, but she was the last one to know this. Nobody wish he/she is the only one unveil from the truth, they want know the truth as soon as possible. Therefore, a so-called good willing lie does not really mean to them as the good willing. They would only complain about your veil the truth, and become unhappy about your kind hearted.      

All in all, no matter in what situation a lie can never avoid troubles but make more troubles, because you would be consider as unreliable and never regain the trust of others, finally discard by the society. This is why I choose the honest is the most important consideration in any relationship, rather than the others characteristic.

 

费尔南多

自己顶一下.....跪求大家了.

德克的猪

Nowadays(以后用currently代替nowadays), people living in the modern society are more and more flexible. "Those flexibility" unfortunately begin to challenge the principle which has existed for thousands years of invariable(invariably这里该用副词) telling truth. Those people, who incline to discard the exalted morality which has been passed from one generation to another, live under illusion that one do not need to telling(tell) the truth all the time in order to avoid(shun这里可以更好的表达你的意思) troubles or make a good willing lie（善意的谎言应该是: white lies） to release(pacify在这里更合适，release要接one’s grief) someone who is in disastrous. However, from my perspective, it is not as that case at all and what they are thinking about is really far beyond me. I will always put honest in the first consideration in any relationship. There are several reasons contribute (to) my attitude.(还是不错的开头，LZ谦虚了)

                                                                                            

Firstly（For one thing）, once you tell a lie, you will not fall to tell another. In another word, there is no perfect lie available in the world, so every lie makers had to conceal the defects exist in their lie with a new one(强呀，这个概念表达得很清楚，而且很有说服力).They cannot stop from the “rolling snow”（我知道你想表达<滚雪球>这个概念,这里应该用snowballing）, all they have to do is just make more and more lies. How does it happen? Of course, the pressure being aware of they are dishonest impose them to do so(coerce them into a cycle-tell a lie and then make another elaborate lie to explain or conceal the previous one-they just cannot get out). They know once their cheating exposed, they cannot stand on the society(stand on society这用法我没有见过,请解释一下,谢谢), and this pressure eventually make them collapsed(collapse是vi,所以这里collapsed显然不好,可以改为:their spiritual worlds will eventually and inevitably collapse due to this intense pressure). This is just as taking drug, and one finally get lost in this despair addiction. As all we know this society’s standard exclude all the dishonest(dishonest还有一个同义词是:mendacious,如果出现重复,可以替换) people, why not live in a more comfortable way of life just tell the truth.

 

Secondly(firstly和secondly这样的词汇最好还是不要用,不是因为他们不好,而是因为他们被用得太多太多,这里用:To such a paramount reason, another must be added), a good willing lie(white lie) may help temporarily, but eventually(前面用了一个eventually,所以这里我建议用ultimately) it would lead to even worse result. Once a film(movie的美式英语) named “goodbye Lenin” was deeply impress(用impressed就可以了) me a lot(deeply和a lot重复了,这里我建议删去deeply,将a lot改为a great deal). A woman (female)
            officer in Former East Germany was accidental badly hurt in trying to stop a match in 1989. She become(became) unconsciousness in a relative long time and during this time the Former East Germany had collapsed. When she revived, she’s(her,汗`````````) son was afraid of his dear mother would be too sad to know the situation. Therefore, he decided to try everything best to prevent her mom to aware. With the recover of the woman officer, she finally knew the truth and demised in fury. The result could have been(be)
                    better, if her son tell her the truth earlier. In the movie, the direct killer of the officer’s death was not because the situation had changed—the country collapsed, but she was the last one to know this. Nobody wish he/she is the only one unveil from the truth, they want know the truth as soon as possible. Therefore, a so-called good willing lie does not really mean to them as the good willing. They would only complain about your veil the truth, and become unhappy about your kind hearted.(具体而生动的例子,可以很好的支持论点,表达很清楚,不过注意时态)  

All in all(Now it is time to come to a conclusion), no matter in what situation a lie can never (help) avoid troubles but make(produce) more troubles(ones), because you would be consider as unreliable and never regain the trust of others, finally discard by the society. This is why I choose the honest is the most important(cardinal) consideration in any relationship, rather than the others characteristic.

(写得很好呀,得5分<满分>的机会很大.这篇文章好的表达的清晰和论证的充分,例子的有力,文章有血有肉,逻辑性强,得高分理所当然)

 

费尔南多

谢谢德克啊,但是看起来错误很多,没有很大的影响么?  我中午认真改一改,将德克你的精华给吸收一下咯...这个第一次写的,也没定时间...谢谢你的鼓励了. 我继续加油写咯.

德克的猪

文章整体是很不错的，很多地方我改动只是想让它表达更准确充分而已（细节当然是越精确越好的）

小的错误是不会影响ETS对你的作文的打分的，而且你小的错误不多

费尔南多

有德克这么好的指导....看来有希望了...

德克的猪

哪里哪里````是你的文章本身就写得很好``

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=249219&page=1

这个是我的词汇替换``

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-29 11:45:14编辑过]

费尔南多

难道我是被四六级给埋没了......大一四级的时候561(作文40多分)大二六级的时候460(作文30分...).

难道...呵呵

德克的猪

......4，6级考试就是垃圾..

...你这篇作文之所以出色是你的观点很好，论证很充分，例子也有说服力，同时表达也很清楚

...这样的文章不得高分是不可能的

费尔南多

昨天晚上学校小暴动....真是无语毕业生疯了...搞的作文也没写好.