我写作还很烂时抄袭NCE3,41课写的东西·红色为老师的批改

zdlukeluck

把这个给大家看的目的是告诉大家该怎么抄袭

红色的字是我的菜鸟老师给我的批改

The peaceful life in the small town has never appealed to me.（此句是复述题目意思，最好不好不要照抄，用自己的话写，例如可考虑：I have never been attracted by the tranquil life in the small town.）
    City born and bred (good!), I've （记住写完整形式：I have）always regarded the big cities（用单数形式表概念就可以了，city）
    as the best places（place）to reside in.

The small towns（用单数表概念）, which I think are
     (is) somewhere you can occasionally visit during holidays, however, are considered superior to the big cities
     (city) by some people. They are forever extolling the gentle pace of living, the clean atmosphere (若表环境最好还是用environment, atmosphere一般表示有人在一起造成的气氛) and the closeness to nature in the country. Nevertheless, this pretty scene is only part of the entire picture, because those people fail to mention the freezing winter evenings in front of the TV—virtually the unique form of entertainment and the vacuity of emotions. （记住我们的长短句原则，加上because引导的从句变成更复杂的长句）And they say nothing about the suffering of leading a humdrum existence and the feeling of being bored to death. （good!）

If you can do without the dubious pleasures of the small towns, you will find the city can provide you with the best life can offer you
     (offer一般接双宾语). There is so much variety that you never have to make do with second best or tolerate the poor selection of goods in the country. Shopping is therefore a pleasure.（此段还可以加上shopping方便的例子增强说明力，否则显得连贯性不强，有些突兀）

Next, abundant entertainment is invariably nearby and available.（表达不地道，可否考虑改为：abundant entertainment, in most cases, near where the city inhabitants live, is invariably available and readily accessible.）In the city, exhibitions, films, or plays are only a short buses away (表达不地道，可考虑a short bus-ride). People in the small towns may deem such regular pastime for city dwellers as a special treat. What’s (is) more, you never have to travel miles to see your friends because…(最好再用一个简单的句子说明朋友们住得不远).

In addition, the superiority in education in the city is prominent in our country.（一定要加限定，各个地方情况不一样，外国很多有名的大学都是在小镇上，比如英国的牛津、剑桥、杜伦，不能把话说得太绝对）Education is one of the key words of our time. A man without good education, many of us believe, is deprived of one of the greatest 21st century opportunities (greatest到底是修饰21世纪还是机会，容易让人产生误解，最好改为：opportunities in the 21^st century to a great extent). Convinced of the importance of education, dwelling in the city is a wiser choice.

Why some people go into raptures at the life in the country and the small towns is really beyond me. For me, the city is where I rightly belong.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-23 22:23:29编辑过]