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Vocation, as is so often pointed out , is the most wonderful time in every students’ lives(life). But whether should students gain(gain这个词在这里使用不是太合适，gain的意思和你要表达的有一些偏差，这里还是用be given好一些) a long vacation or some short vacations（这里的句法有错误，whether应该不要）? I have to admit it is a tough choice（如果这里用choice,就表明你前面提到的是一个choice,但实际上你前面提到的是一个问题，使用这里应该说：I have to say that it is fairly difficult to make a choice between these two）. Some people claim(建议在TOEFL的写作中最好不要用claim, state这样的单词，因为这些词含有在公众场合声明的味道，在这里用显得太大，太正式，所以可以说uphold，支持) that taking several short vacations is a more better（more better?这样的错误以后千万不要犯了，以后说最佳选择的时候，可以说 ptimal choice） way to relax yourselves(oneself). Nonetheless, many people think otherwise(用in another way代替otherwise，表达更准确).However, after a serious thinking(serious来描述think似乎不大好，这里可以考虑用：after contemplating<仔细的思考> and comparing these two in many ways<将两者在很多方面做了比较>), I am totally （这里将am with改作stand with）with fromer group of people .I believe that given several short vacations is more significant(more significant的意思是更重要，在这里似乎不太恰当，可以考虑改作：bring more benefits) to students. (这里需要提醒你，空格的打法是：在标点后面打空格，而不是前面) For starters, compared with a long vacation, several short vacations is a more efficacious way（避免单词的重复，way的替换有：method, avenue） to reduce your(这里应该用one’s,不要滥用you这个概念，外国人指代更喜好用one) academic pressure. for instance(for example和for instance的代替是：To give a demonstration), after working (for a) whole week, you get a three-days vacation. First day you can invite some good friends to have a dinner in a restautant near your community,.Enjoying the delicious cuisines such as chinese or sushi while talking about some funny experience happened last week. Next day you can go hiking on a moutain. Surely fresh air and quiet atmosphere will have a salutary impact on your health. Third day you can go to movie theater to see some classic movie and latest movie, such as Spiderman 3 or (the) Godfather. After that you can have a good sleep at night. Can you imagine how excited you will be if you have a vocation like this every two week. “the pressure?“ I can not believe that after having such a wonderful vocation, the pressure can still take its toll on you.(你的想法是过得去的，但是表述过于的简单了。同时，在long vocation中一个人也可以干你提到的东西，而且享受的时间更长，所以我认为这个理由的说服力似乎还是不太够。我这里写了一段：In long vocation, one can thoroughly drop anything that might spoil the vocation off and enjoy the sunshine and countless parties. Sounds appealing? However, that is only one part of the picture. Just now I failed to mention that long vocation invariably diminishes one’s passion and zest in her/his work where s/he rightly belongs. One might found it next to impossible to get into her/his character after a two-month-long vocation-s/he just cannot follow the fast paces in work. Well, when it comes to short vocation, it is the other way around-it provides one with enough time to have a break and inject vigor into herself/himself. Simultaneously, it is short-I mean, it never slow down one’s pace in everyday life and work.)
Furthermore, having several short vacations will not bring any adverse influents on your academic performance. Reasoning that unlike taking a long vacation, the short vacaton will not make you forget your lessons or reduce your interest on your subjects. (good!)
Birefly from all the advantages(advantages=merits, 以后替换使用可以避免重复) above, there is no doubt（这里可以用一个As no doubt, 替换，注意：逗号是必须加的） that having several vacations is the best(optimal) choice for every student. Don’t(Do not,以后不要连写) wait, join us and enjoy the numerous advantages of short vacations.（最后一句我不大建议这么写）
把我的修改集合看了 然后是writing tips 当然还有词汇替换 会有很大的帮助的 | 
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发表于 2007-5-22 23:37:00
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