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第一次限时作文,请NN帮忙改下!6.9考,急死了!

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楼主
发表于 2007-5-22 14:32:00 | 只看该作者

第一次限时作文,请NN帮忙改下!6.9考,急死了!

149 imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land?

 

Living in a small town like my hometown where the economy is not flourished, a lot of things need to be prompted. Such as the road condition, the environment and people’s living conditions. If I were given some land to use as my wish, I would build a school on the land. A number of reasons for doing so are as bellow.

Firstly, there are few schools in such kind of small town and many children have no chance to study in school. Some children in the countryside cannot go to school because there is no one or school is too far from their home. Their dream of going to college could not come true due to this. Therefore, a school is greatly needed.

Secondly, people in town are almost illiterate. Most people only do the farming. When they encounter some useful information on paper, they could do nothing but ask someone who is of literacy. I want to build a school to educate them and let them know how wonderful the world is with knowledge. Then they can read and some useful information is available at least. They can also utilize the knowledge they acquire to improve the productivity of the farming.

Lastly, if a school is built there, it also can provide the local people some job opportunity. As the local economy is not well developed, we should introduce some organizations into this place to impulse the development of the local economy. Consequently, some local people could work in the school as a cleaner. This not only help them solve their economic problem, but also improve their lives.

In conclusion, I believe that the most appropriate use of land in the downtown would be to develop it into a school. And I am sure that people there could benefit from it greatly.

.

 

沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2007-5-22 20:42:00 | 只看该作者
大牛门能不能说两句啊?no one  care........
板凳
发表于 2007-5-22 21:43:00 | 只看该作者

MM的作文第一眼感觉字数不够,嘿嘿,刚开始没关系,慢慢会好的

还有就是每段要中心突出,意思要精准,不要饶圈圈说多余的话,模版的感觉太中,应该过渡自然点,不要那么生硬的用FIRST,SECOND什么的

理由展开要充分,一开始可以不要写这样的题目,自由发挥的,最好写点A OR B或者问你是否同意下面的说法...这样的作文,具有普遍性,这样的很少会碰到,先用那些普适的练习结构和构思

地板
 楼主| 发表于 2007-5-22 22:14:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢你啊,终于有人回应了!我都快崩溃了,马上就考了,但是还是不能在规定的时间内写完,怎么办啊?就算写完了也只是很低的水平啊
5#
发表于 2007-5-22 23:37:00 | 只看该作者

你可以看看185,李笑来老师的。很不错。

6#
发表于 2007-5-22 23:57:00 | 只看该作者
LZ加油!!!!
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