5.19考，5.17最新的作文zdlukeluck,JOJO显灵哈

jessiebetty

movies and telephones make more negative effects than positive effects on young people's behavior?

       People who live in modern world often face such a problem that whether parents should allow children to watch movies or should allow children to contact with telephones too early.

This may arouse the problem that whether movies and telephones bring us positive effects or negative ones. Entertainment companies such as Sony will definitely emphasize the advantages of the mass media. Though some cautious parents quite oppose this kind of advertisements, I would choose to agree with the former statement, which confirm to the intents of the society.

       It is the movie that provides the common topics which can be shared by our young people. I could still remember that after the introduction of the movie "Titanic", we friends often talk together about this magic movie. So deeply moved by the deep love between Rose and Jack, we come to further exchange our idea on the topic of love. It is not exaggerating that we develop several topics around the movie, including the clothes, appearance and costumes. Such talk really make us involve into a deep think about our future  love and also touch the regions of my mates' heart, thus making us more close.

       Furthermore, as a famous director says, a movie is just a picture of life, which combines both the sunshine and dark sides of the real world. That kind of view is deeply illustrated in the movie "the Lord of Rings". With the reward of several Oscars, the Lord of Rings converts the conflicts between people in modern industrialized society into a epics that an alliance of justice people gather together to battle the evil. Staying in such a world that includes self-fishiness and generosity, goodwill and evil, friendship and betrayal, we come to realize the true nature of life but also the real warmth from the people around us. This comes to a striking conclusion that the movie can really teach us a lot about our life.

       Though some movies can make us exposed to some violent elements, which may lure the young people to participate into similar behaviors, we can conduct several measurements to direct the movies and confine or edit the sequences. All above come to the very points that

movie really bring a big change to our daily life.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-17 22:38:22编辑过]

howzgoin

`??????

zdlukeluck和JOJO很强嘛？？

sunnyever

好像是 movies and televisions。。。。。。。。

zdlukeluck

 

  People who live in modern world often face such a problem that whether parents should allow children to watch movies or should allow children to contact with telephones too early（这里没有必要让should allow出现两次.依旧是模版,不过时间既然不够了,那就在词汇上多下点功夫吧,结构看来是来不及了）.

This may arouse the problem that whether movies and telephones bring us positive effects or negative(adverse) ones. Entertainment companies such as Sony(精确的说,SONY不算是Entertainment company) will definitely emphasize the advantages(merits) of the mass media. Though some cautious parents quite oppose this kind of advertisements, I would choose to agree with(espouse) the former statement, which confirm to the intents of the society.

       It is the movie that provides the common(universal) topics which can be shared by our(us) young people. I could still remember that after the introduction of the movie "Titanic", we friends often talk(talked,注意时态!) together about this magic(magical, magic作形容词时,意思用魔法做,而magical的意思是可以产生魔幻效果的,让人觉得wonderful的,所以这里用magical更好) movie. So deeply moved by the deep love(拜托……你这里又出现了重复,而且还隔得这么近.第一个deeply可以改为thoroughly,完全被感动了) between Rose and Jack, we come to further exchange our idea on the topic of love. It is not exaggerating that we develop(developed时态!!!你如果两次以上出现类似的minor errors, 阅卷人就会认为你不知道这里的确切用法,你一定要注意时态!) several topics around the movie, including the clothes, appearance and costumes(clothes和costumes是一个概念,这里重复了). Such talk really make(made,过去的事肯定要用过去时呀!!!) us involve into a deep think(thought) about our future  love and also touch the regions of my mates' heart, thus making us more close(closer, 这里也可以了考虑用more intimate).

       Furthermore, as a famous(renowned) director says, a movie is just(just多余了) a picture of life, which combines both the sunshine and dark (good and evil) sides of the real world. That kind of view is deeply illustrated in the movie "the Lord of Rings". With the reward of several Oscars, the Lord of Rings converts the conflicts between people in modern industrialized society into a(an) epics that an alliance of justice people gather together to battle
            the evil. Staying in such a world that includes self-fishiness and generosity, goodwill and evil, friendship and betrayal, we come to realize the true nature of life but also the real(sincere) warmth from the people around us. This comes to a striking conclusion that the movie can really teach us a lot about our life(lives). (虽然用词和造句不是很高级,但是这段整体还是写得很好的!)

       Though some movies can make us exposed to some violent elements, which may lure the young people to participate into similar behaviors, we can conduct several measurements to direct the movies and confine or edit the sequences. All above come to the very points that

movie really bring a big change to our daily(everyday) life.

 

明天就要考试了,good luck

再看看我前面给你修改时的tips

要记住时态的正确性!

用词的多样性!尽量不要重复用词.

考试时字数不够,插入语凑!