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谢谢版主的指点！ 文章改了一遍，主要是中间三段，补充了一些例子或论述，不知道算不算是well developed 了呢？ 动感性、画面性、多样性,体会中…. Entering a good university may be the most significant goal for all students from the first day they went to schools. They are taught by their teachers and families that only if they graduate from top universities can they find good jobs and enjoy happy lives. However, nobody can say that getting university education is the most important factor for a successful life.
First, let's talk about what is defined as success. Is only a doctor or a lawyer deserves to be thought successful person? A common person with a satisfying job which can offer basic food and shelter for his/her families is successful too. Do you remember the famous story about the rich man and the fish man? The rich man say you must work hard and earn enough money so that you can enjoy the sunshine and beach comfortably. But that is what the fish man doing right now. Enjoying sunshine and beach is no the privilege of rich ones, as well as success. Once you satisfy your life, you can proudly say that you are successful. In other words, education is not the only way toward success and good life. As long as you enjoy yourself and satisfy what you own, you are successful.
Second, studying in university is not the only way one can get good education. There are too many examples about the poor children who cannot afford schooling become rich enterprisers and inventors, such as Edison. They mostly got education and knowledge from everyday life by themselves, and no matter what the difficult was, they insisted to pursue their dreams. Besides, there are too many examples about the top school students who drop out of school become giants in business or political circles, such as Bill Gates. They gave up the degrees when they thought the opportunity was coming, and became much more successful than their classmates who finished school. So, if a person do not own a diploma of university, it not means he/she is poor educated. As long as they own interest and passion, they will success one day.
Finally, education is one of the factors which lead a person to be successful, but there are many other factors as well. Top university graduates may find a good job with high salary, the most significant factor, however, is the hard work from then on. Every year, there are so many PhDs complain that they can not find jobs, even some of whom are top university students. On the other hand, the companies complain that the quality of most of the new graduates is so poor that they don’t know how to work and communicate at all. It is no doubt that you can learn knowledge and technology in university, but you can’t learn how to deal with others and how to learn from work in classes, instead, you must learn lots of things in society. When the good education, personality, hard work and other basic factors join together, the person can success in his/her area.
In sum, all roads lead to Rome. Entering a good university is only the first step, not the only way, toward success. I think, everyone who want to be success and work hard for this desire through right way, can fulfill this dream. | 
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楼主
想尽量写些长句复杂句，结果写的磕磕绊绊...
发表于 2007-7-19 08:25:00
发表于 2007-7-23 00:02:00
