临近尾声.....一篇作文..望有人可以估个分

jessica021

Topic154: In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

There are many smokers in all the countries, some people really "enjoy" it since it will make them feel relaxed or feel more comfortable. However, much more people consider smoking as a bad habit which should be forbidden in public places and offices. In my opinion, I totally agree with the majority of the people, because smoking does harm to not only the smokers, but also the people surrounds them, as well as our beautiful earth.

For the person himself who smokes, he does get most harm from the cigarettes. It is reported that the chemical elements contained in the cigarettes can make one's lung becoming black, that is to say, the smokers’ lungs are not healthy. To be more serious, it can make the person to get lung cancer. A person has been smoking more than 30 years will have 5 years shorter life than an ordinary person who does not smoke. That is really amazing that smoking is killing your life!

On the other hand, for the people around the smoker, they will also get great harm from the cigarette although they did not directly smoke it. However absorbing the smoke released by the smoker can also cause diseases which are as disastrous as what the smoker get. Maybe a smoker is discussing something with a person who is allergic to the smoke, once the smoker smokes, the partner will be made cough and will definitely lose interests to further the cooperation or discussion. As you can see, smoking will also influence others.

More deeply, for our clean air, smoking is definitely a kind of pollution which makes our atmosphere dirty. All the people on the earth need a good environment to study, to work, and to live. So it is the responsibility for all of us to create a good environment.

The reasons above can absolutely prove my statement that people should not smoke in public.

                                                                                                                           ~320 words~

我是从3个方面来论证的....

1.吸烟者个人..

2.周围的人...

3.对环境....

谢谢各位能花个1分钟看一下......大约给估个分数吧

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-4-6 20:08:09编辑过]

jessica021

不会吧.....

没人啊???

lxzjojo

以下是引用jessica021在2007-4-6 20:06:00的发言：

Topic154: In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

There are many smokers in all the countries, some people really "enjoy" it since it will make them feel relaxed or feel more comfortable. However, much more people consider smoking as a bad habit which should be forbidden in public places and offices. In my opinion, I totally agree with the majority of the people, because smoking does harm to not only the smokers, but also the people surrounds them, as well as our beautiful earth.

For the person himself who smokes, he does get most harm from the cigarettes. It is reported that the chemical elements contained in the cigarettes can make one's lung becoming black, that is to say, the smokers’ lungs are not healthy. To be more serious, it can make the person to get lung cancer. A person has been smoking more than 30 years will have 5 years shorter life than an ordinary person who does not smoke. That is really amazing that smoking is killing your life!

On the other hand, for the people around the smoker, they will also get great harm from the cigarette although they did not directly smoke it. However absorbing the smoke released by the smoker can also cause diseases which are as disastrous as what the smoker get. Maybe a smoker is discussing something with a person who is allergic to the smoke, once the smoker smokes, the partner will be made cough and will definitely lose interests to further the cooperation or discussion. As you can see, smoking will also influence others.

More deeply, for our clean air, smoking is definitely a kind of pollution which makes our atmosphere dirty. All the people on the earth need a good environment to study, to work, and to live. So it is the responsibility for all of us to create a good environment.

The reasons above can absolutely prove my statement that people should not smoke in public.

                                                                                                                           ~320 words~

我是从3个方面来论证的....

1.吸烟者个人..

2.周围的人...

3.对环境....

谢谢各位能花个1分钟看一下......大约给估个分数吧

直接给MM说下我的几点意见吧：
1。模板的痕迹太重;
2。句式比较单调，用词也太简单
3。结构不错，理由其实相当充分，但却缺乏适当地铺开。看了感觉就是蜻蜓点水一般，“针针都刺不到肉”。建议可以在具体描述时举些真实的或者是贴身的例子。随便说说，比如说MM可以说下自己认识的一个人或者是听说过的一个人因为抽烟所以令自己和身边的人受痛苦的事例，虽然听起来可能有点老土，但却能令文章生色不少。
4。字数有点太少，希望尽量能写到350字以上。

ninanina

This is my outline....

I strongly vote for the regulation in some countries that smoking is banned in public areas and office buildings, with the consideration of public health, respect for other people and care for young children.

First hand smoking vs. second hand smoking

As a responsible citizen with quality conscience, everybody should be aware that the action doing harm to other people, no matter with purpose or unintentionally, should be punished and firmly banned.

 

We are not only talking about public health and safety. Smoking viewed as a personal decision and activity, shouldn’t be brought to public places as long as it intrudes into the shared public air and space. Other people by the side of a smoker may not be only affected physically but also psychologically as it may incur bad mood and some unpredictable reaction for some individuals

 

Contagious smoking can be, it’s bad for adults to smoke in public areas to set bad examples for young kids.