作文，求高手修改

zhangxiao07

不知道为什么，这几天作文越写越没谱，最后又回到了前天那个套路的状态，翻了翻OG的例文，又写了一篇，说实话，前30篇作文里的很多例子我都已经背下来了，但是这一次......大家看看吧，不见得多么强

Do you agree or disagree with the statement? People should only read books that are about real events, real people, and estabished fact. Use specific reasons and examples to support your anwser.

Due to the development of the literature, various types of books spring up in our daily life. Some people believe we should read the books concerning real events,for only the real things are meaningful. However, a lot of people state they prefer fiction, as it can relax them. Despite different opinion, personally, I am inclined to the fiction. I will try to demonstrate my standpoint in the following paragraph.

Firstly, in my opinion, the fiction also expresses something meaningful rather than nonsense which some people thought. For instance, my favourite book, Harry Potter, is extremely popular all over the word. Why? Because it combines magic with instruction. When reading the chapter that Harry and his friends have to be confronted Voldemort, the most fierce wizard in the world, I was shocked by the young boy’s courage and resourcefulness. What’s more, I understand the true meaning of friendship, courage ,and responsibility. According to the survey reported by China Daily, 89.4% adolescents who are the fans of Harry Potter have the same feeling while they read this part of the book.. There’s no denying that fiction can also teach people a lot of meaningful things as well as the book focusig on the real events.

Secondly, aside from the instruction, fiction, as many people state, could reduce our social and academic pressure. After several hours of working without a short break, people always enjoy reading fiction to forget thigs that bothered them, and to lose them in the fictional world. I am fond of reading several passages of Harry Potter after class. It could cheer me up and make me more concentrate on my study later.

To sum it up, since it can bring me both entertainment and instruction, reading fiction in my spare time is my favourite hobby instead of reading the so-called “real book”.

lxzjojo

以下是引用zhangxiao07在2007-4-6 9:07:00的发言：

不知道为什么，这几天作文越写越没谱，最后又回到了前天那个套路的状态，翻了翻OG的例文，又写了一篇，说实话，前30篇作文里的很多例子我都已经背下来了，但是这一次......大家看看吧，不见得多么强

Do you agree or disagree with the statement? People should only read books that are about real events, real people, and estabished fact. Use specific reasons and examples to support your anwser.

Due to the development of the literature, various types of books spring up in our daily life. Some people believe we should read the books concerning real events,for only the real things are meaningful. However, a lot of people state they prefer fiction, as it can relax them. Despite different opinion, personally, I am inclined to the fiction. I will try to demonstrate my standpoint in the following paragraph.

Firstly, in my opinion, the fiction also expresses something meaningful rather than nonsense which some people thought. For instance, my favourite book, Harry Potter, is extremely popular all over the word. Why? Because it combines magic with instruction. When reading the chapter that Harry and his friends have to be confronted Voldemort, the most fierce wizard in the world, I was shocked by the young boy’s courage and resourcefulness. What’s more, I understand the true meaning of friendship, courage ,and responsibility. According to the survey reported by China Daily, 89.4% adolescents who are the fans of Harry Potter have the same feeling while they read this part of the book.. There’s no denying that fiction can also teach people a lot of meaningful things as well as the book focusig on the real events.

Secondly, aside from the instruction, fiction, as many people state, could reduce our social and academic pressure. After several hours of working without a short break, people always enjoy reading fiction to forget thigs that bothered them, and to lose them in the fictional world. I am fond of reading several passages of Harry Potter after class. It could cheer me up and make me more concentrate on my study later.

To sum it up, since it can bring me both entertainment and instruction, reading fiction in my spare time is my favourite hobby instead of reading the so-called “real book”.

客气的话就不说了，直接提点意见吧，说得不好请别介意：

1。模板味道太浓，不知道楼主考过G没，我感觉这就是G作文后遗症。尤其是第一段，我比较不赞同这种开头，感觉就在凑字数，并没有在“develop”一个main idea.

2。第一个观点提得相当好，例子也举得很不错，很到位。但是第二点却显然虎头蛇尾了，其实最不恰当的是引用了相同的"harry porter"作为例子。如果我是rater的话，会感觉你的思维不够开拓，好像说来说去就只有harry porter了。。。你要尽量用不同角度的事例来向评分者证明，你对题目有着自己明确的观点，而且能从不同的方面来develop你的观点，这点很重要。

3。如前面所说，整篇文章的感觉是头重脚轻，后面的论点没有很好地展开。结尾有点太仓促，也太敷衍了些。

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-4-6 22:49:33编辑过]

ninanina

Entertainment doesn't seem to paralle with Instruction, actually, I mean, in terms of word usage

Overall I like your way of presenting, coz I didn't find difficult reading and grasping ur main idea

However, maybe it's a good idea to talk more on the difference between books about facts and books from writers' creativity and imgination

Instead of only discussing around ficition, u know, fiction is only one kind of not-true-to-reality books

and yes u've got some gramatic errors

a little bit too obvisou that u r using template....try to avoid this dear