以下是引用水柔清95在2007-3-30 20:15:00的发言：是题库的第一篇：人们选择上大学的原因 Among the millions of high school graduates in China, surprisingly there are hundreds of thousands of them who enter the college annually. The freshmen can be categorized into two fields: some are intended, others are blind. The former part attends college to increase their experiences, enlarge their knowledge and widen their insights. In China the orbit of students’ life is directly across between school and home especially from primary school to high school. The regularity is becoming much clearer than before with kids rising into higher level, the education of pre-college can be attributed to elementary one and only spread of several subjects, so the accumulation of experience and specific knowledge nearly equals to blank beyond studying, even have no possibility to deepen and specialize the knowledge. After entering the college, kids finally have more opportunities to focus on one or few subjects they are interested in and get much closer to the dream. Just like the Founding Prime Minister Enlai Chou of P.R.C. determined to study in order to raise his beloved motherland, helping her escape from poverty, starvation and so forth. Obviously, some in the first active part are to guarantee the opportunities of advancement for future job market. In such a more and more fierce competitive society, college education becoming universal education, those high school graduates with no professional skills must have lots of difficulties in finding a decent job and even would get no job. The second part can be concluded as blind with even no personal goal or perspective: following their parents’ cherished but failed college entrance dream, entering college with the observation of their friends’ decisions and so on so forth. All because of nescience, ironically it always becomes an reason for people to do something. 首先，感觉文章没有写完。缺少了一个ending。这里不要说你要用一些很模板的conclusion之类的文字来写个结尾，但是你至少得让人家知道，你已经表达完自己的观点了，这点很重要。
第二，这个题目其实相当好写，相信我们之中的大部分人都有过高中毕业考大学的经历，相信“黑色七月”的说法大家都不陌生吧。。。相当好发挥啊，就写父母的厚望、学校的期盼、自己的理想啊~试着不要用这种完全置身度外的写法，把自己写进去，融入真实的情感，将自己的真实经历写出来，文章就会有立体感很多。
第三，观点没有完全铺开，尤其是第二个观点，过于简单了，觉得并没有很好的表达出你想要说的内容，就没有了。。。 | 
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发表于 2007-4-2 19:54:00
发表于 2007-4-3 23:12:00
