托福处女作文，请前辈们指点

zhouchx

4.It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
        

 

Some people believe that knowledge gained from experience is more important, while others

consider knowledge gained from book is more important. As for me, I prefer to the former.

because I think it has more advantages. There are numerous reasons why I think knowledge from

experience are more important and I would in here explain a few of the most important ones.

  First of all, any real knowledge from book is second-hand experiences from other people.

Any knowledge should be proved by experience. Without our ancestors doing a lot of research, we

today cannot know so much. As we all know, the earth is running around the sun. But a long time

ago, people thought that the earth was the centre of all things in university and everything

was running around it. After astronomers do a lot of research, people begin to believe it is

the earth that is running around the Sun.

  Secondly ,knowledge from experience can be remembered deeply. As I was learning physical

theorems, it would be very hard for me to understand them if I just looked at the book and

tried to memorize them. But if I do some experiments myself, I could catch them much earlier

and remember them for ever.

  Nevertheless, some knowledge must be obtained through book such as history knowledge. We

could not go back to the past to know what had happened and we have to learn it through book.

  If all these factors are considered  ,the advantages of knowledge from experience carry more

weight than those from book. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw a

conclusion that knowledge gained from experience is more important than that from book.

  花了两个多小时写的，也不知这样行不行，自己老觉得无话可说，凑不足字数。

 欢迎前辈们拍啊

Some people believe that knowledge gained from experience is more important, while others

consider knowledge gained from book is more important. As for me, I prefer to the former.

because I think it has more advantages. There are numerous reasons why I think knowledge from

experience are more important and I would in here explain a few of the most important ones.

  First of all, any real knowledge from book is second-hand experiences from other people.

Any knowledge should be proved by experience. Without our ancestors doing a lot of research, we

today cannot know so much. As we all know, the earth is running around the sun. But a long time

ago, people thought that the earth was the centre of all things in university and everything

was running around it. After astronomers do a lot of research, people begin to believe it is

the earth that is running around the Sun.

  Secondly ,knowledge from experience can be remembered deeply. As I was learning physical

theorems, it would be very hard for me to understand them if I just looked at the book and

tried to memorize them. But if I do some experiments myself, I could catch them much earlier

and remember them for ever.

  Nevertheless, some knowledge must be obtained through book such as history knowledge. We

could not go back to the past to know what had happened and we have to learn it through book.

  If all these factors are considered  ,the advantages of knowledge from experience carry more

weight than those from book. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw a

conclusion that knowledge gained from experience is more important than that from book.

  花了两个多小时写的，也不知这样行不行，自己老觉得无话可说，凑不足字数。

 欢迎前辈们拍啊

 

 

pexi

首先申明不是前辈，自己也报了6月的T，希望能互相学习，一起进步。

如果是第一次写，应该挺好的，结构清晰，（好象大家用的魔板都差不多），比我写的强多了。但是应该是还有些问题吧，总体感觉比较Ch-English.

1,用词好象不太灵活，例如第一段有两次important,而且很近。中间段有3次running around(这表达好象不太地道，i don't know）;推荐《挑战满分》，感觉很有帮助。

2，语法错误好象还不少，prefer to应该加动词吧，prefer及物接名词；应该是in the universe吧，写成in university了; knowledge gained from中gained 应该不能省略吧？（同问斑竹）我觉的保险点的就不要省，大不了用些其他词代替，例如obtained,acquired,learned...

3，有些表达好象不太好 I would in here to explain...

希望能有些帮助

beentome

觉得确实很ch-English。

不过，结构很清晰，论点好，但论据就有点不那么清楚了，思维上还是觉得不够老外，加上用词上面不地道估计老外会觉得不好理解哦，还是需要练习多点经验就好了．

lxzjojo

以下是引用zhouchx在2007-3-22 20:05:00的发言：

4.It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
Some people believe that knowledge gained from experience is more important, while others

consider knowledge gained from book is more important. As for me, I prefer to the former.

because I think it has more advantages. There are numerous reasons why I think knowledge from

experience are more important and I would in here explain a few of the most important ones.

  First of all, any real knowledge from book is second-hand experiences from other people.

Any knowledge should be proved by experience. Without our ancestors doing a lot of research, we

today cannot know so much. As we all know, the earth is running around the sun. But a long time

ago, people thought that the earth was the centre of all things in university and everything

was running around it. After astronomers do a lot of research, people begin to believe it is

the earth that is running around the Sun.

  Secondly ,knowledge from experience can be remembered deeply. As I was learning physical

theorems, it would be very hard for me to understand them if I just looked at the book and

tried to memorize them. But if I do some experiments myself, I could catch them much earlier

and remember them for ever.（这段前后时态不统一）

  Nevertheless, some knowledge must be obtained through book such as history knowledge. We

could not go back to the past to know what had happened and we have to learn it through book.

  If all these factors are considered  ,the advantages of knowledge from experience carry more

weight than those from book. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw a

conclusion that knowledge gained from experience is more important than that from book.

几点意见如下：

1。模板味道太浓，整个感觉在将一些词语“塞”到原有的一个框框里。这种写法在新托福里面一点也不讨好，建议MM尽量改变死板的写作方法。

2。看得出来，MM有努力在运用事例，这点很好。但用例子的时候，建议写得生动些，有感情些。比如说那个地球围绕太阳转的例子对于说明这个主题相当不错，但表达得略显生硬，假若你将它套在自己的身上，说以前自己就很天真地以为地球是中心，后来读了书长了知识后恍然大悟了，原来地球还得绕着太阳转呢，于是终生受益，感受到了书本上知识的重要性。。。诸如此类的，加些感情色彩进去，感觉会亲切很多，真实很多。
第二段的例子也是一样，如此一笔带过，太苍白了些。

3。整体来说，错别字比较少，这点很好。但也还是有些表达不甚妥当的地方，红色是偶发现的拼写错误，绿色是一些句子问题。

4。字数不要凑出来，要真的有东西好写才写，硬凑字数，写些无关痛痒的东东上去，rater可能看着心里更加难受呢。一般来说，要保证350字以上吧，实在写不出就不要再勉强了。精辟的文章，只要能很好表达自己的中心，也就是好文章。

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-3-24 13:40:58编辑过]

squareb

写得不错，不过用词还是要用一些高级词汇，否则得不了太高分

zhouchx

分析得好有道理啊

只是我真的凑不足字数，还有一个月就要考了，作文和口语才刚开始看，自己英语基础也不好，真不知道该怎么准备