ChaseDream
搜索
返回列表 发新帖
查看: 1419|回复: 9
打印 上一主题 下一主题

今天写了一篇超过400的 麻烦大家再指点一下:)

[复制链接]
楼主
发表于 2007-3-14 20:43:00 | 只看该作者

今天写了一篇超过400的 麻烦大家再指点一下:)

这几天坚持每天写两篇 感觉好象打字熟练了点 以至于今天写出一篇420左右的 但是个人感觉有些废话 希望大家多多指点!谢谢拉!

39. With the help of technology, students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly. A or DA?

Science and technology are exerting a much stronger influence on our life than ever before. It is no exaggeration to say that almost every respect of our life has been changed profoundly thanks to the scientific and technological innovations. And the aspect of learning is, of course, of no exception. Our grandparents or even parents will be so surprised to see what we are using nowadays to learn the knowledge. Mp3s and CD players are already a little bit old-fashioned as Mp4s and video players are prevailing through the market. However, can the magic technology really improve the effect of learning by presenting the students with more information in a shorter time? My answer is a pessimistic, no.

Technology, especially the internet, does offer a great range of information. But not all these information is instructive to the students. What is more, some of the websites are doing nothing but misleading. Students without a certain ability to judge right from wrong is therefore, likely to fall into dangerous troubles. Some statistics are incorrectly recorded, and some concepts and theories are not accurately interpreted. There are even quite a few unhealthy websites, which will definitely lure the unsophisticated young students into a wrong direction.

The students are usually so unsophisticated that they are not only easily lured but also cannot control themselves well enough. Rather than possessing a more convenient source of receiving useful information, having the access to the internet, to many of them, only means being able to chitchatting or playing video games any time they want. Many parents are worrying about this and this concern is by no means groundless.

In addition, it is impossible to shorten the process of learning simply with the help of some technology. Learning is an arduous journey, and only those who keep on trying in spite of countless times of failure and frustration will arrive at the final destination. Advanced technology may give us a new media or means to achieve our goals, but it can never replace our own efforts. It is eventually our perspective and intelligence that enable us to fully understand a certain problem.

While I am using the fruit of modern technology right now by typing my essay on the computer, I still insist that it is my own thoughts and understanding that produce the essay and that the process of thinking how to present my ideas did take me a while. Therefore, I have to disagree with the title statement.

 

沙发
发表于 2007-3-14 22:17:00 | 只看该作者
没什么明显的错误。结构也比较好。词汇运用也不错。缺点是语言有些冗赘,每句话都写得很长了也不好。It is no exaggeration to say that almost every respect of our life has been changed profoundly thanks to the scientific and technological innovations. 比如说这句话读起来就感觉不很舒服。虽然语法运用得不错。本人水平极为有限,多多指正
[此贴子已经被作者于2007-3-14 22:17:17编辑过]
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-3-15 19:14:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢指点 的确觉得有这个问题  CD真好!

地板
发表于 2007-3-15 21:32:00 | 只看该作者
第一段末可以提示下全文结构吧,使你的文章结构更清晰,让rater知道你接下来要说什么,这样就算某些词句写错,也不会让rater产生歧意. 从李笑来老师课上听来的^_^ 不过楼主已经写的很好了,我几次下决心想写一篇完整的作文,都没成功 你怎么做到的一天2篇啊...
5#
发表于 2007-3-15 22:35:00 | 只看该作者

写的很好哦,用词很流畅

 

 

6#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-3-16 20:56:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用蔷薇泡沫tina在2007-3-15 21:32:00的发言:
第一段末可以提示下全文结构吧,使你的文章结构更清晰,让rater知道你接下来要说什么,这样就算某些词句写错,也不会让rater产生歧意. 从李笑来老师课上听来的^_^ 不过楼主已经写的很好了,我几次下决心想写一篇完整的作文,都没成功 你怎么做到的一天2篇啊...

恩 谢谢你!我发现我的作文好象第一段都没这种总起式的概括的

其实写两篇也就1个小时呀  严格限制时间 这样写起来就感觉没多久就完成任务拉哈 而且每天坚持会有成就感的

我现在是这样 每天朗读笑来185篇范文里的10篇 然后从这10篇里挑2个题目自己来写 一般都挑和他观点不同的 或者不太能把握住他整体思路的

也只是尝试 不知道是不是有用 也不知道能坚持多久

一起加油吧!

BTW  我阅读听力都好久没练了呢 诶...

7#
发表于 2007-3-16 21:30:00 | 只看该作者

恩恩,我也要试试,明天说什么都要写一篇出来咯,加油加油^_^

8#
发表于 2007-3-18 17:11:00 | 只看该作者
Technology, especially the internet, does offer a great range of information. But not all these information is instructive to the students. but不能做句子的开头~~FANBOYS都不行~~~
9#
发表于 2007-3-18 19:38:00 | 只看该作者

1: However
   Mp3s and CD players which are used in learing are already a little bit old-fashioned as Mp4s and video players are prevailing through the market.

2:being able to chitchatting or playing video

3:Learning is an arduous journey of which there is no short cut,and only those who keep on trying in spite of countless times of failure and frustration will arrive at

1和3是我的个人观点,觉得这样好像和前文更连贯一点......不对请指出。


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-3-18 19:39:43编辑过]
10#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-3-18 20:15:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用nicol108在2007-3-18 17:11:00的发言:
Technology, especially the internet, does offer a great range of information. But not all these information is instructive to the students. but不能做句子的开头~~FANBOYS都不行~~~

什么是FANBOY呀?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

近期活动

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2025-6-30 13:21
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2025 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部