[原创]努力再写第三篇twe25

xiaolongxia

It has recently been announced that a large shopping center may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Recently, a piece of news announced that a large shopping center will be built in my neighborhood. Some people advocate the plan, holding the opinion that city economy will increase thanks to the new Shopping center. However, other people doubt that whether it is a wise choice to build such a shopping mall. As my point of view, I think building a new shopping center bring more benefit to our city.

Firstly, the new shopping mall will provide a great deal of job opportunity. There a large number

of people unemployed in our city due to fewer job vacancy. An increasing number of citizens migrate to large city to pursue decent job. While, if we build a new shopping center, majority of unemployed people can find their new job such as shop accouter, guardsmen and so forth. Hence, people don't have to move to another city to struggle for the food and shelter they need. As the result, unemployment in our city will reduce by large.

There's no doubt that new shopping center brings about plenty of convenience. In the past, people have no alternative but to drive long hours to nearby city to buy food, which waste much time. On the contrary, this problem can be easily solved by the new setting shop. People can go shopping with friends or family any time if they want. More over, it is more convenient to get refund or change for goods.

And most important, it is a good way to save money. That because the shopping center supply amount of quality commodity in reasonable price. Besides, people don't have to spend so much money on transportation as before.

Though the plan also carries along some minor drawback; such as crowd ness and traffic jam. Overall, benefit is outweighing than the disadvantages. I expect the promising future of our city thanks to the new shopping mall.

xiaolongxia

写完了第三篇，还是超时了，很郁闷

xiaolongxia

字数少，速度慢，使我的两大硬伤阿。请同学点评，谢谢

Joypan

以下是引用xiaolongxia在2006-11-28 21:18:00的发言：

It has recently been announced that a large shopping center may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Recently, a piece of news announced that a large shopping center will be built in my neighborhood. Some people advocate the plan, holding the opinion that city economy will increase thanks（ ？）to the new Shopping center. However,（这个地方转的不是很好。这个词用的唐突了。）
                        other people doubt that whether it is a wise choice to build such a shopping mall（这个句子就这样完了？）. As my point of view, I think building a new shopping center bring more benefit to our city（这个句子也感觉没完整。句子是讲究结构的对称性的。MM再想想）.

Firstly（这个词少用）, the new shopping mall will provide a great deal of job opportunity（语法有问题）. There （？）a large number of people unemployed（这个词放这里读起来别扭~） in our city due to fewer job vacancy. An increasing number of citizens migrate to large city（？） to pursue decent job. While, if we build a new shopping center, majority of unemployed people can find their new job such as shop accouter, guardsmen and so forth（累赘，这样的短语少用）. Hence, people don't （这样的拼法别出现）have to move to another city（？） to struggle for the food and shelter （？）they need. As the result, unemployment in our city will reduce （语法有误）by large.

There's（要写全了。别省略写） no doubt that new shopping center brings about plenty of convenience. In the past, people have no alternative but to drive long hours to nearby city to buy food, which waste much time（指代不明）. On the contrary, this problem can be easily solved by the new setting shop. People can go shopping with friends or family（？） any time if they want. Moreover, it is more convenient to get refund or change for goods.

And （这个单词不要放在句首大写。不是很正规）most important, it （出现得唐突。指代不明）is a good way to save money. That because （语法不对）the shopping center supply amount of（语法不对） quality commodity in reasonable price. Besides, people don't have to spend so much money on transportation as before.

Though the plan also carries along some minor drawback（drawbacks); such as crowd ness and traffic jam. Overall(副词可以放句首，一般来说形容词不可以）, benefit is outweighing than the disadvantages. I expect the promising future of our city thanks to（太口语化） the new shopping mall.