用40分钟写出来的烂东西，请大家帮帮忙

maxthon

   In this materialistic world, people may watch profit leading increasingly. For chasing their profit only, most of people neglect the natural surroundings. However, this may not lead to good result, on the contrary, many industries who only view profit as the most important was shut down one by one. So the aim of the profit cannot be the only for the business.

   First, businesses should view environment as significant as profit. And it is the basic condition that the business would do normally. For those food industries, if they only notice the profit and neglect procedures of handling its waste, it would pollute the environment. And if they use the contaminated water to manufacture food, people who eat it may catch illness. So the people would charge the food industry to claim the compensation that maybe a huge lost for the food industry, even shut down. Obviously, destroy the environment indicates ruin yourself, not even the profit.

   Further more, the quality of production would not be ignored. It is not rare that there are some industries using some bad material in order to save their cost, and got blamed ultimately. Take the news recent for instances, the not qualified drug extensively used in the whole country, inducing many allergy symptom on the patients. Finally, through the region’s thorough overhaul improved that the drug industry adopted some cheap materials into producing, soon the president of the drug industry got suicide to concede his fault. We do not want to hear the end of the news, but it is true, and in some sense, the suicide is not only the president himself but also the whole wrong decision, using the harmful materials.

   In addition, the enterprise's inside culture, in other words, the impression left to the customers, which facilitates the progress of the business. Suppose if an industry commit the faults above, obviously no one would acquire goods from there. Notwithstanding the industry may pay a high price to build its system of processing pollution and many other facility benefited the people, it is good for the enterprise to survive for a long time, and earn more profit.

   Although the profit is imperative for the business, it is not meaning the only. And emphasize it extravagantly may conduct serious effects to the business. To sum up, if businesses

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-24 0:12:05编辑过]

备战1月

what's the topic of your issue? we can't evaluated just coming out from our predication or guess.

maxthon

do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Business should do anything they can to make a profit.Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

谢谢了。

puqiu

不错啦

Alex_yx

顶拉, 感觉LZ十分喜爱neglect, 这家伙的同义词貌似很多disregard ignore be regardless ....

还有拉， and 一般不放句首吧　用＂, and"；　第一段的时态似乎也有问题，　段末的ＳＯ是个CONJ. 最好换成therefore thus consequently等. view 的同义词 很多, 比如consider ponder 别老用一样的

And it is the basic condition that the business would do normally这句话感觉用中文翻译不错.^_6^

food 不能manufacture, 虽然是同义词, 但细小的区别还是要区分   maybe  要分开 最后一句主语宾语都是动词(错了)(用对了是句超漂亮的句子)

It is not rare that there are some industries using some bad material in order to save their cost, and got blamed ultimately. 这句感觉太罗嗦了,. 我这样写: some people or factories use something bad to cut down cost,  and at last, receive shames on themselves.

take 应该改为TAKING  这段的例子太多叙述了, 直接一句话可以带过: according to a piece of recent news, the president of XX's drug constitution has suicided due to the fault of ignorance of the medicine quality.然后再用 and 举个另外的例子感觉会更具有说服力.

Notwithstanding 这个词抄字典的吧. 建议别用, 这个意思有那么多: despite, in spite of+N.  although even though+sentence; 这个词放在那感觉就不对.

看完整个文章,1. 感觉LZ的语法有很多地方有问题, 不过这很好搞定, 另外你的意思表达得很好(我不擅长的),  很连贯.

2. 如果是3个支持分论点, 我建议将最强的一个放在第3个, 这样会有递进的感觉. 2支持1反驳 把反驳放前面.

无论如何, 文章的气(意思连贯) 和文章的形(炼词\句)都很重要 这也是我写作文所追求的, 很高兴能和楼主分享, 也希望有什么不对的地方可以和我交流~!

maxthon

Alex太感谢您了，一语中的，我语法向来很烂，如果四六级还像以前考语法的话我肯定就毁了。不过学习千万不能浮躁，必须脚踏实地，像我现在，在语法方面实在不知道该怎样改善。

谢谢你，非常感谢，我会好好修改的。