作文思路的问题（AI）

寂寞的自由

Topic: “a powerful business leader has far more opportunity to influence the course of a community or a nation than does any government official.”
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experiences, observations, or reading.

Position: In today’ high commercialised society, business leaders are gaining more and more power while the influence of public officials seem to be waning.

A.    On the one hand, business leaders through their products and service are changing every aspect of our way of life.
B.    On the other hand, even in a democratic society business leaders can secretly manipulate the process of law-making and the appointment of government leaders.
C.    However, in more traditional official-centered societies, government leaders still monopolize the power to influence the society.

我想问一下，C这个分论点，是和A，B两个论点是相对立的！！！新东方孙远的提纲是这样，但是如果真正GMAT考试中，特别是北美的机考，这样第三个分论点和自己的支持总观点不一致，那是否影响分数呢？谢谢大家的建议！！！

anchoret

那要看你的结论，如果你的结论是两头倒的，可以，但是你的on the one hand, on the other hand 用的地方不恰当，应该用于相对立的观点。

如果你的结论是支持一方的，第三点admittedly可以写，但必须是无关痛痒的，或发生概率很小的，因此被你自己反驳掉（说明你考虑成熟，不会影响分数），但是不能写那些对你支持的理由比较致命的对立观点，而且必须你要批驳掉那个观点。

另外，提出一点，第二点的secretly不恰当，显得你的论证很无力。如果一定要表达那层意思，用indirectly。

寂寞的自由

哦，谢谢楼上的斑竹！看来新东方 孙远编的《GMAT写作》也有很不完美的地方，我上面的提纲就是出自孙远的书，谢谢斑竹的建议，建议很专业哦！！！