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TWE081 作文求拍

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楼主
发表于 2006-10-25 13:25:00 | 只看该作者

TWE081 作文求拍

这次考ibt练习的第一篇习作。

没有限时,也没有查字典,自己觉得应该是目前自己的主动词汇和写作水平的真实反映。

欢迎各位T友踊跃拍砖,谢谢!

之前发在作文区没人拍,就转到这里来了。

TWE081 Has technology made the world a better place to live?

 

 

When a sword is slashed towards an enemy, it may also wound the warrior who holds that double-edged piece of weapon, sometimes seriously, or even deadly. Technology is such a double-edged sword. The recent centuries have witnessed marvelous progresses in human technology, which brought us convenience, as well as catastrophe. The vicious side-effects of a technique sometimes become so overwhelming that they outweigh the expected benefits, causing irreversible damages to our earth.

 

 

Technology is termed as applied science. However, almost every important discovery in scientific research is destined to be first applied for military purposes. Take nuclear energy as an example. Einstein's mass-energy equation was primarily practiced as the atomic bomb, which was designed to produce massive casualty in a flash of time. Such fatal weapon is never related to a better world, but always to destruction, death, and disaster. Even though controlled nuclear fission was then introduced as a civil technique for electric energy, people dwelling near a nuclear power plant were still threatened by the leakage of nuclear fuel or radioactive coolant, no matter how low the probability is supposed to be. Besides, human beings have been, during a long time, making efforts to reconstruct the environment by our cutting-edge technology. We have already got accustomed to wipe out anything thought to be an obstacle to our pursuit of a better world for us to live in. Insecticide, especially DDT, exemplifies our genius inventions that eliminate other non-harmful species, or furthermore do harm to ourselves.

 

 

Technology not only exerts direct effects on the real world but also affects the world in a virtual manner. The boom of internet has announced the advent of information age. It becomes increasingly convenient to obtain useful information, to share resources, and to achieve some previously unimaginable goals. Nevertheless, internet technology has also turned out to be a double-edged sword. Through internet, a hacker can easily steal the information of bank accounts, passwords of credit cards, and people's privacy. The security of our own information is under great danger if not properly protected. A world wide web with loop holes here and there can never be regarded as a betterment of the virtual world.

 

 

Whether technology makes the world a better place mainly depends on who use it and how it is used. The potential threat of a new technique to the world should be carefully assessed and not be ignored before it is applied in any field.

沙发
发表于 2006-10-25 14:52:00 | 只看该作者
感觉楼主写得非常好,而且很流畅
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2006-10-25 16:33:00 | 只看该作者
嗯,没有限时的关系吧。不过我很想听一些建议,比如还有什么地方需要改进的。
地板
发表于 2006-10-25 21:53:00 | 只看该作者

看了LZ的大作,汗颜^^^

我也在不限时写作中,文思冻结了上来逛逛就被上面这篇给震住了.

以偶的水平,希望将来不要作成绩percentile里的分母啊……

 

5#
发表于 2006-10-25 22:08:00 | 只看该作者

我觉得要说改进的地方就是最后两段,尤其最后一段,格式化一些比较好,重新强调一下主题,还可以给出recommendation

倒数第二段我看得迷迷糊糊,觉得和第一段之间的关系不是很明确,只是多举了一个例子。最好还是每段能有一个明确段意和整体结构的句子,写起来快一些,看得人也很容易理解

6#
 楼主| 发表于 2006-10-25 23:20:00 | 只看该作者

嗯,原本的构思是在给出一个对真实世界影响的例子以后,转而在给一个对虚拟世界影响的例子。不过,的确在承接的时候并没有很到位。我平时写文章很讨厌那种first,second,third式的八股文的,所以一直在追求一种在流畅的行文中自然地衔接过渡的风格。只不过功夫还不到家,嘻嘻。谢谢楼上中肯的建议!

7#
发表于 2006-10-26 01:21:00 | 只看该作者

望尘却步啊!!!!!

楼主的水平我不知道多久才能达到,文章难度都和我做阅读差不多了。

唉,为什么人和人之间的差距就那么大呢!!!!!

我走了,找个墙角反思去。

唉,可是一个星期后就要考了,怎样才能不至于太烂呢?

8#
发表于 2006-10-26 14:12:00 | 只看该作者

我也喜欢流畅的行文,可是水平有限,时间有限

lz水平比我强多了,但为了保证时间,还是可以用些八股文似的模式,不然前两段写得很精彩,后面草草收尾效果可能也会大打折扣

9#
发表于 2006-10-26 14:46:00 | 只看该作者

写之前写了提纲吗?

觉得总体不错, 不过内部结构再清晰点就更好了.

10#
 楼主| 发表于 2006-10-26 19:05:00 | 只看该作者
没有写提纲……基本上就是brainstorm了一下,然后就开始写了,所以也就导致了内部的结构上有些混乱。
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