不知自己水平如何，写了篇文章请大家批改，呵呵。。。

jiaotong06

现在准备11月考iBT，不知自己写作水平如何，请大家帮忙看看，先谢谢了，呵呵。。。

题目：Keeping old friends or making new friends

Friends, besides your parents and relatives, are the only people whom you can talk with and express your true feelings to. No wonder almost every person in the world has their own friends, for having a imitate friend means he won’t feel depressed and lonely. Apparently, the more friends you have, the more enjoyable you will be. As a result, instead of keeping in touch with old friends all day, I’d rather make new friends, in other word, staring a new friendship.

 

Everyone will grow up no matter you want or not. As time pass by, you will definitely move to a whole new place, which you are not accustomed to, such as a new school, a new workplace and even a entire new home. You might get completely lost and feel exceedingly nervous and scared, however, the only thing your old friends can do is to pacify you. It is at this point that you should make some new friends. It is not only the process of making a new friend can help you release your anxiety, but also your new friend is able to instruct you some conventions here and assist you to adapt to the new environment rapidly.

 

On the other hand, through the process of making new friends, you can actually acquire some skills on how to communicate with acquaintances or strangers and how to convey you feelings correctly without offending others. As communication playing a more and more crucial role in the society, these skills, consequently, are becoming more and more essential. Making a new friend is the most efficient method to attain these skills and it is these skills that are the keys which lead you to success and triumph.

 

Furthermore, having a new friend can arouse your interests in some fields you are not familiar with before, therefore having more hobbies. You won’t have a lot in common with your new friends at first especially you two might not share same interests. Talking or discussing with him, including exchange different ideas on certain areas, you may obtain totally diverse opinions, arousing your curiosity, as a result, you will have more interests and hobbies.

 

Keeping touch with old friends is necessary, whereas making some new friends is of most importance. Get ready to say hi to a stranger, he might be one of your best friends in your whole life!

水滴石穿

以下是引用jiaotong06在2006-10-16 1:54:00的发言：

现在准备11月考iBT，不知自己写作水平如何，请大家帮忙看看，先谢谢了，呵呵。。。

题目：Keeping old friends or making new friends

Friends, besides your parents and relatives, are the only people whom you can talk with and express your true feelings to. No wonder almost every person in the world has their own friends, for having a imitate friend means he won’t feel depressed and lonely. Apparently, the more friends you have, the more enjoyable you will be. As a result, instead of keeping in touch with old friends all day, I’d rather make new friends, in other word, staring friendships.

 

 

Everyone will grow up no matter you want or not. As time pass by, you will definitely move to a whole new place, where you are not accustomed to, such as a new school, a new workplace and even a entire new home. You might get completely lost and feel exceedingly nervous and scared, however, the only thing your old friends can do is to pacify you. It is at this point that you should make some new friends. It is not only the process of making a new friend  (new friends)can help you release your anxiety, but also your new friends are able to instruct you some conventions here and assist you to adapt to the new environment rapidly.

 

 

On the other hand, through the process of making new friends, you can actually acquire some skills on how to communicate with acquaintances or strangers and how to convey your feelings correctly without offending others. As communication playing a more and more crucial role in the society, these skills, consequently, are becoming more and more essential. Making a new friend is the most efficient method to attain these skills and it is these skills that are the keys which lead you to success and triumph.

 

 

Furthermore, having a new friend can arouse your interests in some fields you are not familiar with before, therefore having more hobbies. You won’t have a lot in common with your new friends at first especially you two might not share same interests. Talking or discussing with him, including exchange different ideas on certain areas, you may obtain totally diverse opinions, arousing your curiosity, as a result, you will have more interests and hobbies.

 

 

Keeping touch with old friends is necessary, whereas making some new friends is of most importance. Get ready to say hi to a stranger, he might be one of your best friends in your whole life!

jiaotong06

呵呵，多谢版主批改，能问一下版主对此文的感觉如何，有什么能改进的地方吗，非常感谢！！！

水滴石穿

够不好意思。我的写作成绩一直很低。我只是找出了你文中几处很明显的错误。这样说的我都不好意思了。

水滴石穿

    

Keeping old friends or making new friends

    

Friends,
besides your parents and relatives, are the only people whom you can talk with
and express your true feelings to. No wonder almost every person in the world
has their own friends, for having an imitate friend means
he/she(he or she)
        won’t feel depressed and lonely. Apparently,
the more friends you have, the (more enjoyable )
        happier （enjoy 只能用来形容你的某个经历，不能用来形容人物。）
            you
will be. As a result, instead of keeping in touch with old friends all day, I’d
rather make new friends, in other words, starting friendships. 
            

    

Everyone
will grow up no matter
        whether(which)应该用which, 以前是我改错了。抱歉
        you want to or not. As
time passes by, you will definitely move to a whole new place, where you are
not accustomed to, such as a new school, a new workplace and even a entire new
home. You might get completely lost and feel exceedingly nervous and scared,
however, the only thing your old friends can do is to pacify you. It is at this
point that you should make some new friends. It is not only that
        new
friends can help you release your anxiety, but also your new friends are able to
instruct you in some conventions here and assist you to
adapt to the new environment rapidly.
            

    

On the
other hand, through the process of making new friends, you can actually acquire
some skills on how to communicate with acquaintances or strangers and how to
convey your feelings correctly without offending others.
As communication is playing a more and more crucial role in the
society, these skills, consequently, are becoming more and more essential.
Making a new friend is the most efficient method to attain these skills and it
is these skills that are the keys which lead you to success and triumph.

    

Furthermore, having new friends will arouse
your interests in some fields you are not familiar with,
        （不要前面是现在时后面又加before，老外看不懂。Before前应该加过去时。）therefore
having more hobbies. You won’t have a lot in common with your new friends at first。
            Talking
or discussing with them, including exchange
different ideas on certain areas, you may obtain totally diverse opinions,
arousing your curiosity, as a result, you will have more interests and hobbies.
     

    

Keeping
touch in with old friends is necessary, whereas making some new friends is of most
importance. Get ready to say hi to a stranger, he/she ( he or she) might be
one of your best friends in your whole life!

    

 

    

Formal writing 要避免性别偏差。最好的方法是全部用复数。如friends. Them .people ……即使要用单数也要用he/she 或者he
or she.这点楼主要注意。

水滴石穿

我去找我们学校的wrting tutor帮楼主改了文章，发在5楼。里面有他给的建议，我也写下来了。总体思路还不错，只是注意语法，时态，还有单复数，避免性别偏差。现在才帮到你，希望还不晚。