申请今秋在职MBA，Essay请大家指正

pebbles

”Explain what has led you to want to pursue an MBA, particularly, why an MBA, why X, and why now? Please address your post-MBA professional goals as part of your response.“

The main reason I decide to pursue an MBA degree now is that I believe a degree and formal education in management will help me gain the ability to expand my career opportunity beyond my current engineering roles into the management of software engineering.

My post-MBA career goal is to develop my management career in the area of software engineering especially related to outsourcing and global collaboration, which has undoubtedly become vital for the software industry.  I believe my past work experience has provided me a solid foundation to develop in this area, and a formal MBA education will further enable me to achieve this career goal.

Since I graduated from school and joined in the software development industry 9 years ago, I have worked in various functional roles in the software development process: outsourced software development, software localization, software quality assurance, and most recently software development and maintenance.  This unique career path has helped me gain valuable first hand experiences in almost all the major aspects of modern software development process.  More specifically, these experiences allowed me to obtain solid understanding on how to develop software products in a team environment, how to utilize quality assurance techniques to improve and ensure the quality of software products, how to globalize and localize software products for various international regions, how to efficiently troubleshoot software product issues, and how to handle customer escalations with satisfactory.

Not only have I worked in different job roles in the past years, I have also worked in several countries and sites: Beijing in China, Oregon and Virginia in the U.S, where I involved in intensive collaboration activities with my coworkers across the globe.  I have experienced many issues in this process of global collaboration and come to understand the importance of a streamlined process for successful global collaboration effort.  For example, when I worked in the localization team in Beijing, due to insufficient documentation and proactive communication, I had to frequently request assistance from my coworkers in several countries to get my job done.  I clearly remember that back then I often need to calculate several different time zones and even remember the coffee time of the remote offices so that I can catch my coworkers, often in the early morning or late night of my local time, or I would face delays in my project due to insufficient information flow.  In another instance, my team had to ask our Japan counterparts to fax us a documentation of several hundred pages because nobody knew where the electronic version of the document was located.  All these hectic moments had taught me how important it is to streamline the collaboration process, and to respond to others’ requests promptly.  As a result, I have always applied these principles in my later jobs during which I was required to support other teams localizing products I produced, or to support customers worldwide for challenging product issues.

Having accumulated first hand experiences in the various aspects of software development and observed many issues arising from the process, I have come to realize that it is better for me to pursue my career opportunities in the management direction for software engineering than to only excel in a specific engineering role, in order to leverage my experience and strength to help organizations with software development and global collaboration activities.  A formal MBA education at this point is exactly what I need to gain fundamental understanding of business operation methodologies and management skills, which will give me the push to expand into the management direction so that I can fully utilize my strengths.
 
The X school’s Y Parttime program deeply interests me in several important aspects.  

First of all, I believe this program offers a great deal of values to me.  Although a part time program, the Y Parttime program offers me the same opportunity as of a full time student to learn from the prestige faculty members from the X school, and from the high quality course work that are designed to help students achieve success in businesses.  In addition, the X school’s Executive Partners Program allows students to receive mentoring from retired senior business executives that live in the W area.  I truly believe that interactions with these thoughtful business leaders will help me tremendously in preparing myself for a successful management career.

Secondly, the Y Parttime program’s flexible schedule and evening class time allows me to pursue my MBA degree while continuing to work full time.  This critical advantage allows me to continue my career development with my current employer, a multinational software development company, and allows me to provide stable income and important care to my family in which I am a father with two young kids.

In summary, I believe I am well prepared to start my MBA education and the X school’s Y Parttime program is the one that will give me a high quality MBA education to enable me to achieve my career goal in management of software engineering, and at the same time will allow me to fulfill my responsibility with my family.

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-6-11 10:50:47编辑过]

pebbles

好不容易才写出了这首稿，7月15申请截至。请大家拍砖帮助。

yorkzhong

以下是引用pebbles在2006-6-11 9:58:00的发言：
”Explain what has led you to want to pursue an MBA, particularly, why an MBA, why X, and why now? Please address your post-MBA professional goals as part of your response.“

The main reason I decide to pursue an MBA degree now is that I believe a degree and formal education in management will help me gain the ability to expand my career opportunity beyond my current engineering roles into the management of software engineering.这句话稍嫌啰嗦，其实就说明了一个意思 - I want to change my career from engineer to management.

My post-MBA career goal is to develop my management career in the area of software engineering especially related to outsourcing and global collaboration(与上面重复), which has undoubtedly become vital for the software industry.  I believe my past work experience has provided me a solid foundation to develop in this area, and a formal MBA education will further enable me to achieve this career goal.(again, no new information from this whole 段落)

Since I graduated from school and joined in the software development industry 9 years ago, I have worked in various functional roles in the software development process: outsourced software development, software localization, software quality assurance, and most recently software development and maintenance.  This unique(why it's unique? I didn't see) career path has helped me gain valuable first hand experiences in almost all the major aspects of modern software development process.  More specifically, these experiences allowed me to obtain solid understanding on how to develop software products in a team environment, how to utilize quality assurance techniques to improve and ensure the quality of software products, how to globalize and localize software products for various international regions, how to efficiently troubleshoot software product issues, and how to handle customer escalations with satisfactory. (整个一段说明了你会干什么可是别人不知道你干得到底好不好，你跟其它的software engineer相比那里做得更好呢?)

Not only have I worked in different job roles in the past years, I have also worked in several countries and sites: Beijing in China, Oregon and Virginia in the U.S, where I involved in intensive collaboration activities with my coworkers across the globe.  I have experienced many issues in this process of global collaboration and come to understand the importance of a streamlined process for successful global collaboration effort.  For example, when I worked in the localization team in Beijing, due to insufficient documentation and proactive communication, I had to frequently request assistance from my coworkers in several countries to get my job done.  I clearly remember that back then I often need to calculate several different time zones and even remember the coffee time of the remote offices so that I can catch my coworkers, often in the early morning or late night of my local time, or I would face delays in my project due to insufficient information flow.  In another instance, my team had to ask our Japan counterparts to fax us a documentation of several hundred pages because nobody knew where the electronic version of the document was located.  All these hectic moments had taught me how important it is to streamline the collaboration process, and to respond to others’ requests promptly.  As a result, I have always applied these principles in my later jobs during which I was required to support other teams localizing products I produced, or to support customers worldwide for challenging product issues.（你描述了一个mess, 但是没有告诉大家你是怎么解决的, Solving the problem is much more important than describing the problem）

Having accumulated first hand experiences in the various aspects of software development and observed many issues arising from the process, I have come to realize that it is better for me to pursue my career opportunities in the management direction for software engineering than to only excel in a specific engineering role, in order to leverage my experience and strength to help organizations with software development and global collaboration activities.  A formal MBA education at this point is exactly what I need to gain fundamental understanding of business operation methodologies and management skills, which will give me the push to expand into the management direction so that I can fully utilize my strengths.(你为什么要做software management呢？有什么东西、情况、思想、变化导致你的这一想法呢？)

 
The X school’s Y Parttime program deeply interests me in several important aspects.  

First of all, I believe this program offers a great deal of values to me（此句可删除）.  Although a part time program（为什么要用although?给人一种不情愿的感觉）, the Y Parttime program offers me the same opportunity as of a full time student to learn from the prestige faculty members from the X school, and from the high quality course work that are designed to help students achieve success in businesses.  In addition, the X school’s Executive Partners Program allows students to receive mentoring from retired senior business executives that live in the W area.  I truly believe that interactions with these thoughtful business leaders will help me tremendously in preparing myself for a successful management career.

Secondly, the Y Parttime program’s flexible schedule and evening class time allows me to pursue my MBA degree while continuing to work full time.  This critical advantage allows me to continue my career development with my current employer, a multinational software development company, and allows me to provide stable income and important care to my family in which I am a father with two young kids.

In summary, I believe I am well prepared to start my MBA education and the X school’s Y Parttime program is the one that will give me a high quality MBA education to enable me to achieve my career goal in management of software engineering, and at the same time will allow me to fulfill my responsibility with my family.

般门弄一把斧子(F..., 荷兰刚刚射入一球)，偶很直接LZ别骂我

pebbles

谢谢 yorkzhong 的指点。直接就好。兄弟的指点我会先记下来，等请别人Review完后一并调整。还差两篇没写呢.下面一些解释，还请兄弟和大家继续指正：

”Explain what has led you to want to pursue an MBA,
particularly, why an MBA, why X, and why now? Please address your
post-MBA professional goals as part of your response.“

The main
reason I decide to pursue an MBA degree now is that I believe a degree
and formal education in management will help me gain the ability to
expand my career opportunity beyond my current engineering roles into
the management of software engineering.这句话稍嫌啰嗦，其实就说明了一个意思 - I want to change my career from engineer to management.
同意，但是兄弟的太简洁了，不好凑800字啊？

My
post-MBA career goal is to develop my management career in the area of
software engineering especially related to outsourcing and global
collaboration(与上面重复),这里主要区别在我写出自己的稍具体一些的目标，想了好久才凑出来的。
 which has
undoubtedly become vital for the software industry.  I believe my past
work experience has provided me a solid foundation to develop in this
area, and a formal MBA education will further enable me to achieve this
career goal.(again, no new information from this whole 段落)
提到了一点工作经验，为下面引个头

Since
I graduated from school and joined in the software development industry
9 years ago, I have worked in various functional roles in the software
development process: outsourced software development, software
localization, software quality assurance, and most recently software
development and maintenance.  This unique(why it's unique? I didn't see)
  
一般人只作一个工种的，我做过3个
career path has helped me gain valuable first hand experiences in
almost all the major aspects of modern software development process. 
More specifically, these experiences allowed me to obtain solid
understanding on how to develop software products in a team
environment, how to utilize quality assurance techniques to improve and
ensure the quality of software products, how to globalize and localize
software products for various international regions, how to efficiently
troubleshoot software product issues, and how to handle customer
escalations with satisfactory. (整个一段说明了你会干什么可是别人不知道你干得到底好不好，你跟其它的software engineer相比那里做得更好呢?)
这里我主要写不同的经验让我对软件开发行业有个较全面的了解，我没想写做的多么好。

Not
only have I worked in different job roles in the past years, I have
also worked in several countries and sites: Beijing in China, Oregon
and Virginia in the U.S, where I involved in intensive collaboration
activities with my coworkers across the globe.  I have experienced many
issues in this process of global collaboration and come to understand
the importance of a streamlined process for successful global
collaboration effort.  For example, when I worked in the localization
team in Beijing, due to insufficient documentation and proactive
communication, I had to frequently request assistance from my coworkers
in several countries to get my job done.  I clearly remember that back
then I often need to calculate several different time zones and even
remember the coffee time of the remote offices so that I can catch my
coworkers, often in the early morning or late night of my local time,
or I would face delays in my project due to insufficient information
flow.  In another instance, my team had to ask our Japan counterparts
to fax us a documentation of several hundred pages because nobody knew
where the electronic version of the document was located.  All these
hectic moments had taught me how important it is to streamline the
collaboration process, and to respond to others’ requests promptly.  As
a result, I have always applied these principles in my later jobs
during which I was required to support other teams localizing products
I produced, or to support customers worldwide for challenging product
issues.（你描述了一个mess, 但是没有告诉大家你是怎么解决的, Solving the problem is much more important than describing the problem）
同意，这个Mess最后就是靠Fax解决的，不过如你所说，可能不是一个有力的例子，我再挖掘一些

Having
accumulated first hand experiences in the various aspects of software
development and observed many issues arising from the process, I have
come to realize that it is better for me to pursue my career
opportunities in the management direction for software engineering than
to only excel in a specific engineering role, in order to leverage my
experience and strength to help organizations with software development
and global collaboration activities.  A formal MBA education at this
point is exactly what I need to gain fundamental understanding of
business operation methodologies and management skills, which will give
me the push to expand into the management direction so that I can fully
utilize my strengths.(你为什么要做software management呢？有什么东西、情况、思想、变化导致你的这一想法呢？)

 
The X school’s Y Parttime program deeply interests me in several important aspects.  

First of all, I believe this program offers a great deal of values to me（此句可删除）.  Although a part time program（为什么要用although?给人一种不情愿的感觉）
同意，有更好的表达方式吗？我主要想说在职有这么多好处（见2）但也像全职一样正规。
,
the Y Parttime program offers me the same opportunity as of a full time
student to learn from the prestige faculty members from the X school,
and from the high quality course work that are designed to help
students achieve success in businesses.  In addition, the X school’s
Executive Partners Program allows students to receive mentoring from
retired senior business executives that live in the W area.  I truly
believe that interactions with these thoughtful business leaders will
help me tremendously in preparing myself for a successful management
career.

Secondly, the Y Parttime program’s flexible schedule
and evening class time allows me to pursue my MBA degree while
continuing to work full time.  This critical advantage allows me to
continue my career development with my current employer, a
multinational software development company, and allows me to provide
stable income and important care to my family in which I am a father
with two young kids.

In summary, I believe I am well prepared to
start my MBA education and the X school’s Y Parttime program is the one
that will give me a high quality MBA education to enable me to achieve
my career goal in management of software engineering, and at the same
time will allow me to fulfill my responsibility with my family.

欢迎大家继续指正啊！

PS：很喜欢荷兰队的全功全守打法，只是对球队体力要求很高啊，今天后半截似乎有些吃力。不过还是一流强队。尤其有我最喜欢的球星巴斯滕作教练。看完世界杯比赛今天踢球也长点感觉啊

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-6-14 23:17:07编辑过]