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入画

9.“Employees should keep their private lives and personal activities as separate as possible from the workplace.”

Should employees keep their private lives and personal activities as separate as possible from the workplace as the speaker stated? This is a complex problem and has always arouses controversy. Whereas some people may contends that employees should keep their private lives and personal activities sepearate from the workplace, others may hold a view that employees should not intrude their private lives and personal activities into work because doing so will build collegiality. Recognizing a proper solution to this problem could only be achieved by incorporating all the relevant aspects of the problem, I will present my view favoring the speaker’s opinion.

My main reason to support the speaker is that seperating private lives and personal activities from workplace will make  employees more concentrate on their work, thus they will not distracted by some trifles, such as what to eat or how to spend the night, things irelevant to the work. For example, if an employee makes personal phone call in the work hour, the company may at the same time lose the opportunity to make business. In the short- run, this employess make the company lose money. In the long-run, these bahaviors will devastate the whole company’s reputation, thus making this company in a disadvantage in the vigorously competitive market. Only if all the employees are focus on their work will they increase the whole productivity. Only if the productivity of one business has a trend of increase could this business gain a competitive advantage against other competitors. Only if one business win a competitive advantage could it maximize profits.

My second reason to support the speaker is that integrating emplyees’ personal lives into workplace will influence other employees and may have a nagative effect. For example, talking something about private lives or personal acitivites may possibly make the relationship between employer and employees or employee between employee more than the relationship of friends rather than that of collegues. In consequeses, the fairness of the management may be in danger.

My dissenters may argue that employees intergrating their personal lives and activities with work will build collegiality. However, this result can also be get by other ways, such as holding parties in after-work time.

In final analysis, because of the above-mentioned reasons, which probably interweave into an organic whole and become more compelling, we are safely arrived at the conclusion that employees should keep their private lives and personal activities as separate as possible from the workplace.

另外，我想把字数再写多一些，请问大家认为应该在什么地方展开呢？我的字数总是上不去。

laihong

以下是引用入画在2006-3-6 21:17:00的发言：

9.“Employees should keep their private lives and personal activities as separate as possible from the workplace.”

Should employees keep their private lives and personal activities as separate as possible from the workplace as the speaker stated? This is a complex problem and has always arouses 分词controversy. Whereas some people may contends 复数that employees should keep their private lives and personal activities sepearate from the workplace, others may hold a view that employees should not intrude their private lives and personal activities into work because doing so will build collegiality. Recognizing a proper solution to 你在下面根本没有说解决方案.this problem could only be achieved by incorporating all the relevant aspects of the problem, I will present my view favoring the speaker’s opinion.

My main reason to support the speaker is that seperating private lives and personal activities from workplace will make  employees more concentrate on their work, thus they will not distracted 少了BE动词by some trifles, such as what to eat or how to spend the night, things irelevant to the work. For example, if an employee makes personal phone call in the work hour, the company may at the same time lose the opportunity to make business. In the short- run, this employess make the company lose money. In the long-run, these bahaviors will devastate the whole company’s reputation, thus making this company in a disadvantage in the vigorously competitive market.你的论证不好,因为你前面的理由说的是员工更能集中, 所以你应该证明为什么更集中. Only if all the employees are focus on their work will they increase the whole productivity. Only if the productivity of one business has a trend of increase could this business gain a competitive advantage against other competitors. Only if one business win a competitive advantage could it maximize profits. 这三个词用得太轻率了,如果你要说"只有", 那么你必须证明为什么只有,否则就显得你逻辑关系不强.

My second reason to support the speaker is that integrating emplyees’ personal lives into workplace will influence other employees and may have a nagative effect. For example, talking something about private lives or personal acitivites may possibly make the relationship between employer and employees or employee between employee more than the relationship of friends rather than that of collegues. In consequeses, the fairness of the management may be in danger.同样有问题

My dissenters may argue that employees intergrating their personal lives and activities with work will build collegiality. 你把这句话证明一下啊, 才觉得你言之有理,字数也够了.However, this result can also be get by other ways, such as holding parties in after-work time. 同样这句也该通过理由和例子证明.

In final analysis, because of the above-mentioned reasons, which probably interweave into an organic whole and become more compelling, we are safely arrived at the conclusion that employees should keep their private lives and personal activities as separate as possible from the workplace.

另外，我想把字数再写多一些，请问大家认为应该在什么地方展开呢？我的字数总是上不去。

入画

谢谢 LAIHONG

怎样才能有效的提高作文呢？做到你所说的那样？看范文吗？

laihong

其实写作很容易，只要写作的时候，言之有理就行。换句话说，你每写一句话都要注意这句话的目的是什么？与前面的语言有联系吗？

如果你在北京，可以给我联系。