[求助]各位大侠请指点一下我的作文，谢谢啦

smartapple

最近打算重新考TOEFL， N年前曾经考过，TWE部分没有好好准备只得了3.5分。这次希望分数好看一点

所以打算每天拿旧试题练习文笔

各位大侠帮忙看看今天写的一篇作文，约370个单词。请给些意见哦。谢谢啦



some people like to study alone, but the others prefer to study with groups. which one do you prefer?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Everyone has his own preference when it comes to the study. Some may
feel like studying alone, some may feel like studying in a group. As
far as I am concerned, I would choose the latter.



From my own experience, it would be so boring to study alone. Just
imagine you lock yourself up in a small room, and try to solve all
these tricky mathematical puzzles. Don't you feel you are left alone by
the whole world? Believe me, it is not such pleasant experience. On the
contrary, you may find study such an enjoyable activity when you do it
together with other people. Exchanging ideas between group members
would add some much fun to the learning process. It is impossible that
you would get bored when you are in a group.



Another reason I don't prefer studying alone is that I always have
trouble concentrating on the textbook for long hours without anyone
else keeping my company. Whenever I encounter any problem in
understanding the materials, I would feel upset and even lose my
temper. Shall I have some friends by my side at these difficult times,
I would turn to them for help, and it proves beneficial everytime.
There is an old Chinese saying which reads: three fools combined are
wiser than one intelligent person. I find it true when it is applied to
the case of study



The most significant advantage of studying in a group is the
efficiency. When you are in a group, you would be so constantly
inspired by other members that you find yourself tend to be more
creative-thinking. By raising and discussing questions, sharing ideas,
you would probably find the difficult stuff become much easier for you
to comprehend. In the end, it turns out that you spend much less time
in the learning than when you have to study alone.



Studying in a group would cultivate many good virtues like teamwork,
leadership, etc. All these virtues are so crucial to your successful
career in the future.



It is true that studying alone has its own benefits. People who are
used to studying by themselves are often found to be more independent
and flexible than others. Nevertheless,  I would rather study in a
group than study alone as the former approach provides me with the fun,
efficiency and team-spirit which I treasure the most

likui

以下是引用smartapple在2006-1-3 23:56:00的发言：
some people like to study alone, but the others prefer to study with groups. which one do you prefer?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone has his own preference when it comes to the study.（to the style of study）Some may
feel like studying alone, some (others)may feel like studying in a group. As
far as I am concerned, I would choose the latter.

From my own experience, it would be so boring to study alone. Just
imagine you lock yourself up in a small room, and try to solve all
these tricky mathematical puzzles. Don't you feel you are left alone by
the whole world? Believe me, it is not such pleasant experience. On the
contrary, you may find （that）study （is）such an enjoyable activity when you do it
together with other people. Exchanging ideas between group members
would add some much fun to the learning process. It is impossible that
you would get bored when you are in a group.

最好不要用you，因为阅卷老师可能很享受独自研究数学难题。

Another reason I don't prefer studying alone is that I always have
trouble concentrating on the textbook for long hours without anyone
else keeping my company. Whenever I encounter any problem in
understanding the materials, I would feel upset and even lose my
temper. Shall I have some friends by my side at these difficult times,
I would turn to them for help, and it proves beneficial everytime.
There is an old Chinese saying which reads: three fools combined are
wiser than one intelligent person. I find it true when it is applied to
the case of study


The most significant advantage of studying in a group is the
efficiency. When you are in a group, you would be so constantly
inspired by other members that you find yourself tend to be more
creative-thinking. By raising and discussing questions, sharing ideas,
you would probably find the difficult stuff become much easier for you
to comprehend. In the end, it turns out that you spend much less time
in the learning than when you have to study alone.


Admittedly, it is also true that studying alone has its own benefits. People who are
used to studying by themselves are often found to be more independent
and flexible than others. However, studying in a group would cultivate many good virtues like (such as)teamwork, leadership, etc. All these virtues are so crucial to your successful career in the future.

In sum,...总结上文的支持观点是必须的。

头尾改了一下。总体感觉，理由分割不清。

原文理由1和理由2的方向趋同，可以归纳并成一段。一起学适合你的性格，使你可以更集中的学习，从而提高效率。

而理由3要突出[学术上的受益]，譬如可以说你的同学有更多的资源可以分享，他们的new ideas总能使你眼前一亮。

最好举个自己实际的例子。

原文最后写得很零碎。最后一定要总结，小让步要放在倒数第二段。

再写几篇，肯定有进步的。加油哦！

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-1-9 16:48:15编辑过]

smartapple

Thanks a lot!

smartapple

Please give me some advice for my writing for this topic:

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do
you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.

---

In the
past, students are not supposed to question or evaluate their teachers. But the
trend is different nowadays. More and more colleges, universities even high
schools introduce a performance evaluation system in which students are allowed
to evaluate their teachers. The new approach seems appealing to me.

In the
educational system, students are the consumers who pay money for the education
they receive from their teachers. As the old saying goes, the consumers are
always Gods. Such rule can be well applied to the area of teaching and
learning. With the tuition fees paid, the students shall be entitled to the privilege
of questioning and criticizing the quality of their teachers. In ancient China, students
who dared to challenge their teachers’ authority were regarded as rebellious
and even punished. As a result, students tended to be obedient, and the complaint
of their teachers was the last thing on their mind. In the modern China, such
tradition has gradually dissolved and students in more and more schools are
encouraged to give their feedback regarding the teachers’ performance.  

One obvious
advantage of this approach is to keep the reasonable pressure on the teachers, so
that they would be informed of and able to improve their weakness in the area such
as teaching methods, attitudes towards students, languages, manner, etc. In my
junior year, the university students were asked to fill up a form to evaluate the
individual teachers. A few weeks later, we’ve noticed the varying degree of
changes in the performance of most teachers. One young teacher whom once taught
me used to have bad temper which sometimes embarrassed his students. After the
survey, he became a kind man and showed much greater patience when answering
whatever questions from his students. Obviously the feedback mechanism works to
the benefit of the students.

Admittedly,
the negative effect of evaluation mechanism cannot be ignored. In some cases,
the students might give unfair evaluation to the teachers due to various
reasons. That might cost the teachers their precious job which is absolutely
not expected. However, such events rarely occur as most students are honest and
trustworthy.

In summary,
the evaluation system is a favorable measure as it not only compels teachers to
constantly improve their teaching quality, but also effectively enhances the
mutual understanding between students and teachers. I would definitely vote for
it.

likui

Please give me some advice for my writing for this topic:

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do
you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.

---

In the past, students are not supposed to question or evaluate their teachers. But the
trend is different nowadays. More and more colleges, universities even high
schools introduce a performance evaluation system in which students are allowed
to evaluate their teachers. ^(这里可以再套一句套话,省时又省力)The new approach seems appealing to me.

In the educational system, students are the consumers who pay money for the education
they receive from their teachers. As the old saying goes, the consumers are
always Gods. (Consumers are God.) Such rule can be well applied to the area of teaching and
learning. With the tuition fees paid, the students shall be entitled to the privilege
(have rights to do sth.) of questioning and criticizing the quality of their teachers. ^(缺一句过渡,For instance, even though) In ancient China, students who dared to challenge their teachers' authority were regarded as rebellious and even punished. As a result, students tended to be obedient, and the complaint
of their teachers was the last thing on their mind. (However,) In the modern China, such
(a) tradition has gradually dissolved and students in more and more schools are
encouraged to give their feedback regarding the (on)teachers' performance.  

(In addition,) One obvious advantage of this approach is to keep the reasonable pressure on the teachers, so
that they would be informed of and able to improve their weakness in the area such
as teaching methods, attitudes towards students, languages, manner, etc. (informed of their weakness in... and then take efforts to improve) In my
junior year, the university students (we) were asked to fill up a form to evaluate the
individual teachers. A few weeks later, we've noticed the varying degree of
changes in the performance of most teachers. One young teacher whom once taught
me used to have bad temper which sometimes embarrassed his students. After the
survey, he became a kind man and showed much greater patience when answering
whatever questions from his students. (One young teacher changed his temper that he became much more patient to answer whatever questions from his students), Obviously the feedback mechanism works to
the benefit of the students.(and students benefit.)

Admittedly, the negative effect of evaluation mechanism cannot be ignored. In some cases,
the students might give unfair evaluation to the teachers due to various
reasons. That might cost the teachers their precious job which is absolutely
not expected. However, such events rarely occur as most students are honest and
trustworthy.

In summary, the evaluation system is a favorable measure as it not only compels teachers to
constantly improve their teaching quality, but also effectively enhances the mutual understanding between students and teachers. I would definitely vote for
it.

写得不错，有进步！

smartapple

受益匪浅.谢谢版主的热心指教！

smartapple

My writing for TWE174 is as following. Would like to have any advice! Thanks in advance.

TWE174 Every
generation of people is different in important ways. How is your generation
different from your parents'
generation? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Every
generation has different viewpoints towards their life and the world. And the
different viewpoints are the cause of conflicts of different generations.
As far as I'm concerned, I've noticed some major difference in the point of
views between generations. And I would elaborate them in the following.

People
in their mid-age tend to be more economical than the younger people. Older
people would save more money to the bank and spend less in their daily life.
For example, some older people may save half of their salary to the bank every
month, while younger people may only save 10 percent of what they've earned. Old
generations think it important to save money to prepare for rainy days in the
future. In contrast, young people are confident of their money-making ability,
therefore they don't mind spending more in the luxury products like cars,
brand watches, cosmetics, etc.

People
of the old generation are more faithful to their job and company than the
youngsters and they don't feel like changing their jobs frequently. In the
past, people tend to stay in the same company for at least ten years or even
longer time. The reason is that they prefer a stable job and steady income
which is crucial to their family. However, young people are more picky in their
job. Should they find the job is not well-paid or not offering big opportunity,
they would not hesitate to quit that job and look for a new one, even if the temporary
unemployment would bring some inconvenience to their life for a while.

In
the old days, people preferred to cook at home and seldom ate in the
restaurants. The trend is quite different nowadays, particularly so for
residents in big cities. As the pace of life is fast in the modern city, it
becomes increasingly hard for young people to find time for cooking. As a
result, they opt for eating out in nearby restaurants or food stands. In their
opinion, they would rather spend the time doing things related to their job and
career than spending time cooking a meal. Furthermore, by having dinner in the
restaurants, they help create more job opportunity for the chefs in the food
industry.

It
is quite natural for people from different generations to hold different views
towards some specific issues in life as their opinion are often influenced by
the ever-changing society. But the core values always remain the same. For
example, every generation has the same passion for their life and would like to
devote themselves to the development of the society so that the world is a better place to live in.

likui

My writing for TWE174 is as following. Would like to have any advice! Thanks in advance.
TWE174 Every generation of people is different in important ways. How is your generation
different from your parents' generation? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Every generation has different viewpoints towards their (太明显的语法问题) life and the world. And the
different viewpoints are the cause of conflicts of different generations.
As far as I'm concerned, I've noticed some major difference in the point of
views between generations. And I would elaborate them in the following.

(加一句，标个顺序呢，这样可以充字数，读起来也有逻辑）People in their mid-age tend to be more economical than the younger people. Older people would save more money to the bank and spend less in their daily life.
For example, some older people may save half of their salary to the bank every
month, while younger people may only save 10 percent of what they've earned. Old
generations think it important to save money to prepare for rainy days in the
future. In contrast, young people are confident of their money-making ability,
therefore they don't mind spending more in the luxury products like cars,
brand watches, cosmetics, etc.

(...)People of the old generation are more faithful to their job and company than the
youngsters and they don't feel like changing their jobs frequently. In the
past, people tend to stay in the same company for at least ten years or even
longer time. The reason is that they prefer a stable job and steady income
which is crucial to their family. However, young people are more picky in their
job. Should they find the job is not well-paid or not offering big opportunity,
they would not hesitate to quit that job and look for a new one, even if the temporary
unemployment would bring some inconvenience to their life for a while.

(...)In
the old days, people preferred to cook at home and seldom ate in the
restaurants. The trend is quite different nowadays, particularly so for
residents in big cities. As the pace of life is fast in the modern city, it
becomes increasingly hard for young people to find time for cooking. As a
result, they opt for eating out in nearby restaurants or food stands. In their
opinion, they would rather spend the time doing things related to their job and
career than spending time cooking a meal. Furthermore, by having dinner in the
restaurants, they help create more job opportunity for the chefs in the food
industry.

(加个“总之”什么的吧，让阅卷者知道这篇批完了吗，心满意足地奔向next；不要看完这段有“嘎然而止”的感觉)It is quite natural for people from different generations to hold different views towards some specific issues in life as their opinion are often influenced by
the ever-changing society. But the core values always remain the same. For
example, every generation has the same passion for their life and would like to
devote themselves to the development of the society so that the world is a better place to live in. (重在总结，而不是深化)

看了一下；最后改一改。[理由三]觉得有点别扭。

加油，继续写。