AA013,请教NN,快来看看吧，谢谢阿！

crystalwansui

大家好，这是我的一篇作文，请求nn们指点，感激之至。

另外，我还有一个问题，我每次写，差不多写四段，就觉得时间不够了，写两个问题可不可以阿？就拿这篇说吧，我还想到有个可攻击的地方就是，这是咖啡馆去年的调查，可能今年的经济情况已经不同，所以不适用。但是我觉得我写三段，时间就不够了，要不要写很多阿，你看我的两段说明够不够有说服力阿？谢谢!

13. The following appeared as part of a campaign to sell advertising time on a local radio station to local businesses.

“The Cumquat Cafe began advertising on our local radio station this year and was delighted to see its business increase by 10 percent over last year’s totals. Their success shows you how you can use radio advertising to make your business more profitable.”

The argument claims that making advertise by using radio successfully could lead to increasing profit. To support this conclusion, the author give an example that the Cumquat Café began advertising on the local radio station this year and consequently increased their profit by 10 percent over last year’s totals. However, Such an unconvinced instance could show nothing to determine the correctness of conclusion. We can understand how groundless this conclusion is due to the following reasonable analysis.

First, the author made a false analogy between the business of the Cumquat Café and of other industries. The success of Cumquat café could not represent that making advertising on local radio station could give the same success to other business organizations. Each business has different characteristics of industry and target customers. It is likely that these target customers of a company has never listening radios. So what is the effect of making advertising in radio stations? Hence, problems such as these indicate that the difference among industries are relevant to the likelihood that other companies will experience the same consequence if they adopts the Cumquat Café’s strategies.

Second, the author does not address with the cause of the increased profits of the Cumquat Café but merely assumes that making advertisement on local radio station could enlarge the café’s profit. Yet , no evidence is mentioned in the argument to buttress this assumption. If we suppose that the Cumquat Café made an innovation of organization and consequently lowered much proportion of human costs and material costs last year, this innovation also could contribute to increasing profits and thus the café had sufficient capital to enlarge its business. To analysis the reason of increasing business, we need more detailed information such as analyzing its financial statements or talking with the senior management. However, under this insufficient information supplied by this argument, we could not make a definitely conclusion whether advertising on local radio station could increase café’s profit. If this is not the key reason to increasing profit, how can we introduce this proposal to other industry?

To sum up, this argument fails to provide ample justification to convince us that making advertisement on locale radio station is a successful plan to increase company’s profits. To strengthen the argument, the author must show a positive link between advertising and enlargement of profits. To better assess the argument, we need additional financial information and industry backgrounds to analyze completely, then we can confidently establish the conclusion whether the proposal of making advertisement on radios is useful.

laihong

The argument claims that making advertise by using radio successfully could lead to increasing profit. To support this conclusion, the author give an example that the Cumquat Café began advertising on the local radio station this year and consequently increased their profit by 10 percent over last year’s totals. However, Such an unconvinced instance could show nothing to determine the correctness of conclusion. We can understand how groundless this conclusion is due to the following reasonable analysis.

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First, the author made a false analogy between the business of the Cumquat Café and of other industries. The success of Cumquat café could not represent that making advertising on local radio station could give the same success to other business organizations. Each business has different characteristics of industry and target customers. 这两句话没有例子支持。It is likely that these target customers of a company has never listening radios.这样的削弱不好，可以改成if these target customers of a company has never listening radios,then... So what is the effect of making advertising in radio stations? Hence, problems such as these什么问题 indicate that the difference复数 among industries are relevant to the likelihood that other companies will experience the same consequence if they adopts the Cumquat Café’s strategies.

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Second, the author does not address with the cause of the increased profits of the Cumquat Café but merely assumes that making advertisement on local radio station could enlarge the café’s profit. Yet , no evidence is mentioned in the argument to buttress this assumption. If we suppose that the Cumquat Café made an innovation of organization and consequently lowered much proportion of human costs and material costs last year, this innovation also could contribute to increasing profits and thus the café had sufficient capital to enlarge its business. To analysis the reason of increasing business, we need more detailed information such as analyzing its financial statements or talking with the senior management. However, under this insufficient information supplied by this argument, we could not make a definitely conclusion whether advertising on local radio station could increase café’s profit. If this is not the key reason to increasing profit, how can we introduce this proposal to other industry?这一段还可以，但最后有点罗嗦。

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To sum up, this argument fails to provide ample justification to convince us that making advertisement on locale radio station is a successful plan to increase company’s profits. To strengthen the argument, the author must show a positive link between advertising and enlargement of profits. To better assess the argument, we need additional financial information and industry backgrounds to analyze completely, then we can confidently establish the conclusion whether the proposal of making advertisement on radios is useful.

我主要看了中间两段。写多少段无所谓，只要你能攻击它就行。你可以看看ETS公布的满分作文，看别人怎么攻击的。

crystalwansui

thank u very much. Laihong.我再想想看。

paul2006

dd